From Loneliness to Solitude

Thanks for all the quotes and avatars, Susan! Great reading.

I'm just going to go for this and say it - I LOVE being a single woman. I am a full blown love addict who just spent many years addicted to a guy. It affected every area of my life. I chased and chased and obsessed and compulsed and acted out and lost all dignity and any self worth I had. I really bottomed out after a life time of love addicted behavior (with all relationships and choices)

I am so glad not to be in an abusive relationship, or torch-bearing, or waiting for the phone to ring - or any other behavior that indicates waiting for something or someone who is going to make me whole.

I guess I am lucky. I never feel lonely, and never have. My problem and worst acting out was when I got hooked on someone and could not let go - to the detriment of my life.

I think being single is fabulous. I think being married is probably fabulous. Being in a romantic relationship is probably fabulous.

When all of those states are HEALTHY ones. I would much rather be content and at peace with myself alone, then obsessing about an unavailable person, OR in an unhappy relationship.

I am so grateful to have found this fellowship which so aptly describes what I could not put a finger on for so many years - even with many 24 hours of back to back recovery in another 12 step program.

It has been a spiritual awakening for me. I think to own ones recovery and life is about the most spiritual experience one can have. I really do. Don't get me wrong - I think all the rest is wonderful - the familys, boyfriends, girlfriends, jobs, careers, hobbies, interests, etc. But to me they are the icing on the cake.

To have self control, boundaries, discernment, wisdom, the ability to stay OR walk away is the gift of grace in my life.

I guess because I never had them before they mean a lot to me. I never want to give them up for anyone or anything.

I am going to cherish this time in my life and let it happen so that if I happen to become involved in a romantic relationship I will know how to handle myself, and trust myself, and hopefully ENJOY myself.

In the meantime, what has plagued me for years, hand in hand with my love addiction - is how to support myself financially as a single woman.

That's the challenge for today.

Thanks!

Thanks telmita - Actually, I'm there INTELLECTUALLY. The day to day PRACTICE is always the challenge.

This book, by the way, is for SERIOUS Christians.

Oh Judy,
when you talking about the waiting for the phone to ring, torch-bearing I still do. And even though I am no longer with my POA...the very thought of him, the reaction still makes me long and wish even though the discerning side of myself should say that my addiction is letting me believe that all was perfect all was right? How do you let go? I don't know if I'm ever going to start breathing correctly around my POA...and I still feel the the strange impulse to check up one each of them. A fellow I attend class with...we exchanged numbers..we've always argued and debated incessantly and nevertheless I still attempt to text him even though he rarely texts me back. What am I reduced to? I cant even have a casual conversation without becoming addicted and fantasizing...church members, technicians, religious leaders---it doesn't take much for me to become hooked. I find myself avoiding lonelines...I think solitude is the only way I will be able to make true progress.

Well, laurie13, you really got me with this one.

I just went back and read through the entire post. All I can say is that I wish I was feeling that way right now.

I wrote a post at midnight about what is occurring in my love addiction area today.

Since I wrote that post I got hooked again and although my outer behavior as been fine, my inner "hope" was churning away. And today I am in a great deal of emotional pain. I"m feeling everything people describe on these boards - loss of interest, hopelessness, fear doubt and uncertainty.

The adage from the Big Book of AA "self-knowledge avails us nothing" is hammering me.

Everything I wrote in that post you quoted is true for me with respect to knowing that the relationship I have with my self is the most important thing.

But the torch I have been carrying got re-lit and I am paying the price.

And I am so afraid of the solution.

But there is nothing to do but hang in there and ask for help and hold on to some spec of faith.

I needed this reminder today. Thank you!

Dear judy, I just read your post. I know it's hard for you, but I can see you are one strong woman. I know you can do it, just hang in there. Have faith...