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Post by runrunrun on Jul 26, 2010 5:06:09 GMT -8
I just decided to stay single in recovery. It relieves a lot of stress. I feel better about it. At this point I just want to be left alone by men. I had to turn down a date request on Friday. I feel bad about it. But I need to make recovery and health a priority. I feel good about recovery and health. I am training for a tri right now and it feels so good to be out with my friends on training rides, swims and runs.
this is just what works for me.
runrunrun
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Post by browneyed on Oct 13, 2010 9:01:55 GMT -8
I hadn't fully decided whether to stay single or to date during this stage of early recovery for me. However, when, as a result of reading this board, I decided to stay open, I freed myself to examine my choices. The guy I met merely 6 days after leaving a bad marriage seemed promising (highly recommended by friends) but as I got to know him, flags began waving, flags that I would have ignored pre-recovery. Now I know he's fitting into the exact profile of men I'd been interested in pre-recovery. Someone said just do something different from what you did in the past. I am going to be open only to men who are different from the type I've always dated. I think it'll give me the opportunity for lots of insight and positive growth.
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Post by ladyk on Dec 22, 2010 20:12:25 GMT -8
a year off from dating was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
There is no way I could have put down the drama to deal with myself, the steps, my inner issues, etc.
I dated myself. I became less desperate. It was healthy to let go of the need to date. I became self sufficient. I became my own beloved.
It didn't matter who came my way during this year. I was committed to me and that was so powerful. This was a helpful guidepost -
"Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed."
feeling overwhelmed, for me, was starting to get caught up in the addictive cycle again.
I ended up feeling that way when it was a bit more appropriate.
The people I know in recovery who gave up on no dating once someone they were interested came along tend to have markedly less recovery than those who wait. That's just what I have seen. Any sponsor work I have done with them shifts from their inner life and the steps to the upkeep/he-said-she-said of the relationship. Which is fine when it's time for that but step work came to a halt.
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Post by ladyk on Dec 22, 2010 20:12:51 GMT -8
never feel bad for saying no to a date!
you have ever right to say no! always!
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Post by loveanimals on Dec 22, 2013 18:20:48 GMT -8
It is always best not to generalize but to take things on a case by case basis. However if there is a sign on the road that says, "This road leads to a cave with a dragon in it." You might want to take another path. The Bible says there is a season for everything. There is a season to date. There is a season to be instrospective. My opinion is that at some point on your path you must learn to enjoy solitude. This is being alone without loneliness. Once you have learned this lesson you can move on. Some people can learn this lesson while dating. They don't call him often. They don't care if he calls. They are not lonely between dates. If you drink on an empty stomach you get drunker than if you are full of food. It you are full of the love of solitude you will not be so needy when you date. Opinions are nice, but only you know when the right time comes. All therapists, friends, mentors, advisors, etc must remember the second tradition,"For our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority—a loving Higher Power as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern." Thank you Susan, I love your advice on "don't call him often, don't care if he calls, not lonely between dates". |
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