Post by lynna on Jan 11, 2010 20:25:23 GMT -8
Hi, this is Lynna.
I just realized that it is NOT going to work out with Lia.
I met her over Christmas and it was like magicland. We fell in love and made love and talked about everything and nothing.
I noticed, though, as time went by, that she never really told me much about herself and that I was the one who did the talking.
Also, she is from a different culture (which I admire greatly---very open sexually and very emotionally available).
But I know that her people look down on my kind of people. There is a racist componet here, ( I am not racist, but maybe she comes from a race that is). This makes me sad and dims the rainbow that I thought was there. Even with her NOT racist, I sense an uncomfortability coming from her.
Our cultures---the very way we do things---so different.
I realize that she was going out of her way to understand me but she doesn't. She doesn't understand PTSD or "adult child" issues, or this addiction that I have, love addiction. She thinks I just have an adjustment disorder. She can't believe the abuse I've gone thru, when she looks at me, I see the pain in her face. Even when I comfort her and tell her it's okay, it isn't. She is not able to deal with it.
This drives a wedge between us.
I realize that she is what she is and I have to now let her go.
All day today, she was calling me. I don't think she can let me go either.
But it's sick. SICK!
Neither one of us can work out something that isn't there.
it's an addictive relationship.
I think we are carrying torches for each other, but I know it can never be. Why can't she?
But I know that when she leaves me alone, it will be h***.
Lynna
I just realized that it is NOT going to work out with Lia.
I met her over Christmas and it was like magicland. We fell in love and made love and talked about everything and nothing.
I noticed, though, as time went by, that she never really told me much about herself and that I was the one who did the talking.
Also, she is from a different culture (which I admire greatly---very open sexually and very emotionally available).
But I know that her people look down on my kind of people. There is a racist componet here, ( I am not racist, but maybe she comes from a race that is). This makes me sad and dims the rainbow that I thought was there. Even with her NOT racist, I sense an uncomfortability coming from her.
Our cultures---the very way we do things---so different.
I realize that she was going out of her way to understand me but she doesn't. She doesn't understand PTSD or "adult child" issues, or this addiction that I have, love addiction. She thinks I just have an adjustment disorder. She can't believe the abuse I've gone thru, when she looks at me, I see the pain in her face. Even when I comfort her and tell her it's okay, it isn't. She is not able to deal with it.
This drives a wedge between us.
I realize that she is what she is and I have to now let her go.
All day today, she was calling me. I don't think she can let me go either.
But it's sick. SICK!
Neither one of us can work out something that isn't there.
it's an addictive relationship.
I think we are carrying torches for each other, but I know it can never be. Why can't she?
But I know that when she leaves me alone, it will be h***.
Lynna
