Post by shatteredpieces on Jan 21, 2010 14:56:48 GMT -8
Oh God I need help...I did NC for a week and then I broke down and texted my POA...I said "Leaving you alone is the hardest thing I have ever done. I hope it is giving you the peace your wanted." His response... "It is and I am grateful. Be strong and take care of yourself." I got scared and said "Is this forever?" and he responded "Afraid so."
I cant handle that right now. I never could have initiated NC, but he did and I have honored it. But I always thought that some day we would be able to just pick up the phone and say hi...maybe months or years down the road. After I get better....but he has made it so final and I am not ready for that yet.
I cant do this! The pain is unbearable and I just want to die. I am too scare to hurt myself, but I cant live with this pain either...
The layers i have put around the pain of your going are thin. I walk softly through life, adding thickness each day.
Nothing new happened today. It was confirmed to be over today, just as it was a week ago. The pain may feel more intense but nothing more or new happened in reality.
Each time my exPoA would do something that showed he did not want me like I wanted him, my feelings would become more intense. Like you the point of it feeling unbearable. I had every clue needed in week one that I had in week 60 with him that it was not meant to be yet my pain increased as my obsession did.
You now know you really don't like good byes. So when the pain eases (& it will) you will know you don't need to ping him for another hello/goodbye. Remember this moment & next time when you are doing a little better & you dance with the idea of confirming a goodbye or fishing for a hello...you may avoid subjecting yourself to this pain...next time.
This is not all out the window since you text him. It's just something that you can take with you as you move on. You wanted to see what would happen. Now you know. It hurts, very badly.
Be patient & kind to yourself. Think of you tending to a child or ill friend. What is that you need right now? Do you need to lay down? Make some tea? What do you need while you are in pain? Relax, breath, pray, read, sleep, write, visit a friend...mainly know it will pass, ride it out with the most comfort you can find.
Another LAA member posted this link & it is a wonderful way about dealing with the pain, check it out...
Post by loveaddicted on Feb 2, 2010 12:11:20 GMT -8
hey shatteredpieces: you are not alone I have five days today and the only reason why I haven't contacted is because of the pain more pain I will get if I do. I keep telling myself I am stronger than that because go back and look at your life where you have overcome harder more difficult things. I can name a few for myself and for most of us. Childhood abuse, car wreck, two other relationships. I am a survivior and you are to. Its okay to slip the trick is to get back up again and do this again. In time and my experience with prayer it will get easier. Work on yourself, love yourself, be patient with yourself. Call someone else instead. I call other people when I feel the need to contact. Or I write in my journal how I am feeling. Reach out you are not alone. My heart bleeds too but POA wasn't worth it in the first place. Patty
I read your message and have those same hurt, low, low energy, no self esteem thoughts. POA has another, and wanted to still call me so he said. I said no and cried. JIM HALL IN HIS WORKBOOK SURVIVING WITHDRAWL, SAYS, MAKING CONTACT, OR RESPONDING IS LIKE: THROWING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF INCOMING TRAFFIC IT HURTS. AND, NOT ONLY THAT, THE POA IS JUST THROWING OUT A CRUMB FOR HIS OWN EGO. WE WERE SO ADDICTED. BUT NOT, NOW. WE WILL BOTH GET THRU THE PAIN. CATATONIC 12
I feel for you and I feel your pain. I'm still trying to push myself into NC. I am just so frightened to. I wish that my POA would be firm and say no instead of stringing me along. I know what it feels like to go for awhile w/ NC but then you get that urge...and you contact...and they shoot you down. And then you feel even worse b/c for one you wish you would have listened to yourself in the first place when you knew what would happen and two, you feel like you lose face b/c you let him know you care.
I wish I had some words of advice, but the other responses I've read seem to really be true. Please hang in there. I'm sending you lots of hugs....
Post by maxheadcase on Jan 7, 2012 20:56:40 GMT -8
Sorry...I don't know if I keep going over the same stuff over and over on this board is healthy or not, I just hope I'm not angering anyone, I'm in quite the pathetic state..again.
I guess one of the things emotionally painful and torturous is knowing that once I move on, that will be it, there will never be another chance at rekindling a friendship/relationship with this person. To me closure would be knowing there is someone else in her life. I guess I'm waiting to hear that from her??
It is so weird. She was the last person I thought I'd ever see or speak to again after seven years. A mutual friend of ours had past away two Junes ago. My best friend used to go out with the woman who died. He told me I should call my POA because they were friends also but fell out of touch.
I immediately said "I don't know, I haven't talked to her in years.." I just thought about all of the pain I went through the last time while being there for her and her two children. It took me four days before I called her and that was a message I left at midnight on a Saturday. I never really expected her to return my call but she did the following afternoon. It was so uncomfortable talking to her again and when I let her go I never thought we'd speak again but she started calling me and asking me come up to her place, offering to pay for a get away for two for the weekend, I was strong back then, I politely declined the dates and offers.
But I eventually broke down after refusing another date, she got angry and I felt bad. Anyway the more I spent time with her, the more those old feelings came back. I knew I was headed for the road to ruin again. The last time I went through this I became addicted to crank and meth, it helped me escape the pain and loneliness. I also had a more active social life and connections. Now I need to acquire a life as I don't have one, other than my job.
In closing, 5th day of NC, I've thought about her a lot today, but no urge to call her. I'm afraid IF she does call I will answer just to talk....but than the vicious cycle continues. But with that said I really don't believe she will call me, I really don't mean much to this person. Trying to stay strong!!!!! Must think positive thoughts!
Post by leighanne885 on Jan 8, 2012 15:02:00 GMT -8
I totally relate to you about the pain of moving on and knowing what that means. I am in such withdrawal and I miss my POA so so much. I hate this pain, but I don't think I entirely WANT to move on, because that means saying goodbye to him and that feels more painful than anything. I don't know if the reason is because I think he might come back or that I think it's 'romantic' to suffer for love. All I know is that I LOVE him, and I cannot even begin to imagine a time when I don't.
I just for the life of me cannot understand how the pain of being in a "relationship" with our POA is better than the pain of being completely without. This just absolutely blows my mind. I can see why someone who does not have the issues that we have would think we were crazy.
I've been saying that for 2 yrs...being with him is less painful than being without But in my mind, I know that's not true. I just can't convince myself of it.