I had two victories this month that have given me hope for my recovery.
My job requires me to cast a lot of attractive male models, and I have a problem with thinking certain ones are flirting me. I mistake their actions for seduction and then I zoom off immediately into fantasizing about them. The best looking one I've ever hired came in for 2 jobs over the last couple of weeks and was very chatty and friendly with me, but I left it at that: He was just being friendly. I decided to look at the facts only, and to not read any romantic intention into his actions. I gave no fuel to the fantasy fire and I feel so proud of myself for not getting scorched.
My sister has also been trying to get a guy friend of hers to fix me up with his single friend. I contacted my sister's friend directly and told him no thanks. I explained to him that I am not capable of starting even a casual dating relationship with anyone. This is contrary to what I used to do - just desperately jump at any man and cling to him for dear life. I know I'm not healthy enough to be with anybody right now, and it makes me stronger to be independent and not frantically try to latch onto a man.
I'm feeling stronger every day - not so weak, clingy and desperate - but I know it's one day at a time.
Post by perfectday on Feb 11, 2010 23:33:13 GMT -8
Torchiere, that's really good news! To keep yourself in reality and not go fantasising, especially if they're male models, can't be easy. Well done for knowing you're not safe to get into dating yet. I've got to the stage where I don't even consider the possibility. We'll know when we're ready.
Learning self-discipline is so good for the self-esteem. I had none of either before.
I can really relate to your post. My 'recovery plan' involves not imagining or even thinking about men flirting. It is great that you are able to stay in reality and not go fantasisiing or thinking about men.
Also knowing you aren't ready to date is a great thing too. I am really enjoying getting to know myself and I am staying out of trouble. It can be hard for those who aren't multiple POA addicts to understand what it is like. There can be fantasy about anyone who so much as looks at us.
I really do find that visualising myself being held by my HP or my angels helps me to feel complete and whole. I have noticed that my 'weak, desperate and clingy' nature has almost totally disappeared. I am starting to think about re-writing my recovery plan based on the changes that I have seen in myself.
"Love doesn't have to hurt - If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you!"