Post by sillypoppet on Feb 21, 2010 20:08:27 GMT -8
First of all, I'm not sure where to post this, but here goes...
Today I am feeling sad, anxious, and frightened. I'm frustrated for feeling this way, because it's emotionally draining. I'm tired of feeling angry or sad. I'm tired of having to sit down and analyze what is wrong with me.
I'm anxious and scared because this is the first time I've truly let a guy close to me. He has so much presence in my life that the thought of losing him makes me sick. Yes, I can survive a break-up, and yes there will always be someone else. The problem is how do I get over him? Have you ever felt so sad that you literally don't want to move a muscle?...
The other day I was shopping with a friend for a wedding dress and someone asked me if my boyfriend was "the one?" How do you even answer that? I don't believe there is only one person out there for me, but the problem is I don't want anyone but the man I'm with! He drives me crazy- 75% of the time we're laughing, but recently it's 25% of the time I'm crying. Literally, it's one thing after the other. First his friends didn't like me, then he was reciprocating fliratious comments on the facebook with some chick (actually agreed to go to dinner with her too). Last night he invited me to a party, but I didn't want to go... when I changed my mind, he lied to me and said he wasn't going (I knew he was lying and he admitted to it today). On top of that, today he cancelled our plans because he needed alone time. It hurt, because naively you know that I was waiting for him to call all day (got some stuff done around the house, but I was waiting...).
Wow, if that isn't obvious then what is?
He says that he still wants to be in this relationship, but I'm not sure I believe him. The problem is, breaking up with him feels like cutting out my own organs (okay, a little dramatic, but on my defense it's not the good week of the month). I feel like he's somehow managed to get himself tangled up with me, and now leaving him is like pulling out a chunk of myself. He's already let me know that once I leave, I will never be speaking to him again. I'm not usually one for initiating pinging (especially when the other person doesn't want me), but that hurts. I almost wish we could just be friends, or maybe even take a few steps backwards. I don't want him out of my life, I just don't want to feel sad...
Today I am feeling sad, anxious, and frightened. I'm frustrated for feeling this way, because it's emotionally draining. I'm tired of feeling angry or sad. I'm tired of having to sit down and analyze what is wrong with me.
I'm anxious and scared because this is the first time I've truly let a guy close to me. He has so much presence in my life that the thought of losing him makes me sick. Yes, I can survive a break-up, and yes there will always be someone else. The problem is how do I get over him? Have you ever felt so sad that you literally don't want to move a muscle?...
The other day I was shopping with a friend for a wedding dress and someone asked me if my boyfriend was "the one?" How do you even answer that? I don't believe there is only one person out there for me, but the problem is I don't want anyone but the man I'm with! He drives me crazy- 75% of the time we're laughing, but recently it's 25% of the time I'm crying. Literally, it's one thing after the other. First his friends didn't like me, then he was reciprocating fliratious comments on the facebook with some chick (actually agreed to go to dinner with her too). Last night he invited me to a party, but I didn't want to go... when I changed my mind, he lied to me and said he wasn't going (I knew he was lying and he admitted to it today). On top of that, today he cancelled our plans because he needed alone time. It hurt, because naively you know that I was waiting for him to call all day (got some stuff done around the house, but I was waiting...).
Wow, if that isn't obvious then what is?
He says that he still wants to be in this relationship, but I'm not sure I believe him. The problem is, breaking up with him feels like cutting out my own organs (okay, a little dramatic, but on my defense it's not the good week of the month). I feel like he's somehow managed to get himself tangled up with me, and now leaving him is like pulling out a chunk of myself. He's already let me know that once I leave, I will never be speaking to him again. I'm not usually one for initiating pinging (especially when the other person doesn't want me), but that hurts. I almost wish we could just be friends, or maybe even take a few steps backwards. I don't want him out of my life, I just don't want to feel sad...