Post by primrose on Feb 26, 2010 7:49:50 GMT -8
I'd like some feedback on this.
One friend of mine has a brain tumour (my husband had a totally different kind of tumour, but same thing in a way) I have been thrown back into my fear of my husband dying.
Another friend has just had to have a termination as her baby had Edward's, her sadness about it affected me very deeply. I cried a great deal about how I haven't been able to get pregnant. How frightened I've been of having my husband's child in case a child we had would have the cancer he had.
My husband getting sick and my fears about our future\my chance of having a child, definitely led to me acting out.
Today, it's unlikely I'll act out even though those fears have been triggered by these two huge events happening close to me.
What I want to know is this. Is it okay to be open to others pain? Is it my unconscious seeking a way to trigger my own unfelt pain? Or is it me taking on the pain of others and I don't need to do that? I am genuinely unsure, and would like feedback. In therapy I see that really my sense of self is pretty strong. I have a good core of self esteem, so I am not destroyed by others pain, I do use it as a tool to access the things I need, but, I also see that I get overwhelmed. So what to do?
Sometimes I know exactly what to do. I saw a friend the other night be bullied by her 5 year old. I know what that is, I bullied my own mother at that age. I saw my friend go into child and plead with her daughter. I saw it all and I understood it. I felt the sadness for my friend and her daughter and the sadness from my own childhood well up and I processed that sadness in therapy the next day. Easy. I know what to do, I've got lots of practice doing that. No overwhelm.
But when it comes to cancer and babies being aborted, that's a different thing. I am rocked by that. Now I may just be rocked because I am rocked by my husband's cancer and my struggle to have a child, but I think I need help here. So help very welcome, thanks! P.
One friend of mine has a brain tumour (my husband had a totally different kind of tumour, but same thing in a way) I have been thrown back into my fear of my husband dying.
Another friend has just had to have a termination as her baby had Edward's, her sadness about it affected me very deeply. I cried a great deal about how I haven't been able to get pregnant. How frightened I've been of having my husband's child in case a child we had would have the cancer he had.
My husband getting sick and my fears about our future\my chance of having a child, definitely led to me acting out.
Today, it's unlikely I'll act out even though those fears have been triggered by these two huge events happening close to me.
What I want to know is this. Is it okay to be open to others pain? Is it my unconscious seeking a way to trigger my own unfelt pain? Or is it me taking on the pain of others and I don't need to do that? I am genuinely unsure, and would like feedback. In therapy I see that really my sense of self is pretty strong. I have a good core of self esteem, so I am not destroyed by others pain, I do use it as a tool to access the things I need, but, I also see that I get overwhelmed. So what to do?
Sometimes I know exactly what to do. I saw a friend the other night be bullied by her 5 year old. I know what that is, I bullied my own mother at that age. I saw my friend go into child and plead with her daughter. I saw it all and I understood it. I felt the sadness for my friend and her daughter and the sadness from my own childhood well up and I processed that sadness in therapy the next day. Easy. I know what to do, I've got lots of practice doing that. No overwhelm.
But when it comes to cancer and babies being aborted, that's a different thing. I am rocked by that. Now I may just be rocked because I am rocked by my husband's cancer and my struggle to have a child, but I think I need help here. So help very welcome, thanks! P.