Post by torchiere on Mar 1, 2010 18:13:50 GMT -8
I had a light bulb moment recently. During the last few conversations with my older sister, I noticed that every time we speak, she says something like "Well that sounds like a fun night. Did you meet any nice guys?" and any time I tell her I'm going to go somewhere she says "Maybe you'll meet a MAN!"
My mother does this too, I realized. Even as far back as Jr. High, she would point to guys when we were out in public (sometimes so they could see her, much to my horror) and say "Now THERE is the guy for you! He's perfect for you!" She once even asked a guy friend of mine why he had never asked me out. I was completely mortified.
Good lord. No wonder there is a pattern deeply programmed into my brain that makes me think that everywhere I go, and everything I do, will bring that one "perfect love" into my life. I build up expectations of romance for every situation instead of focusing on what I'm really doing - going to a friend's birthday party, seeing a movie, going to dinner with a group. These expectations totally distract me from LIVING. At the end of the night I go home sad and disappointed that I didn't meet someone, instead of being grateful for my friends and happy that I enjoyed myself.
Lately I've been setting up realistic expectations about the social events I attend. I'm expecting to see friends, have some good food - have a nice time. Since I started doing this I am not disappointed and sad at the end of the night. Now I even get a little rush of pride that my predictions about the evening were correct!
There is much in my life to be grateful for. I need to put my focus on that and choose to be happy instead of disappointed. My LAA mom and sister can focus on their own expectations instead of projecting them onto me!
My mother does this too, I realized. Even as far back as Jr. High, she would point to guys when we were out in public (sometimes so they could see her, much to my horror) and say "Now THERE is the guy for you! He's perfect for you!" She once even asked a guy friend of mine why he had never asked me out. I was completely mortified.
Good lord. No wonder there is a pattern deeply programmed into my brain that makes me think that everywhere I go, and everything I do, will bring that one "perfect love" into my life. I build up expectations of romance for every situation instead of focusing on what I'm really doing - going to a friend's birthday party, seeing a movie, going to dinner with a group. These expectations totally distract me from LIVING. At the end of the night I go home sad and disappointed that I didn't meet someone, instead of being grateful for my friends and happy that I enjoyed myself.
Lately I've been setting up realistic expectations about the social events I attend. I'm expecting to see friends, have some good food - have a nice time. Since I started doing this I am not disappointed and sad at the end of the night. Now I even get a little rush of pride that my predictions about the evening were correct!
There is much in my life to be grateful for. I need to put my focus on that and choose to be happy instead of disappointed. My LAA mom and sister can focus on their own expectations instead of projecting them onto me!
that's great! P.
can completely relate to this! 