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Post by primrose on Apr 9, 2010 6:45:46 GMT -8
What's in it for you? Well, I guess you could carry on helping others here and do some service. Support is always welcome. P.
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Post by primrose on Apr 9, 2010 8:50:19 GMT -8
Sounds like good suggestions from your therapist. Would be great to have more men here and a male moderator too, maybe in time that'll all happen. Hope so. P.
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Post by oakling on Apr 9, 2010 19:44:38 GMT -8
SIA is the same way (survivors of incest anonymous) and COSA (like al-anon, but around sex addicts) is too... not as many guys. I think that there's still an idea in the mainstream that men are "the addicts" and women are "the codependents" who suffer to support them. And I don't think that idea is true - but it's harder, for example, for a lot of women to be willing to acknowledge that they're sex addicts, or for a lot of men to acknowledge that they are codependent or were sexually abused, because people often are afraid they'll be the only man/woman in those rooms, or that being male/female means they can't possibly be whatever-it-is.
all of which is to say that i think as awareness spreads, we'll see more gender equity in all the rooms, including these!
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Post by oakling on Apr 9, 2010 19:46:46 GMT -8
Does anyone identify as not codependent? My understanding is that codependency is basically having a focus that's outside of ourselves - focusing on what other people feel, what other people want, what other people think about us, what they need, and losing touch with what WE feel and think and want and need and who we are. And that it comes with a ton of shame and fear and guilt for basically existing - which comes from the abuse/dysfunction that makes us addicts in the first place. I don't know if it's possible to be an addict without being codependent too, but I'm willing to learn!
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Post by primrose on Apr 10, 2010 6:18:08 GMT -8
I didn't find that with SIA (used to go years ago to the one meeting in my city) it was pretty equally split between men and women. Tiny fellowship back then though. I'm in SLAA and it's about 50\50 men and women. Lots of honest sharing about abuse from the men which I find very moving. Think hearing "the other side" whether from men or women can help so much. I've never been to COSA as I'm not with a sex addict, but I've heard very good things about that fellowship. Are you working a programme there? What's it like? Very curious! Pretty sure everyone discovers their inner codependent sooner or later P.
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