|
|
Post by Rick Faith on Apr 18, 2010 4:22:36 GMT -8
I am looking for helpful insights on what loving ourselves looks like, or would look like. I have major self esteem issues aroun dother men being better or handsomer and so on...I dont want that anymore. I am not looking for what loving ourselves is not...we already know that. I am gonna start by adding a couple of self loves of my own:
Loving ourselves can be:
Going back to school/college/university
Meetings and therapy, prayers
...........
|
|
|
|
Post by butterfly23 on Apr 18, 2010 7:08:57 GMT -8
Brilliant idea! I hope a lot of people think about this and post.
Yesterday, i was outside walking. It was a beautfiul day. I stopped, took a big breath in, looked at the blue sky, the trees, the water...just took it all in...and smiled...thankful and appreciated it. I think that was loving myself for a moment...enjoying where i was at that very minute.
My hopes to all of you that the sky is blue where you are....
|
|
|
|
Post by nolove4me on Apr 18, 2010 7:15:25 GMT -8
Great feeling butterfly as Ive had those moments too. Unfortunately raining cats and dogs here but hope blue skies for everyone else.
|
|
|
|
Post by butterfly23 on Apr 18, 2010 7:25:41 GMT -8
sorry no love....hope it clears up...maybe put your rain boots on and go jump in some puddles? loved doing that when i was a kid....
|
|
|
|
Post by Rick Faith on Apr 18, 2010 7:36:36 GMT -8
Loving me also means engaging in my healing, and working on the woundedness and adult child issues...and just this am I started telling myself...I am as good as the next guy. That helps counter the "every man taller and richer and better dressed than me is a magnet for all women and I am therefore a piece of dirty garbage and less than nothing"...which is what most of my life has felt like...deep intsense self loathing and ugliness thoughts and feelings.
|
|
|
|
Post by primrose on Apr 18, 2010 9:02:10 GMT -8
Think most of my self care things are pretty simple and a lot are to do with my marriage.
Loving and esteeming myself look like:
Planning a weekly shop with my husband so we eat well and within a budget.
Keeping our home clean and fairly organised.
Talking to each other about problems if they come up.
Fighting fair if we do fight.
Treating him with respect and behaving with dignity myself (pretty good at that now).
Making an effort to see a film or go out together so we don't take each other for granted.
Keeping our relationship close so we don't drift.
Keeping up my self-care routine (have an exercise thing that I do every day).
Make an effort to look nice each day.
Buy the clothes I need and wear them rather than live in my studio-jeans all the time.
Keep in touch with friends so I have fun and don't become isolated.
Get out to meetings so I don't isolate.
Walk through the park to work, yay! Am lucky.
Do work I like. Am lucky that way too.
Call people when I get stressed at work, so I don't get overwhelmed.
Set boundaries at work that make me feel safe.
Take a lunch break. Take breaks and don't beat myself up about how hard I'm working (still working on this one).
Relax, give myself time.
Play, especially now it's sunny, yay! So I see my friends kids when I can and let myself be thoroughly squashed and jumped on by lots of little people.
Replenish myself by seeing artists work, otherwise my own becomes stale. Need to do more of this now, it makes such a difference.
Talk to myself kindly and pray regularly. Accept and practice gratitude for the gifts in my life.
Sure there are lots more! This will do for now. P.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rick Faith on Apr 18, 2010 10:08:18 GMT -8
Self examination...to determine why I think opther men are better than me if they are tall, rich, and so on...and ...i think its because I have always been so self centered I think all the women should be paying all attention to me so i dont feel worthless...now how warped is that?
|
|
|
|
Post by primrose on Apr 18, 2010 10:19:30 GMT -8
Well, all the attention I got as a kid was really for my parents' gratification. My father loved me as an image of his own intelligence, my mother loved me if I listened to her. So for me to "get" love I needed to be winning it or doing something for it. It wasn't just a given. So if I have to win it, others who look like they're better at winning it than I am, they're a THREAT. They'll get more of that limited supply of love! My sister is 10 years younger than I am and she took my place, she was prettier. It hurt so badly. I was so jealous. She was a threat to my place. I couldn't win in the pretty stakes. That's the naiveity of dysfunctional families. It never occured to my parents that we were worthy of love just as we were (they were ACOAs who'd had to play the "limited love" game with their parents too) nobody said "you're BOTH pretty, and we'd still love you just as much even if you weren't". P.
|
|
|
|
Post by geedee on Apr 18, 2010 10:29:05 GMT -8
Prim, my little sister came along when I was six. She stole my place as the youngest and almost stole my bday but was born a day later.
I didnt like her much and can hardly remember her as a toddler. She shared a bedroom with my eldest sister while I shared with my sis who is a year or so older than me.
I can clearly remember how I wanted to throttle my lil sis when our brother died. She was 10 and couldn't really have understood what was going on but she was going round looking smug and being useful and handing out tissues to evrybdy crying.
she's the sister I'm probably most like. And the one I get on best with. She's addicted to God. And I think that's probably a good addiction to have....
|
|
|
|
Post by primrose on Apr 18, 2010 10:40:56 GMT -8
Glad you get on now  There is a shortage of birthdays in my immediate family. My uncle has two girls, his eldest was born on my birthday and his youngest was born on my sister's birthday. Bit strange that. And we have a shortage of names as well. My mother has a very unusual name. My uncle married a woman with the same name, and my younger brother's girlfriend has the same name. No wonder we have a few issues in my family about other people taking our place! P. |
|
|
|
Post by geedee on Apr 18, 2010 11:20:58 GMT -8
Loving myself...
Looking into my own eyes in the mirror and seeing a good person.
Recognising I'm an addict but feeling grateful I know that now.
Looking at my body, recognising the defects but willing to do more exercise because it's good for me.
Going to my dance lessons
Making good healthy food
Cutting out all the junk
Going to Mass cos loving God means loving myself
Respecting boundaries and making sure others respect mine
Being there for my friends without neglecting myself
Forgiving myself(work in progress)
No smuttiness with male friends
No teasing
No intriguing
( If I exhibit any of the three behaviours above I hate myself afterwards, so that can't be loving myself, can it?)
Respecting myself
Believing in my talents, and making the most of them
handing thoughts of my POA over to God so that I can have a more productive and meaningful life.
Doing the best I can - one day at a time
|
|
|
|
Post by Rick Faith on Apr 18, 2010 13:36:53 GMT -8
Love what prim said about being intimidated by people I percieve to be better looking and etc than me...how she felt that it was connceted to not getting love and attention as a kid and anyone who could take your affection or attention was a threat...man thats awesome! I been thinking of it all day, and it makes sense to me...my own self centeredness is not my friend.
|
|
|
|
Post by roz2008 on Apr 18, 2010 13:44:06 GMT -8
I like the checklists here on putting self-love into action. As loving others takes action, so does loving ourselves. I've done a lot of spending time with myself over the past few years. I've done things I like, traveled to places I'd never been, got my eye bags removed, and got invloved in martial arts. Today I do love myself and find that I will get very particular about who I will involve myself with.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rick Faith on Apr 18, 2010 13:59:01 GMT -8
I have a yellow stripe in Taekwondo!! Oooowaaaa! Hai. But it still doesnt protect me from unhealthy relationships...so i gotta use internal martial arts.. |
|
|
|
Post by roz2008 on Apr 18, 2010 16:30:02 GMT -8
Become a black belt recovering love addict. ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by Rick Faith on Apr 18, 2010 16:35:41 GMT -8
Sounds good to me... I need to thats for sure. I am so CLOSE to calling her tonite... its awfully hard not too. I feel like I gotta call before she 'moves on'....like she was ever true to me anyway... I am mad at me for getting into this sick relationship stuff.
|
|
|
|
Post by roz2008 on Apr 19, 2010 20:12:39 GMT -8
Have a back up plan when you are wanting to call. Is there someone lonely, an older, maybe sick person who could use a cheerful voice? Being of service to others ALWAYS works, and gets us out of ourselves.
|
|
There is a shortage of birthdays in my immediate family. My uncle has two girls, his eldest was born on my birthday and his youngest was born on my sister's birthday. Bit strange that. And we have a shortage of names as well. My mother has a very unusual name. My uncle married a woman with the same name, and my younger brother's girlfriend has the same name. No wonder we have a few issues in my family about other people taking our place! P.