Post by Victorious on Apr 27, 2010 20:41:12 GMT -8
I've had NC with my POA since February 2009 and I rarely fantasize about him but I was tempted today 
. I went on Facebook and saw his picture pop up suggesting that I may want to add him as a friend 
. I clicked on his pic to see his profile. I felt disappointed that I wasn't able to view it. I stared at his picture awhile thinking of how much I still miss him. I wished I could contact him but I know that even the most innocent contact would lead to pain and suffering for everyone I love, including myself.
I've had many POAs and I always got over them when someone new came along. but this one is different. Even though I fell in love with and married someone else, I still miss him. He was a great friend and lover and I had some really awesome times with him, but I wanted a husband. I stopped seeing him because he couldn't give me what I wanted but I couldn't stop loving him. He couldn't give me that because he's a romance addict and a seductive witholder. I wish I could have shared what I learned about LA with him but I began NC just before I learned about my addiction. He's a good guy and I'm sad he doesn't know how to stop what he's doing. I don't know if I'll ever completely extinguish my torch for him but I think I'll be ok with it as long as I stick to NC and no fantasizing, but gosh it was hard today when I saw that picture of his beautiful face.
I am reminding myself that this is a small loss compared to the huge hapiness I've gained because I let him go. I've been able to create a stable, loving and peaceful home with my DH and our children.
. I went on Facebook and saw his picture pop up suggesting that I may want to add him as a friend 
. I clicked on his pic to see his profile. I felt disappointed that I wasn't able to view it. I stared at his picture awhile thinking of how much I still miss him. I wished I could contact him but I know that even the most innocent contact would lead to pain and suffering for everyone I love, including myself. I've had many POAs and I always got over them when someone new came along. but this one is different. Even though I fell in love with and married someone else, I still miss him. He was a great friend and lover and I had some really awesome times with him, but I wanted a husband. I stopped seeing him because he couldn't give me what I wanted but I couldn't stop loving him. He couldn't give me that because he's a romance addict and a seductive witholder. I wish I could have shared what I learned about LA with him but I began NC just before I learned about my addiction. He's a good guy and I'm sad he doesn't know how to stop what he's doing. I don't know if I'll ever completely extinguish my torch for him but I think I'll be ok with it as long as I stick to NC and no fantasizing, but gosh it was hard today when I saw that picture of his beautiful face.
I am reminding myself that this is a small loss compared to the huge hapiness I've gained because I let him go. I've been able to create a stable, loving and peaceful home with my DH and our children.
