Post by Victorious on May 4, 2010 6:12:50 GMT -8
In doing my history of LA I saw that I was usually attracted to men that needed me. As long as I feel like they need me, I feel secure in the R. This is because my mother always said things like, "I didn't think I wanted another child (I was #7) but God knew I needed you."
Sometimes I went for guys that didn't really need me and they usually didn't love me either. Hmmm, I guess I think that if:
I AM NEEDED = I AM LOVED....NOT NEEDED = NOT LOVED?
I just had a huge revelation as to why I have had such a difficult time getting over my last POA even though I am happily married. I have a longing to know that I am loveable even if I am not needed.
P.G. was an extremely well put together man. He managed his beautiful home and his successful business with ease all by himself. He didn't need me for anything but he wanted me anyway. That's why he is irresistable to me. Having him want me knowing that he doesn't need me made me feel amazing. I want this man to help me silence the tapes in my head that say that I am only worthy of being loved when I am paying for it somehow. The part that didn't work for me was that he didn't want me exclusively or permanently. He wanted me like a boy wants the latest toy. I wanted to believe that he felt more for me than he did because I needed him to. I forced myself to give up on him and moved on. Then I found a man that needed me because my experience with P.G. taught me that I am only loveable to those that need me to take care of them.
My DH is a very loving and giving man but he needs my help quite a bit. I think our R is balanced because we both help each other equally. I have realized that there is a part of me that feels resentful that he needs me because I want to know if he would love me as much if he didn't. And another part of me wants him to feel inadequate without my help because I'm afraid to find out that he wouldn't.
Wow! I have some work to do. I am using a tequnique called EFT (emotional freedom tequenique) to heal childhood traumas and false belief systems like this. I hope it works because, it would be really awesome to heal this issue.
Sometimes I went for guys that didn't really need me and they usually didn't love me either. Hmmm, I guess I think that if:
I AM NEEDED = I AM LOVED....NOT NEEDED = NOT LOVED?
I just had a huge revelation as to why I have had such a difficult time getting over my last POA even though I am happily married. I have a longing to know that I am loveable even if I am not needed.
P.G. was an extremely well put together man. He managed his beautiful home and his successful business with ease all by himself. He didn't need me for anything but he wanted me anyway. That's why he is irresistable to me. Having him want me knowing that he doesn't need me made me feel amazing. I want this man to help me silence the tapes in my head that say that I am only worthy of being loved when I am paying for it somehow. The part that didn't work for me was that he didn't want me exclusively or permanently. He wanted me like a boy wants the latest toy. I wanted to believe that he felt more for me than he did because I needed him to. I forced myself to give up on him and moved on. Then I found a man that needed me because my experience with P.G. taught me that I am only loveable to those that need me to take care of them.
My DH is a very loving and giving man but he needs my help quite a bit. I think our R is balanced because we both help each other equally. I have realized that there is a part of me that feels resentful that he needs me because I want to know if he would love me as much if he didn't. And another part of me wants him to feel inadequate without my help because I'm afraid to find out that he wouldn't.
Wow! I have some work to do. I am using a tequnique called EFT (emotional freedom tequenique) to heal childhood traumas and false belief systems like this. I hope it works because, it would be really awesome to heal this issue.
Please?