Post by Sophie's world on Jun 10, 2010 6:33:01 GMT -8
8 months 'man free' and i am happy, lonely sometimes, but that is not because missing a man. but because i travel the world on my own.
I have been healing the relationship with my family, and specially my father.
I have been busy with that all my life, trying to forgive him many times, but was premature and still angry, pushing and pulling towards him..But the last 5/6 months my healing was intensely.
Within myself in meditation. I started seeing so clearly! My father is my highest teacher in learning to Love unconditionally, if i can do that after all that has happened, I am healed. In retreat I connected in prayers to my father, mother and sisters and other family. Paying respect to them and bowing for them, to bring me life and teach me the lessons my Soul/ Karma has to learn.
When i came out of the retreat i contacted my father which i hadn't connected with for a year, while i was traveling.
And what kept me busy while traveling was that my father might die (he is very sick) without me having said what I had to say. I had many negative 'ideas'about him. But since i started seeing and changing... he changed!!
We were both so happy to speak with each other after one year. I wrote him and apologized for not having contact/ fight him all my life. That i was expecting of him what he can not be. Expected him to be what he was not. I always felt he didn't see me and was angry about that. and of course many terrible things happened in my youth. but even then. i am an adult now. I heal myself and can SEE him.. and what happens.. the world is your mirror... He sees me.. in his way... he sees me, not how i wanted it, but in his clumsy way. And he Loves me!!! Before i wanted more, but how can we ask someone to Love you if they can not even Love themselves? So in his way, in all he has to give, what might be little, but so much if i open my eyes and translate his gestures (sometimes harsh, mean or helpless) he actually always says: I Love You but don't know how. And I can tell him now, I didn't know how to Love You Too.... but I am learning... To see you for who you are and Love and Compassion come naturally.
I am on my way....
I have been healing the relationship with my family, and specially my father.
I have been busy with that all my life, trying to forgive him many times, but was premature and still angry, pushing and pulling towards him..But the last 5/6 months my healing was intensely.
Within myself in meditation. I started seeing so clearly! My father is my highest teacher in learning to Love unconditionally, if i can do that after all that has happened, I am healed. In retreat I connected in prayers to my father, mother and sisters and other family. Paying respect to them and bowing for them, to bring me life and teach me the lessons my Soul/ Karma has to learn.
When i came out of the retreat i contacted my father which i hadn't connected with for a year, while i was traveling.
And what kept me busy while traveling was that my father might die (he is very sick) without me having said what I had to say. I had many negative 'ideas'about him. But since i started seeing and changing... he changed!!
We were both so happy to speak with each other after one year. I wrote him and apologized for not having contact/ fight him all my life. That i was expecting of him what he can not be. Expected him to be what he was not. I always felt he didn't see me and was angry about that. and of course many terrible things happened in my youth. but even then. i am an adult now. I heal myself and can SEE him.. and what happens.. the world is your mirror... He sees me.. in his way... he sees me, not how i wanted it, but in his clumsy way. And he Loves me!!! Before i wanted more, but how can we ask someone to Love you if they can not even Love themselves? So in his way, in all he has to give, what might be little, but so much if i open my eyes and translate his gestures (sometimes harsh, mean or helpless) he actually always says: I Love You but don't know how. And I can tell him now, I didn't know how to Love You Too.... but I am learning... To see you for who you are and Love and Compassion come naturally.
I am on my way....