Post by beyondready on Jun 11, 2010 8:01:14 GMT -8
I have been doing a lot of work on self esteem lately. I have come to the realization that I have spent all my life being a "people pleaser" always putting others first, no matter how bad it made me feel. The only thing I have ever placed any "value" on was gaining the love and acceptance of others.
I am trying really hard to change that and have made some great strides. I have set some boundaries for myself and others, forgave myself and others, and for the first time in my life really understand and feel the unconditional love of a higher power.
Here is my current delimma: I am alone, but not necessarily feeling sad or bad about it. I had to cut some ties to people that didn't treat me very well. I also had to limit my contact with most of my family for the very same reason, they just didn't treat me very well and although I cannot bring myself to totally disassociate with them, I can limit their negativity. Im pretty sure that they are confused and a little angry at me for taking away their "doormat" but the few times I have tried to explain to them why I was disengaging from them and their negativity and verbal abuse it turned into a cat fight of listening to them tell me that it is all my fault, if was this (insert adjective here) or that (insert adjective here) they would like me. Well then, don't like me, I don't care anymore if you like me. I no longer will live my life according to what you want me to be and I refuse to be the victem anymore. I am also free of what society in general judges what I should be. So tired of hearing the "you are a 45 year old, somewhat attractive female, why don't you have a man?" stuff. As if there is something wrong with that. Uhhhhg!!!! Sometimes I just want to turn a mirror on them and say, do some real soul searching!!!! Is your marriage all that happy? Does your boyfriend/girlfriend treat you all that well? Do you treat them all that well? Yep, you may have a relationship, money, all the tangible things you could imagine but are you really all that happy? I think not if you are judging me based on my relationship status. Really, who is better off an unhappy person with all the things society deems as normal, or a simi happy person without all that stuff? Ooops, sorry I think I got off on a rant there
Anyway, I have been reading and researching a lot on values and making a list of what I value. My problem is that I don't know what I truly value. I feel like I am a blank slate right now and don't know who I am. I feel that since I gave up my identity as a codependent now I have no identity at all. The only things I can think of to put on my list of values is that
1. I value my relationship with God.
2. I value my body and mind and wont let them be abused.
Other than that, I can't think of a thing. I mean, I like cofee, but could I live without it? probably. Someday I would like a loving and fullfilling relationship with the opposite sex but not right now, the urgency that I used to feel over that is gone. I know when the time is right God will deliver that relationship. I also accept the fact that God may never deliver that relationship and I will spend the rest of my life as "single". My question is how do you figure out what you really value, not just like or want, but really value?
Sorry if this rambled on, it is only half way through my first cup of coffee this morning.
I am trying really hard to change that and have made some great strides. I have set some boundaries for myself and others, forgave myself and others, and for the first time in my life really understand and feel the unconditional love of a higher power.
Here is my current delimma: I am alone, but not necessarily feeling sad or bad about it. I had to cut some ties to people that didn't treat me very well. I also had to limit my contact with most of my family for the very same reason, they just didn't treat me very well and although I cannot bring myself to totally disassociate with them, I can limit their negativity. Im pretty sure that they are confused and a little angry at me for taking away their "doormat" but the few times I have tried to explain to them why I was disengaging from them and their negativity and verbal abuse it turned into a cat fight of listening to them tell me that it is all my fault, if was this (insert adjective here) or that (insert adjective here) they would like me. Well then, don't like me, I don't care anymore if you like me. I no longer will live my life according to what you want me to be and I refuse to be the victem anymore. I am also free of what society in general judges what I should be. So tired of hearing the "you are a 45 year old, somewhat attractive female, why don't you have a man?" stuff. As if there is something wrong with that. Uhhhhg!!!! Sometimes I just want to turn a mirror on them and say, do some real soul searching!!!! Is your marriage all that happy? Does your boyfriend/girlfriend treat you all that well? Do you treat them all that well? Yep, you may have a relationship, money, all the tangible things you could imagine but are you really all that happy? I think not if you are judging me based on my relationship status. Really, who is better off an unhappy person with all the things society deems as normal, or a simi happy person without all that stuff? Ooops, sorry I think I got off on a rant there
Anyway, I have been reading and researching a lot on values and making a list of what I value. My problem is that I don't know what I truly value. I feel like I am a blank slate right now and don't know who I am. I feel that since I gave up my identity as a codependent now I have no identity at all. The only things I can think of to put on my list of values is that
1. I value my relationship with God.
2. I value my body and mind and wont let them be abused.
Other than that, I can't think of a thing. I mean, I like cofee, but could I live without it? probably. Someday I would like a loving and fullfilling relationship with the opposite sex but not right now, the urgency that I used to feel over that is gone. I know when the time is right God will deliver that relationship. I also accept the fact that God may never deliver that relationship and I will spend the rest of my life as "single". My question is how do you figure out what you really value, not just like or want, but really value?
Sorry if this rambled on, it is only half way through my first cup of coffee this morning.