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Post by iselita on Jun 22, 2010 8:44:42 GMT -8
After being powerless for such a long time. I have managed to do nothing to build my self esteem. I've been so ocupied with feeling worthless and relying on the ex to make me feel valued. That in the end i have grown so empty inside. So much though that it feels critical. At times (in my low points) i have told myself. That i will never be good enough, asking myself "why am i here". Also telling myself how it would be better if i wasn't. At times i feel insane. It's like as if my ex is doing good and on the other hand i am the crazy one. I can't make him or myself happy, or anyone at that. But enough with all of that. My self esteem is so low right now. Yet there is this incy little bit of strength that tells me to "fight'. I believe my higher power helps me. I have little faith, but i have grown strong. So passed all the negativity i know i love myself. I know how happy my kids get when i am happy. That there gives me strength to recover. That there tells me i am worth it. I've been reading on how to work on my self esteem. But i wanna hear from all of you. I right now am at on my first step. Though i understand that i always have to work on my self esteem. It's something that is constant and i believe it should be that way. I am trying not depend on my kids to make me happy. I feel it can be easy to put my dependency on them and that scares me. I want to work my recovery the right way. Right now i am pretty positive but i am aware that i will have those days where i need to reassure myself for sure.  What are some things you all did? From the begining? What helped you grow strong? |
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Post by LovelyJune on Jul 15, 2010 2:38:16 GMT -8
Isel,
Sorry no one got back to you sooner. I hope your spirits have lifted.
I think you're doing the right thing. I used the "Self-Esteem Workbook" and I started to BELIEVE what i read. Everyone has a RIGHT to be happy and treated well. But we must work for happiness; we cannot expect it to just be given to us). WHat that means is this: happiness and self esteem are choices you make. You have to start thinking in terms of "deciding to be happy" or "deciding to be confident." How is it that a person with no legs and no arms can exist with confidence but you cannot? They were TAUGHT to be confident and have self-esteem, you were not. SO, you must teach yourself. That is what I did. Plus, I started to believe that i was no different than anyone else. That everyone had problems and that i was not special. When you bring yourself down to everyone else's level and stop thinking the "grass is greener for certain people," it's easier to raise yourself UP.
Hope this helps!
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Post by iselita on Jul 15, 2010 6:32:07 GMT -8
oooh! thanks for answering!
Your right! I gues we shame ourselves SO MUCH. That we grow to think we are the worst! And everything is all our fault. I always think "OMG I'm 28 and have two kids". Who would want me....?
Currently when i try to be around other guys or when i am, i feel so awkward. Like i need to act a certain way or something. Because they just won't like me. '
I can truly say that my insecurity/low self esteem has been that big ! That's it's gotten in the way!
On the flip side "I am proud of myself, I do know that i deserve to be happy". I am staying strong, and for now i can say i am giving myself that chance.
I truly need to work on what you said. It's exactly that, I want to be at the level where "we are all the same". I don't want to be a victim any longer, and that there would help me with my anger issues towards my ex.
Thanks Telmita
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Post by lonely1 on Jul 28, 2010 13:26:33 GMT -8
One self-esteem issue...
The girls that become my POA...they are the left overs...only one standing alone at the dance, the wllflower, the left behind....yes, ther is some 'pity' for them....
I also feel I do not deserve / qualify for the 'beauty queen'; I'm not that good enough, lucky enough, handsome, rich, etc . . .so I'm lucky to have anything....
Then self-confidence (lack there of) kicks itn....I'll probably do something naive & ruin this relationship too . . .
Now & then : Why even try . . .it'll just be another roller coaster ride...Whoopie - crash . . .
I'm getting over this (with help frok a therapist & support group activities...)
You can too....
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Post by groundedclarity on Nov 1, 2010 20:15:26 GMT -8
Just a thought: When is the last time you had a good belly laugh? What type of thing usually inspires it? And why does it feel so good? Something that helped me I came across on a whim.. A silly show called "The Big Bang Theory". Very nerdy & silly, (see this short excerpt from it): Sheldon: "Why are you crying?" Penny: "Because I'm naive!" Sheldon: "That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are naive, and that makes me sad." Anyway, I finally figured out why the comedy really feels to "fix me" in low moments. Because it magnifies to a giggling degree the sometimes pathological ways we can get too inside our own heads. The result for me is that I felt less inclined to kick myself, & more inclined to appreciate the human reflection. I also discovered the releasing value of having a sense of humor about the follies of both myself & others. Granted, people get hurt from many a "folly", & pain is real, but perhaps giving ourselves permission to laugh in a parallel universe, well, couldn't HURT.. Yea, why sit in the hurt when we could be giggling.. (..Or we could cry because we feel naive).  |
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oldendances
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
"Go Placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence"
Posts: 228
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Post by oldendances on Nov 5, 2010 19:44:54 GMT -8
Hello Clarity,
I have not seen that show, but now I'd like to. I agree about humor and laughter helping. I have been trying to watch more humorous shows, and find that I actually forget about stuff and laugh for 1/2 an hour or so...what a relief.
I also have been fascinated by the show "Will & Grace". I think its because I would never have the bravery to say the things they say and put myself first. The characters are very selfish....something we LAs have trouble with...putting our needs before others.
Anyway, thanks for the laugh, great idea. ;D
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