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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 9, 2010 15:44:11 GMT -8
From a reader . . . "Where to begin? I seem to be incapable of having a normal relationship with anyone. I will not let anyone in. I will start a relationship but have it on my terms only keeping everyone at arms length . . . family, friends, lovers and colleagues. I choose when to see them and need to be in control. If they offend me I seem to be able to just let them go and ignore any hurt I feel. Is this ambivalent love addiction? From Susan . . .Yes you are an ambivalent love addict, but more importantly, you sound like a narcissist love addict and this is the wrong board for you. It is the one form of love addiction we do not support here because most codependent love addicts have been victimized by NLA's. There is one exception and that is the situational narcissist/love addict. www.alumbo.com/article/41370-Situational-Narcissist.html |
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Post by love on Dec 25, 2010 17:08:56 GMT -8
Wow! What an insightful revelation. I'm now thinking if my recent ex-POA was a narcissist bec your description suits her.  But I still hope she's not. Just a seductive withholder bec she used to admit her tendencies, flaws, (and doesn't brag much) until I became codependent and so she started showing the above description.  |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 19, 2011 21:46:35 GMT -8
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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 20, 2011 4:07:44 GMT -8
I love your writing. You've always been such an inspiration.
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Post by earthgrrl64 on Apr 17, 2011 19:40:31 GMT -8
I just joined because I have love addiction but now I see after reading Susans post that I have a lot of the narcissicist tendencies as well. I guess I do not belong here. Wow. That feels really awful and I do feel angry and hurt that my type of love addiction is not welcome on this board.
I will be taking my self off the board now. Good bye.
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Post by earthgrrl64 on Apr 17, 2011 19:53:41 GMT -8
Ok, any info on the Seducer Love Addict? I seem to have found that description written by Susan and I fall into that category, I am sorry I am just really tired and you know, HALT and all that. : (
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Post by LovelyJune on Apr 18, 2011 2:36:37 GMT -8
Hi earthgrrl--
Narcissists tend to have very low self-esteem disguised as over-confidence. They also tend not to love themselves. You may may have situational narcissism. There's a difference. A truly narcissistic person would not recognize they had a problem.
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Post by brooklynberry on Apr 18, 2011 10:28:18 GMT -8
my bf's ex wife displays signs of narcissism and a big part of it is never looking at her part in anything. ever. nothing is ever her fault nor did she ever play a role in anything around her that has gone bad. To a really really extreme extent that is shocking.
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Post by caroclean on Jun 15, 2011 17:29:03 GMT -8
I do not understand .. what is narcissist love addicts, I am scared of being like that ... and why people who are narcissist can not be here in the board ?... thank you, I am new here so I will be more than happy to recieve some help
Thank you
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Post by caroclean on Jun 15, 2011 18:02:34 GMT -8
Sorry for my mistakes of writing, is that I am from Colombia, so my english is not perfect.
Well ..... I read the topic about the types of Love Addicts and I think I am a codependent love addict, but I do not know, I have another behaviours that have another types, for example, I am afraid of getting involve with someone because I usually give to him everything I have ... and my desire of having someone by my side never stop, so I need so much help. I do not what to do.
I am 23 years old, and I want to have a boyfriend, and sometimes I just do not differ if it is the normal feeling of everyperson, or is my illness, there are so many questions in my head. Thank you. I need help to move on
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Post by tizzy on Jun 16, 2011 4:25:14 GMT -8
caroclean, welcome to the board! From what you posted, saying things like sorry and thank you and that you're seeking help, you don't sound like a narcissist to me :-) This board has a ton of info and support for you. There is a sub-board for Books on Love addiction and Codependency, and there are also links about the 12 steps, which a lot of different types of addicts use for recovery. I've included a link below tot he SLAA website (sex and love addicts anonymous) and it will have info about SLAA and meetings in your area. THey also aoffer phone and online meetings. Perhaps you may find this information helpful as you begin your recovery journey. Books - laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=lovebooksMore Books - thelovelyaddict.com/books/12 Steps - www.12step.org/the-12-steps.htmlSLAA and meetings - directory.slaafws.org/ |
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Post by caroclean on Jun 16, 2011 4:41:48 GMT -8
Hi Tizzy, thank you so much, it is very nice to receive help, I am going to look these links and continue participating in this board.  It is nice to know that there are more woman who have the same problem as me, and that I am not alone, this gives me forces to continue . Thank you |
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Post by dorkestbeforedawn on Jun 16, 2011 15:19:53 GMT -8
I shift between several kinds of love addiction. My disease takes whatever form it needs to take, in order to feed itself. I think this is the rule, not the exception.
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Post by mgb on Jun 16, 2011 17:40:44 GMT -8
Yeah me too I am starting to worry That I am an anorexic love and sex addict when not in relationship, also On top of obsessed love addict , torch bearer, co dependent, adult child of an alcoholic, changing from one to another, I think, is called a switch hitter, it all comes down to the same disease I believe...... avoidance of self and lack of love for self really. I am definitely attracted to NA's and seductive witholders though and when they are really into me , I become The SW...... lol this is truly sick, I don't want to be like this anymore, so so going towards recovery, one day at a time, and I hope I get there so I can have some peace and serenity on this.
Mgb.
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Post by freetolive on Jun 16, 2011 18:03:02 GMT -8
I'm so off the chain, I don't know which label to wear from minute to minute. So just call my an addict.
I'm trying my best to stay sex free for a little while. It's difficult. A lot of my buddies are acting like it's the 60's out in San Fran. I really need to find some more healthy folks to hang with. Today, I went and talked to the pastor of the new church i attended. He was trying to sale me all these guys to hang with. It's hard for me to make friends with "Church or normal" people. I've tried it before. So I usually go back to being the way I've been for so long. Full Blown Sex/love addict. I used to say, at least i'm not using. This last relationship was harder than getting off dope. So I tell myself I'll play the roll of avoidance. Which I've always done up until i met the last ex. I was beat at my own game.
It's sad to think this is how I truly feel. That I don't trust God with bringing healthy people in my life. So I doubt, then run back to the familiar pain. The pastor guy tells me to hang tough. Set my mind on God and he will bring good things to pass. Maybe the reason I can't have healthy relationship is I'm to Narcissistic.
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Post by tizzy on Jun 16, 2011 18:47:48 GMT -8
freetolive, I could be wrong, but you don't seem like a narcissist to me either. From what I understand about narcissists, they don't think anything is wrong with them and they definitely don't seek help. They tend to think everyone else is the problem and never admit any self wrongdoing. You don't fit that mold in my opinion.
I don't think someone belonging to a church or being a pastor necessarily makes them "normal" or healthy. I'd be careful about putting such a label on that broad a group of people, and I'd evaluate potential friends from a church just as carefully as I would any other person I met.
It's encouraging to be told to focus on your HP and they will bring good things to your life, but you must also believe you are capable of creating love and happiness and good fortune for yourself as well. That way you don't sit around waiting on it to "happen" to you. i know people who actually do that and I'm like "well, what are you gonna do about making your own happiness and prosperity? what effort are you putting into your life?"
Are you in touch with members of your recovery group? They can be significant sources of support when you're feeling weak. You can see if your group has a phone list of people you can call and talk to every day. They will help you build your strength and stay on track with your recovery.
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Post by LovelyJune on Jun 17, 2011 2:18:49 GMT -8
sex addict, love addict, romance addict...it doesn't really matter. You're an addict. Whatever you are addicted to is secondary to the fact that you are AVOIDING YOURSELF in the process of living your life fully.
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Post by akitagirl on Jun 17, 2011 6:30:40 GMT -8
This person IS a narcissist and thank you for redirecting them to another board. I believe Narcissists don't look for help, they just look for words and feelings that they can mimic. They are constantly searching for things to add to their arsenal. If they experience a major event in their life they may look to a physchiatrist for meds, but thats about it. None of these others sound anything like a Narcissist to me.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Aug 5, 2011 17:14:31 GMT -8
Good to read this. My ex seems have a lot of NLA traits. He reacts like a pressure cooker exploding when I suggested he needs help to kick his drug habit. Although he did admit he had a problem. He thinks it's his to deal with alone. Whatever he is, he's not for me, and I need to focus on healing my own hurt.
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Post by overcomer on Aug 6, 2011 16:56:28 GMT -8
Jacarandagirl: I second what you said. I could hardly believe that my POA is showing those traits. But it does not matter I'm practicing detachment and responsible only of my own. 
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Post by pugmama on Sept 13, 2011 6:02:57 GMT -8
fantastic to find this board! Until recently i seemed to be drawn to narcissists! I was mistaken in thinking that they were simply confident people and trying build my own self confidence/esteem I thought I could learn from them. Boy was I wrong! I married the king daddy narcissist in '95 and he still has a death grip on my life despite divorce. I was dumb enough to take him back in 1999 when I found out I was pregnant. Using my daughter to control me..i feel like a trapped animal and im about to blow. And then he gets to play the crazy card when I lose my temper and self control at his antics. Im having soooo much fun in the south here LOL
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Post by LovelyJune on Sept 13, 2011 6:33:27 GMT -8
Hey pugmama-- I know how it feels when you say "I was dumb enough to take him back," but now's a good time to be "Smart enough to let him go..." Get yourself a good attorney (even if you have no $, there's welfare/pro-bono attorneys that can help), and set up child support and custody times. You're not trapped. But you will have to take risks that you might not like in order to get out of this situation.
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Post by smbeets on Sept 15, 2011 9:42:10 GMT -8
I also believe this person is a narcissist. They do visit boards like this so they can compare and work a angle on someone else. They like to talk the talk and fake the walk.
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Post by tajeloveaddicted on Apr 22, 2013 10:19:03 GMT -8
Hi everyone. I am new to this page, inafct its last night I discovered that I am a love addict. I came to know about this (Love Addict) term through a newspaper, and all the symptoms/thought mentioned were pretty much true, and co-inside with the emotions I am undergoing now a days. infact these emotions are triggering since last one year. And finally came across this website and going through this article I would like to clasify my self as Narcissist Love Addict.
I need help!
and please direct me to a page where I find a solution to this.
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Post by Loving My Life on Apr 23, 2013 14:38:29 GMT -8
Tajeloveaddicted,
Please go to the newcomers thread and introduce yourself to us, how you got here, and what your recovery goals are.
Also we the welcome thread under the home tab as well.
This way everyone will see you are new, and when we know some of your story we can make suggestions to you. You will find a lot of knowledge and support on this forum.
Keep coming back.
Again welcome, we are all glad you are here.
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