Post by Phoenix on Jul 22, 2010 8:06:24 GMT -8
I am currently working on my self esteem issues in my LA recovery & therapy. Susan has written an article on Self Esteem which includes a list of 17 ways to improve yours. I think I am one of those people that Susan says have to work harder than others to reclaim their self-esteem, and twice as hard as hard to keep it!
#5 on the list resonated strongly with me today:
5. Surround yourself, whenever possible, with people who affirm you (people who like you just the way you are). Like it or not, your relationship with others can erode your self-esteem. So make a point of choosing your friends carefully. You did not have a choice about this as a child, but as an adult you are free to pick and choose most of your companions.
OK, if you are like me some of your friends or companions or partners in crime have NOT been good for your self esteem. You know the ones that criticize us, subtly or not so subtly, the ones that put us down for not being what they think they need or want us to be, or whatever we are that displeases them?
Or we all know the backstabbing "friend" who pretends to be one thing but their actions betray their words. GOOD NEWS! We are adults now and we can choose who we spend time with, whose words we let into our hearts and minds. In my life, people whose behavior is proven not to be congruent with their words are not allowed in. Simple as that. I deserve no less and I have suffered greatly when I did not protect myself. I won't put myself through that pain again.
Lately I have begun playing and writing music again. I have reconnected with my music friends, good, FUN people I lost touch with during my relationship with POA. I was surprised how happy some were to hear from me again. They let me know how much they missed our collaborations and jam sessions.
After my breakthrough (better than calling it a breakdown!) I felt so empty, so unsure of who or what I was alone. I could feel the wind blowing right through me. It feels so good to be with my old music friends, to be the "me" I know and love. To know again that part of me that creates music, the part of me that knows how to enjoy myself with no thought of an addict's needs or my own need to control. To spend time with people with whom I do not act out my LA. It feels so good to nurture friendships based on creation not soul numbing destruction.
In my recovery some "friends" have dropped away, they don't like me as much this way. I refuse to get caught up in their drama. Other friendships have been renewed. I accept this. Having the courage to grow means saying goodbye to some relationships (I do hate goodbyes) but I do so knowing it will aid my recovery. I tell myself that I am on a different path now & not to fret & perhaps one day our paths will cross again.
I am choosing my friends carefully now. You even have to pass an interview & prove your honesty & kindness over time before you get into my heart ....in contrast to leaving the door wide open for just anyone to walk in who needed me.
I do believe that if I learn to love myself and surround myself with positivity and creativity I can create the loving, healthy relationships I need to grow and recover. ~Phoenix
#5 on the list resonated strongly with me today:
5. Surround yourself, whenever possible, with people who affirm you (people who like you just the way you are). Like it or not, your relationship with others can erode your self-esteem. So make a point of choosing your friends carefully. You did not have a choice about this as a child, but as an adult you are free to pick and choose most of your companions.
OK, if you are like me some of your friends or companions or partners in crime have NOT been good for your self esteem. You know the ones that criticize us, subtly or not so subtly, the ones that put us down for not being what they think they need or want us to be, or whatever we are that displeases them?
Or we all know the backstabbing "friend" who pretends to be one thing but their actions betray their words. GOOD NEWS! We are adults now and we can choose who we spend time with, whose words we let into our hearts and minds. In my life, people whose behavior is proven not to be congruent with their words are not allowed in. Simple as that. I deserve no less and I have suffered greatly when I did not protect myself. I won't put myself through that pain again.
Lately I have begun playing and writing music again. I have reconnected with my music friends, good, FUN people I lost touch with during my relationship with POA. I was surprised how happy some were to hear from me again. They let me know how much they missed our collaborations and jam sessions.
After my breakthrough (better than calling it a breakdown!) I felt so empty, so unsure of who or what I was alone. I could feel the wind blowing right through me. It feels so good to be with my old music friends, to be the "me" I know and love. To know again that part of me that creates music, the part of me that knows how to enjoy myself with no thought of an addict's needs or my own need to control. To spend time with people with whom I do not act out my LA. It feels so good to nurture friendships based on creation not soul numbing destruction.
In my recovery some "friends" have dropped away, they don't like me as much this way. I refuse to get caught up in their drama. Other friendships have been renewed. I accept this. Having the courage to grow means saying goodbye to some relationships (I do hate goodbyes) but I do so knowing it will aid my recovery. I tell myself that I am on a different path now & not to fret & perhaps one day our paths will cross again.
I am choosing my friends carefully now. You even have to pass an interview & prove your honesty & kindness over time before you get into my heart ....in contrast to leaving the door wide open for just anyone to walk in who needed me.
I do believe that if I learn to love myself and surround myself with positivity and creativity I can create the loving, healthy relationships I need to grow and recover. ~Phoenix
