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Post by calvinaha on Jul 26, 2010 17:33:46 GMT -8
I find myself almost a year into a relationship with a familiar pattern emerging. It has happened in the past sometimes to a greater degree and sometimes lessor.
I am wanting more time from my partner and am not feeling fulfilled by my own being. She is pulling away and feeling smothered. As I read Pia's book I am recognizing my Love Addicted behavior and her Love Avoidance.
What to do from here for both of us to find peace? We both acknowledge that there is an issue and both are aware of the need for fixing. This is going to be an eye opener and provide huge personal growth for us both.
Besides Pia's $2K+ retreat is there an affordable place to seek help in/near WA area. What about on the west coast? A retreat or otherwise for avg folks who have limited resources.
Thanks to all of you for coming here and I'm glad we can support each other in our humanity and discovery of what it is to be human.
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Post by lonely1 on Jul 28, 2010 13:34:21 GMT -8
As a codep (I'm in recovery),we do have a tendency to 'take' the other persons problems, situations, etc and solve 'for them'. The other person can perceive this as we think they are incapable / incompetent. As we continue to do things (to earn the continuance of the relationship), we place them in overload... "You do so much for me"...they'd like to say "Stop ! let me...."
How 'bout you try to stop 'doing for' and wait (as hard as it is) for a "please, would you..." request . . . . If you stop & she stays with ya, that could indicate she really does like "you" (in contrast to "what you can do for her"). She will feel less overwhelmed and I'll bet you'll feel less "let down" ( resentment -> I did for her, and didn't even get a kiss).
Hang in there buddy, As a fellow CoDep. . . .been there, done that....gave her the T shirt (off my back)....
I'm past that now...you will be too have ya looked for some CoDA meetings in your area ? . . .12 step or share . . .it's a start on a wonderful journey
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