Post by iselita on Aug 11, 2010 14:17:12 GMT -8
When we are no longer with our poa what is it that we must work on afterwards? Self esteem!!
Usually if you are working a program there are other things to consider in recovery, when doing your 12 steps. But for me I feel my self esteem is the far most important thing, i need to work on right now. Especially since my fantasies about my poa being this great man, have diminished. (I am not saying i don't fantasize or think of him. Because i do plenty of fantasizing it's just anger driven it seems like. )I am left to work on my self esteem.
Peoples criticism have always gotten to me way more then normal. And usually it seems like i get criticized more by the people closest to me. So what they have said i usually repeat in my head.
I consider myself a "pretty girl"! I am a lover of makeup ( i mean as a professional), nails (as a hobby) and huge on fashion. I always have made it a priority to look my best. I know there is nothing wrong with doing makeup and loving it and what not. But sometimes i feel like i hide behind it. I have always had the looks and i actually panic to think they would go away. Because i have had this train of thought that no one would like me outside of my looks. So now that i am getting older and not a teenager anymore or even in my early 20's, i freak out and doubt.
I am very aware that i base everything on looks most of the time. My poa was so handsome, that every friend that met him would say so. For the longest time that's all i focused on, before the hurt.
This self esteem thing is a big issue. And eventhough i try to redirect myself and be me. It's like i can't do it and i wind up doing what i am used to doing. This issue has gotten in the way of me actually knowing who i really am. As well as giving others the chance to let me know who they are, and loving and being loved for it.
Right now i see myself more and more insecure. Does anyone understand what i mean?
Usually if you are working a program there are other things to consider in recovery, when doing your 12 steps. But for me I feel my self esteem is the far most important thing, i need to work on right now. Especially since my fantasies about my poa being this great man, have diminished. (I am not saying i don't fantasize or think of him. Because i do plenty of fantasizing it's just anger driven it seems like. )I am left to work on my self esteem.
Peoples criticism have always gotten to me way more then normal. And usually it seems like i get criticized more by the people closest to me. So what they have said i usually repeat in my head.
I consider myself a "pretty girl"! I am a lover of makeup ( i mean as a professional), nails (as a hobby) and huge on fashion. I always have made it a priority to look my best. I know there is nothing wrong with doing makeup and loving it and what not. But sometimes i feel like i hide behind it. I have always had the looks and i actually panic to think they would go away. Because i have had this train of thought that no one would like me outside of my looks. So now that i am getting older and not a teenager anymore or even in my early 20's, i freak out and doubt.
I am very aware that i base everything on looks most of the time. My poa was so handsome, that every friend that met him would say so. For the longest time that's all i focused on, before the hurt.
This self esteem thing is a big issue. And eventhough i try to redirect myself and be me. It's like i can't do it and i wind up doing what i am used to doing. This issue has gotten in the way of me actually knowing who i really am. As well as giving others the chance to let me know who they are, and loving and being loved for it.
Right now i see myself more and more insecure. Does anyone understand what i mean?
