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Post by EmoUnavail on Aug 12, 2010 6:10:51 GMT -8
This concept blew me away when reading a Codependency book by melody Beattie ... It is classic COD behavior ... Can anyone relate ? 1. Rescue (Forever willing to help out, the one who does it all, doing for others what they could do for themselves, worry what people think, know what others need without being asked, "people please", so forth and so on....) 2. Persecute (resentment) (Feel helpless, frustrated, and "resentful" because they won't: change, accept your help, appreciate your help, understand that you're just trying to help, etc. You become HURT and ANGRY.) 3. Victim (Why does this keep happening to me? I was only trying to help. Who do they think they are? Doesn't anyone appreciate me? Why do I keep doing this? ....) Attachments:
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Post by LovelyJune on Aug 12, 2010 7:22:10 GMT -8
Yes! I used to think exactly like this. The good news is, when you surround yourself with healthy people, they don't want to be rescued or helped. At first, you will feel as though you are not "needed," "appreciated" or "valued." But that's because you have previously always based your worth on your inherent nature of helping others. But once you start to base your worth not so much on your actions as they apply to other people, but rather, your actions as they apply to WHO YOU ARE WITHOUT THE OTHER PERSON, all on your own, you are better able to accept a less co-dependent existence. Does this make sense?
T
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Post by lonely1 on Aug 12, 2010 8:13:52 GMT -8
Beautiful Words telmita.
One person can slide across from corner to corner . . .and slamming into the corner hurts....
Life turns to sh,,t when the other person in a relationship is also sliding from corner to corner.
One person slides, the other responds by sliding to a different corner....
It becomes a frikken nightmare: the CoDep gets completely lost....trying to figure out what corner the other person is in, and how to get the other person to move to the corner the CoDep wants the other person to be in....so the CoDep can slide to the corner that the CoDep thinks he/she is supposed to be in.
( Oh, this triangle , and the madness described above, is one of the drivers behind abused wives always giving him 'one more chance')
It is so frightneing to step out of the triangle . . .but ya know what ? After "hold your breath - jump out - fight like HxLL to not jump back" ya rapidly ( I mean rapidly) learn it is nice to be out of that rat race. . . .and me for one said to myself "crimminey, why'd I wait so long...."
The "jump out" is the surround yourself with healthy people in telmita's words the fight to not jump back is in response to the 'ugly feeling' we get from finally doing something for us . . .and the feeling you are not "needed" - no one to rescue....
Love & Brighter Futures to all
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