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Post by lacypooh on Sept 21, 2010 10:48:01 GMT -8
I have a lot of things on my plate, besides love addiction & self esteem, I am in the process of building up my finances. I realize that I have been depressed & isolating myself from the world.
I have gained weight during this time of isolation, but for the most part I am still considered attractive & the few times I have stepped out of my comfort zone recently, I have been hit on, and gave my number out a few times.
But my question is, should we not date when we are new to recovery? It has been about two weeks for me now & although I have learned a lot & know my past dating behaviors were unhealthy, I am not sure if i am ready to test the waters.
What do you guys think?
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Post by lonely1 on Sept 22, 2010 8:49:09 GMT -8
Are you ready to see , , ,and acknowledge 'flags' ?
That is, if he is taking advantage....will you see that ? will you set your boundary & be firm ? Will YOU be able to tell him "No !!!"
and the hardest question : do you feel you will be able to recognize when you are sliding backwards to your old behaviors ?
I feel : it is too soon to 'date'; a 'meeting' for lunch (daylight, neutral location, etc, etc) might be OK, but do not lead on that this 'meeting' is in fact the 'beginning'... keep in mind - it is just a meeting. Pay attention to his 'hitting'...more and more too soon should be a big ol yeller flag.
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Post by lacypooh on Sept 22, 2010 11:00:09 GMT -8
lonely1 I will take all of what you said into consideration, 9 especially about this not being the beginning , but just indeed a meeting) thank you!
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Post by lonely1 on Sept 23, 2010 10:07:00 GMT -8
You're so very welcome
Please enjoy your journey into your new and better future . . . . . remember: YOU are behind the steering wheel, the journey goes where YOU take it.
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Post by whisper on Sept 23, 2010 10:32:02 GMT -8
I think everyone has to decide for themselves. Don't settle though And watch for the red flags.
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Post by lacypooh on Sept 23, 2010 11:30:19 GMT -8
Thanks guys, I am watching them as well as myself very closely lol
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Post by lacypooh on Sept 24, 2010 7:33:35 GMT -8
Paisley,
Is your guy friend a "nice..or safe guy" it seems that way & we generally don't find them attractive because it is too safe & not exciting, we would much rather the pull & tug of the bad guy , the unavailable guy, the one who makes us chase them, physically and emotionally.
It has always been easy for me to pace myself with a guy who wanted to be there, but the ones who made me feel unsure....oh yea, any sign of affection & ( or even just a simple text to say hi) & we're already planning the wedding in my mind lol.
I "lol" but this is a serious matter, i'm sure you'll get a date again soon, and even better, a healthy relationship =)
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Post by lonely1 on Sept 24, 2010 8:27:38 GMT -8
'nice guy'
One that cares for you, but does not 'over care'.
One that will comfortably agree to going someplace with you and your friends.
One that doesn't push for a kiss or try to get in yer clothing on 1st or 2nd date, and if he does & you say no.... , still wants to do lunch , movie, milk shake ( or any other daylight, open in public activity ) with you again..
Oh, I'm a guy . . .and if 'on night stand' was purpose of 'date' , there probably wouldn't be a second attempt...too easy to move on to another target.
(and I'm not the above kinda guy....geee, maybe that's why I spend a lot of time alone LOL )
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Post by lacypooh on Sept 24, 2010 8:40:00 GMT -8
Ahh Lonely1 I have befriended many men who fit the descriptions you just gave, in my unhealthy thoughts I couldn't find an attraction there if you paid me, but prayerfully recovery will help me attracted to this type of man, because ideally it is what I want.
I'm kind of worried, seems a " nice guy" or I'll say a "healthy partner" hasn't approached me in a long time, lately it's only been the unavailable guys. Will I get another chance??? * frantically bites finger nails**.....
But you said you aren't that type of guy? Oh, what type of guy are you, I am curious ?
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Post by lacypooh on Sept 24, 2010 9:36:01 GMT -8
awww paisley, that is so cute, just out enjoying one another's time, they( whoever they are) say that the best relationship are formed from friendship. I'm going to stay hopeful with you that you can become attracted to a healthy relationship ( even if not with the guy you referenced above).
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Post by lonely1 on Sept 28, 2010 8:33:04 GMT -8
Wingz
I'm kind of worried, seems a " nice guy" or I'll say a "healthy partner" hasn't approached me in a long time, lately it's only been the unavailable guys. >> I'll bet that more than one nice guy has passed through your radar....but, because the person didn't fit what your subconcious wanted, you did not pay attention
Will I get another chance??? >> Oh yes, He (HP) will see to that . . .you just need to keep your eyes open
* frantically bites finger nails**..... >> Staaap Cewink Ya NayAils DahLink
But you said you aren't that type of guy? Oh, what type of guy are you, I am curious ?
>> I am the guy that will >> . . treat you like a princess, probably to the point of being 'in the way' >> . . will cater to your every need, to the point of being a nuisnace >> . . may want to kiss you, and is scared krapless to ask you if I may
>> If you were falling, would grab you gentely to arrest your fall and >> apologize 'forever' because I accidently brushed your tush during the fall arrest.
>> if you took you cloths off, would sit & look away unless specifically told otherwise.
>> if told to sleep on sofa, would do so with out contest >> and will have coffee ready for you in the morning.
>> yea, I would have dreams & desires....but would never speak or act upon >> unless asked to . . .
>> So, I do not know what 'category' to place myself in, but I feel it's akin to >> 'too' nice a guy . . .boringly nice :-)
>> ummm, a thought just hit my head.... >> I wonder if because I am so nice (?), a girl thinks I'm not serious . . .
>> Oh, I turned 62 last Sat....
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 4, 2010 6:35:15 GMT -8
Hi lonely1,
Thanks for your response, it gave me some reassurance!
You stated,
>> ummm, a thought just hit my head.... >> I wonder if because I am so nice (?), a girl thinks I'm not serious . . .
I think that could be the case. Sometimes us gals like the man to take the lead, to be in charge, the way you described yourself, you sound very respectful, which is a great thing, but may also come off as though you aren't interested. Just my thoughts =) And happy belated Bday!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by lonely1 on Oct 4, 2010 8:59:28 GMT -8
Thank you on the B-day wish . . .
Yea, I dunno if I'm nieve, naive or what....but 'after the fact' I oft wonder if she wanted to share a good night kiss . . .I think she does, but am scared to venture a try....I may be wrong....not gonna ask- how naive is that ? almost like I need a neon sign telling me what she wants
As I work my way thru CoDep recovery, I'm learning that many of my 'hero' actions, meant with the absoulte of best intentions, could and were taken significantly differently.
One case....everytime I (with spouse) visited son & his wife, I was always putzen around the house...cleaning, straghtening, cooking, fixing, etc. I did it because: they are both busy, jobs and 2 kids.....I'm standing around with nothing to do....bored...might as well do something. They perceived: House isn't clean enough, food isn't cooked will enough, they don't know how to fix, etc.
another case: a very nice lady...ripped off by hubbie, then boyfriend...down on her $ luck...barely afford groceries....seemed to take a shining to me...I liked the attention.... I offered to, and sometimes 'just did' buy stuff (parts for car, parts for computer printer), we'd go to the bookstore,,,,any book she said "I've always wanted, but will never afford" went in the shopping cart,,,I bought...I even sent her $ now & then... Why ?: to justify to me that I deserved her attention, affection (I learned long ago, from parents, that a child must do something extraordinary to get a hug or pat on the back). I wanted to show her that not every guy is gonna rip her off; show she does deserve respect , kindness; let her have a taste of luxury (books, extra groceries, etc). Her spin: a constant reminder of how bad off she is . . .
Don't judge a book by its cover....followed with every book has two covers....
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 4, 2010 19:01:10 GMT -8
lonely...that was very interesting, i pictured those scenarios in my head as I read them, how you meant them as well as how they came off. My mother often does things like that, we have fallen on some tough times financially and when we go to a relatives house for dinner she always does the dishes and even their laundry. She does it to show her value, to show that even though she is struggling she still has some use. I feel bad for her. But now I wonder if the people she does that for take it the way you described earlier, I surely hope not.
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saggie
Junior Member
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Post by saggie on Oct 5, 2010 6:43:45 GMT -8
Lonely1
Its nice to hear that there are still nice and respectful guys out there. But I have come to realize that nice people are not appreciated as much as you would expect.
My husband is a "nice man", that`s why I married him, and that`s how I would describe him to every one who asked why I picked him. But after a while, the niceness became so boring that I wanted/want to shoot myself every time he talks. He has nothing interesting to say.
In the beginning he would talk for hours about mundane things, or his prior life, and that was okay because I wanted to learn as much about him as I could. Now when he talks(when he is not losing his temper), or when he hangs out with me, I just ignore him or shut him out - I become the emotionally unavailable one.
But the more I ignore him, the more he tries to be nice, so that he can gain my attention and my favor. It doesn`t work. I appreciate the fact that he is a good human being(when he is not getting angry at the smallest things), but being super nice all the time is sometimes a turn off. I don`t find him sexually attractive at all.
I think what women want, is not necessarily nice men, but good men. I think there is a difference. Good men do the best they can, nice men do way too much, more than they should sometimes, and that comes off as slightly weak and apologetic.
That`s why women are turned off by nice men, they want strong men who take charge, but also who can treat them right. That`s just my opinion, having dated nice men and bad men.
I think we all want something in the middle.
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Post by EmoUnavail on Oct 5, 2010 7:49:58 GMT -8
Saggie,
Wow, very insightful .... although it makes a load of sense it also explains alot of the issues i have with woman .... The whole nice guys finish last is based on this ! ........
That being said ... a codependent like me with a love addiction is completely controlled by the need to do whatever it takes to gain the attention, the contact, the validation ... from the other person. Its what kills the relationship, esp with a Love Avoidant.
It's what brings us here to really level set and understand what we are doing wrong. I was went out of my way to gain that attention from my POA when she started to exhibit the classic love avoidant characteristics ... including dropping food off at her house uninvited, coming over to hug her on a bad day, bringing flowers, and all those things did were REPEL.
I see it now but was oblivious at the time. Is it possible your husband has codependency issues ?
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 5, 2010 8:28:44 GMT -8
I am the classic "nice girl" I go way over and beyond, and though there isn't a saying, i believe nice girls finish last just as nice guys, but this could probably be more so , at least in my case that I -also being a co-dependent attract the emotionally unavailable men.....more speficially the dreaded narcissit. The more I give & love the more they pull away, then come back because they love the attention & affection, but can't offer anything in return. A narcissist loves co-dependent partners because we will literally DO ANYTHING to make them happy. Sad, Sad, Sad.
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Post by lonely1 on Oct 5, 2010 8:45:25 GMT -8
saggie... Read your entry (above)
OMG !!! Are you my soon to be Ex Spouse ? LOL
I do not FEEL my spouse deliberately takes advantage of me . . .I THINK I did an excellent job of training her: Don't worry honey, I'll take care of it . . .fix/build/pay for it....bail you out of $ problem.... Not tonight ? OK, I understand (well, maybe I don't understand why 'not tonight' for years )
And 'forever' I have FELT it was my fault: - I said or did something to make it go away (affection to tender touch, so to speak) - I've not done enough to warrant/earn/ deserve - I'm not any good/exciting/ creative
I've learned a lot over the past few years...therapy & support groups have opened my eyes....and if anything, has allowed me to FEEL . . .and some of those feelings are hungar (spiritual, emotional, physical) . . .
As i said to her 10 months ago "I am starving for affection...a kiss...a hug" and true to the training I provided : I understand...not gonna happen . .but now, I am no longer accepting 'not tody' everyday in a row....'decades' is too many days in a row.
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 5, 2010 8:54:55 GMT -8
Lonely1..................your post made me sad, I am sorry your needs have gone unmet for "decades"......you are enough, you deserve to have your needs met , without giving up your right arm in exchange for it.
I'm so glad you are no longer accepting that treatment.
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Post by EmoUnavail on Oct 5, 2010 9:03:15 GMT -8
lonely1 ...
I am 39 and was going through bouts of 6 to 8 mths of not tonight. I am also in a position where i have had many offers from woman who WERE interested ... and i finally gave in when my POA came along.
Needless to say i could see myself being where you are and going decades of being neglected and miserable.
I am trying to see what left of this marriage and if its not there, its not there. I would hate to endure what you have had to. Life is too short to waste on people who don't care about your affections.
Good for you for coming to the realization and moving on. This life, YOUR life is all about YOU. Start living it that way.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 5, 2010 15:59:40 GMT -8
Read A Fine Romance: Courtship from Meeting to Marriage, by Judith Sills for more about courtship (a lost art). I am related by marriage to Nathanial Hawthorne. He was engaged to Sophia Peabody for years before they married and made love. His letters to her during the courtship with so tender. I waited a year to sleep with my last partner. We wanted to be married. The night I finally held her in my arms I thought I had gone to heaven. Courtship is sublime. Waiting makes the moment of coming together so special. People should try it.
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saggie
Junior Member
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Post by saggie on Oct 5, 2010 20:43:47 GMT -8
Being on the other side of the codependent/ Avoidant, I really feel for all of you above. Yes, EmoUnava, I think my husband is a codependent, and I`m the Avoidant one. No matter how much I ignore him, or don`t meet his needs, he never gets mad at me - he gets mad at the littlest things - but not at me.
Instead he loves me even more, thinking that loving me more will make me love him too. Doesn`t work.
The only time he gets my attention is when he is not trying to love me, when he is tired and is not trying at all to get my attention.(I know, there is something wrong with me).
The fact that I know he loves me is the only reason why I`m still with him though. I don`t necessarily love the attention he showers me with, but I like the security he provides, and I also feel guilty because he treats me so well. I feel like I have no right to leave him, since I have asked God/Higher Power to send me a nice man who will treat me well. I have gotten what I have asked for, and now I feel like I should be grateful and should count my blessings.
But I definately feel bad for all the codependent out there who fall for people like me. I honestly thought my husband would have confronted me with my avoidance and my remoteness by now, but he hasn`t. I think he is afraid if he does, I will walk away...and I will.
I thought I would be with him until he got tired of being treated so callously by me( I don`t treat him badly, I just don`t meet his emotional and sexual needs), but he doesn`t seem to want to let go, so I may have to walk away then.
My advice to codependents - don`t go on thinking if you could only love them a little more, they will come to their senses and realize how lucky they are that they are loved by you, that you are willing to do anything for them. If they are not reciprocating that love today, there`s no evidence that they will tomorrow.
So maybe you should either lower your expectations, or walk away, though walking away is harder to do of course, or we would all not be here.
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 6, 2010 6:33:45 GMT -8
Saggie,
Thanks for this post! You are right, being the co-dependent in the relationship is soooo hard. You said your husband never expresses his dis content it sounds like he's like me---I was groomed by my mother never to express any negative emotions. Through inner child work, I discovered that this continued into all my relationships. I siltently take mistreatment, endure it with a smile. I was a walking robot, everything was "perfect" I never complained, never seemed uninterested. I laughed at jokes that weren't funny, endured movies/tv shows I had NO interest in, ALL THE TIME, I dressed the way they wanted to ( or whatever I thought they wanted me to dress like) I did my best to be the best me....for them, in both friendships and romantic relationships. No wonder I was never truly "happy". I wasn't ever myself, but I didn't know who I was---I am now trying to find out.
I desperately want to break the cycle of attracting avoidant and emotionally unavailable people, it is such mental torture.
Saggie, Do you know or have any thoughts on why you are avoidant?
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 6, 2010 7:01:34 GMT -8
Dating-- This guy that I've known for a long time keeps trying to "date me". He has some serious emotional issues ( not judging, just stating what I observe) and doesn't listen when i say I only want to be his friend. In the past, I have had problems keeping the line clear, I would say I only want to be friends or just a companion, but would end up cuddling, or accepting massages, sometimes even letting them pay for my meal when we're out. That was because I was extremely hungry for affection and those men were eagerly ready to give it to me. But I have grown sense then, and do not do that with him. I think he is a LA--and he once told me he was going to a support group for love/sex addiction. But that was before I'd ever heard of LA.
So I now understand why he 'rushes" so much. He is anxious to get to the "we're in love" phase, without putting in the emotional ground work that usually leads up to it. He is exactly as I used to be. We talked on the phone one evening for a few hours. The next day he asked me to bring him lunch at work. I told him we are not dating, that is something I do for a BOYFRIEND. I stopped talking to him because things like that kept happening. We even argued about it, but 2 days later he was right back to acting like nothing happened. I deleted his # & stopped answering his calls.
I Facebooked him after a few months asking for that love/sex addiction support group info and he has been right back acting like we're "courting" ever since. He called, instead of replying on fb and has been asking to see me. Sometimes , when i feel lonely or wanting affection/attention, I think about giving in and letting him take me out. But i know it would be wrong as I don't have any interest in dating & he is stuck in "I'm ready for love land".
He says he no longer thinks he needs that support group( he never went to it) but he does, I really want to encourage him to get help, without making him recoil and think I am just being "mean", shut down and NEVER get help.
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Post by lonely1 on Oct 6, 2010 8:42:45 GMT -8
I spent a lot of the begening decades 'hiding', shall I say....comfortabley numb to flat out passed out...but I'm dry...been so 16 yr 6 months . . . Affrection & tender touch has been gone long before I dried up . . . . .after dry out, I really really really started to yern Went over the fence in 1994 . . .lasted a few wondrful months . .she wanted more in her life, , ,,I understood...yes, it was painful, but I politely stood aside. 10 yr later, again I go over the fence I go...another few months....
Now,,,,why didn't I leave long ago ? I have learned of my codependency, and just how profound and compulsive it really is: When W & I married, we left the 'boat' of parents and sailed the seas of life in 'our' boat. I did it all: navigated, repaired, cleaned, etc.... She is a spendaholic...I've given her over a 100K for her charge cards.... So I look at the boat...full of rocks & leaking holes; I spend my married life pitching the rocks overboard - fixing the holes.... I noticed : it was her that brought the rocks...her that was poking holes.... I could see islands, where people are playing vollyball, picnics, laughter, etc. Hey, says I to myself, I want to be there....I can swim that far , , ,I bet I can even fend off sharks . . I'm going.... Then I think : I look over my shoulder, as I swim, and see the boat & her sinking...she's going to drown...I can do that to her....and i talk my self out of jumping overboard... Who knows, maybe someday she'll realize I'm an OK guy,,,doing it all for her....and maybe she'll do for me....
Over the years, I would hint of what I miss . . .golly, gee, will we ....whine and wimper
In '94, before I went over the fence...I told her "the temptaion is terrific , , ,I feel my resistance is crumbling" . . .no change
Spin the clock to 10 months ago : I finally 'man up' and tell her: I want a future that includes affection, intamacy , passion I want a future that includes financail stability.
Well, since that time - no affection, etc - she's declaring bankrupcy - yes, i know...not the right thing to do . . but met a lady that wants 'me' for the past 7 months, she has not asked, hinted, whine, stated of anything she wants "of" me, she wants me . . .
The kindness, caring, hand holding, hugging . . . - I feel the other two 'over the fence' were tap-tap-tap on the shoulder of what could be. - Now I feel Higher Power has wacked me with a 2-by-4 right in the forehead.....and heart.
Oh, another thought that has crossed my mind . . . As Codeps, we are very afraid of 'going for it'...making decisions, especially big ones....we do not want to make a mistake. We will miss, and later regret, a golden opportunity because our fear of error (even if a small chance) overwhelms the joy of a good outcome.(even if a great chance . . .when we feel great chace of something good, we loose faith in our abiltiy to predict chance of good. After all, we don't deserve good, do we ?)...
Well, I do not think I am making a mistake, but if it becomes a mistake, I feel I'm 'man enough' to handle it
I'm 62 yr old,,,,it's about frikken time I take a chance : - the outcome could very well be good ! - It is MY mistake to make - I do not beleive I am making a mistake - and if it does become a mistake . . . - - rather than beating my self to stuff for being stuipd (and taking a chance) - - I'll chalk it up to . . . chit happens . .learn and not repeat.
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oldendances
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
"Go Placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence"
Posts: 228
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Post by oldendances on Oct 6, 2010 9:52:54 GMT -8
Hi Lonely One,
Your sailing and boat analogies are wonderful. I liked the parts about the rocks she was bringing aboard and the holes she was making.
It sounds like your eyes are open and you are watchful about what you are getting yourself into. Good luck with this new person, and keep us filled in so those of us who also wish to share a boat can learn from you.
Dances
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 6, 2010 10:47:55 GMT -8
Paisley, please no bowing at my feet yet =). I admit I am able to be very assertive with guys.....who i know I am not interested in. But guys where there is the slightest attraction and I am a shaking whimp. They walk all over me, and boundaries, WHAT boundaries?
Well until I started working on my self esteem and found about LA. I kno what you mean when you spoke of sleeping with a POA. I slept with mine for years and felt horrible after, each time! But I have grown, last week, I was able to tell HIM I didn't like the way he was talking to me. It was hard even on text message! But.......he stopped talking to me in that way. Now of course i must find the courage to tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE.....once & for all. This is something I've been struggling with. He has gone back to the "sweet, charming" him and I keep telling myself he'll be confused if i tell him to go away now.....but it isn't about him, it's about me. So yea, not a rockstar........quite yet lol
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saggie
Junior Member
Posts: 64
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Post by saggie on Oct 6, 2010 21:10:10 GMT -8
Boundries!! What a great word!
I guess for me setting boundries means not letting anyone treat me like stuff...at all. I find it hard to tolerate even the slightest discomfort or mistreatment from anyone. I would even go as far as to say, I may be a mini Narcissist. I`m extremely aware of my needs, and if I feel that they are not being met, I bail, never mind that I may not be meeting the needs of the other person.
I`m not a bad person, but I never bend backwards for anyone, especially the ones whom I feel don`t deserve my goodwill.
Don`t get me wrong, I`m very loyal and would do anything for anyone, but not if it is at my own expense. If someone treats me bad, I shut them out, if they ignore me, I ignore them. But when they come back and treat me well, I let them in and treat them well.
I don`t meet my husband`s emotional and sexual needs, but I treat him with respect and gentleness and care, only because he treats me well. My POA, when I perceive him to be ignoring me, I ignore him and try to move on.
But as a torch bearer, it is extremely hard to let go of my POA`s. I can let them go physically and never see or talk to them again, but I don`t know how to stop obsessing about them.
Prettywings, you asked me why do I think I`m an Avoidant - FEAR Of INTIMACY, FEAR OF BEING LOVED.
FEAR OF INTIMACY I find it extemely difficult to be vulnerable. I`m terrified of people seeing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. My husband has never seen me cry. I have seen him cry, he has never seen me sad. Angry, irritated, yes. But sad, depressed, never!
I grew up with this notion that emotions were things to be ashamed of, to be hidden behind a mask of perfection. And that the illusion of perfection was everything. Hence I would never, ever, admit my flaws to anyone (I`m doing this now only because of the cover of anonymity).
FEAR OF BEING LOVED
I`m terrified of being loved by someone I love back, because I feel like that would be the end of the world. To me, finding love with a possible "soul mate", seems like the ultimate goal in life, and I fear that once I get that, what`s left to strife for? And what is to stop God/Higher Power/Universe to strike me down with some misfortune, now that I have everything? I feel like if I receive love from someone I love, I`m being greedy, because people aren`t suppose to have it all.
I know that sounds crazy, but that`s how I feel. That`s how I came to allow the love I had for my husband to fade away. Once I knew he was here to stay, I thought I didn`t really deserve to be happy, so I went on a mission to find all his faults, and concentrated on them( he`s too nice, he`s too weak, he`s not interesting... and so on).
I concentrated on his flaws so much that the love I had for him quickly disappeared.
Sad, I Know.
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 6, 2010 21:22:30 GMT -8
Saggie,
I understand and it makes sense. I know that i go ack and forth between being avoidant and being extremely co-dependent. If i like the guy, I'm co-dependent, if he's nice like you describe your husband to be...I'm avoidant. It's really weird, I wish I could switch it!
Iadmire your back bone though, you said you never let anyone walk all over you, I really strive to get to the point where I can say that. I'm getting better, but soooo far to go lol.
Do you want to work it out with your husband, ro do you plan to let it go? I am just curious. There was a guy who wanted to marry me who sounds exactly like your husband. I couldn't see myself with him, despite the fact that he adored me, believed in family, worked extremely hard and took care of my financial needs. He would have been a great husband as far as taking care of my emotional needs, but I never gave him anything in return. It baffled me why he wanted me so badly. I feel I would have been a horrible wife to him.
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Post by lonely1 on Oct 7, 2010 8:30:47 GMT -8
" last week, I was able to tell HIM I didn't like the way he was talking to me. It was hard even on text message! But.......he stopped talking to me in that way. "
I'll bet you will find future "my boundary is" discussions to be much more comfortable . . .
To me, it was like stepping into a pool of water . . .step a little,,,,,brrrr, I'm afraid . . . . step a little more, brrrrr, more so Then one day I said "awww stuff, just jump & get it over with" . .I jumped . . .didn't drown, didn't freeze, didn't hit the bottom of the pool . . . . and the water ain't so cold aftrer all !
and ya know ? seems like life is much easier now, I feel comfortable 'taking my future' rather than waiting for it....
Wingz, you 'jumped' . . .I'm so glad you did.... and if you haven't felt it yet, you will: I bet you are glad you jumped,,, and now you're more at ease in flexing your muscle . . .
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