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Post by lacypooh on Oct 16, 2010 12:55:26 GMT -8
Social Anxiety--I'm not sure how long it's been there, at least a few years, but I notice it now more prominently as I go to do things on my own. Maybe it was hidden or not there before when I had people around me, friends to go places with. But now, as I try to put my life back together, finding hobbies, and going to meetings, I am alone, and I feel such nervousness and anxiety leading up to me going anywhere. I begin to shake, feel short of breath, nervous, I think of all these reasons why I shouldn't go , and a lot of times in the past those feelings have won. But I desperately want to step out of my comfort zone. I have been forcing myself to go more places. But I just wonder if anyone else goes through this?
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Post by Free at Last on Oct 16, 2010 14:45:41 GMT -8
Is there a general pattern we LA's share in common or am I the only one who feels alone and find it hard to make friends? I always thought perhaps it's my personality (shy, quiet, etc.). Seems like other people are in the same boat too.
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Post by lotus on Oct 16, 2010 15:52:47 GMT -8
I've had problems with social anxiety, and for me just keeping the habit of going out has lessened the symptoms. But I also honor my alone time, because I know I need it more than others.
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 16, 2010 17:41:44 GMT -8
If i have a friend or someone to walk into the place with I don't feel it as much or not at all, but when I have to go somewhere alone I feel so nervous and uncomfortable and have to talk myself into going, so taxing on the mind! But I'm glad yours is getting better lotus!
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Post by lessthanicanbe on Oct 16, 2010 18:35:36 GMT -8
pretty-- Yes, I understand. You would think as we get older that we would have less reservations about facing the outside world. Not always the case, and like lotus, doing more and more outside my comfort zone helps me move past those fears of the unknown. I try to remember everyone has their own set of problems, and it is not always visible on the outside. I have been a master at masking my feelings, and many who think they know me have no clue who I really am. My actions would surprise many, if they truly knew. Point being....we all have our insecurities, and I have to applaud you for recognizing, and facing yours head on. Keep on forging ahead.....you are only picking up speed!!!  |
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oldendances
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
"Go Placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence"
Posts: 228
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Post by oldendances on Oct 17, 2010 6:54:08 GMT -8
Freeatlast,
I too wonder about a connection with shyness and social anxiety in relation to LA. It would be interesting to take a poll about it and see if others suffer from it too. Perhaps some of us want to stick with one person (POA) so we don't have to reach beyond our shyness zone. And we don't want to have to start the search and getting to know someone all over again.
I have battled shyness since I was a teenager. I had to force myself to interact with strangers or go stand in a line alone at lunch. Now I do it all the time without a thought, yet it feels like a false me. There I stand, the shy one watching the outgoing one talk to strangers.
I try to make it my task to talk to someone else in the grocery checkout line, even if there is only a checker there. It seems to bring smiles and lessen tension, so it must be a good thing. I still feel the anxiety, but I can easily talk to just about anyone now.
I would like to go to an LAA meeting here in my city, but have yet to be brave enough. Wish one of you guys could go with me...LOL.
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Post by Free at Last on Oct 17, 2010 22:41:48 GMT -8
oldendances, thanks for your input. Helps to know that I am not the only one...
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Post by almostloverr on Oct 26, 2010 7:07:13 GMT -8
Oldendances, I think you hit the nail on the head. Especially with codependents. It's like, we don't like the social interaction, we shy away from it, so we kind of pick the first person who shows interest in us. Then, we lean too heavily on them and don't want to let go for the fear of anxiety and loneliness again. That's my take on it, at least.
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Post by almostloverr on Oct 29, 2010 4:46:17 GMT -8
I never really thought about it like that, "a connection between being introverted and being obsessive." But now that I think about it, I couldn't agree more.
Well, I don't know that I'd say being shy is a flaw, but when you pair it with the obsessiveness and LA altogether, that's when it becomes destructive. It's completely fine on its own.
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Post by lonely1 on Oct 29, 2010 11:52:59 GMT -8
My situation has an interesting twist . . .
I have no problem being 'friendly' to a completre stranger...I try to see the id tag of the cashier , use the persons name and say "Hi" as though we've know each other for a while.
I can be somewhat flirtaceous (so I've been told) in the complements I share with people....
However, left to my self, I have no interest in going anywhere....If I do 'push' myself....ahhh, this ain't no fun....but if I make a friend' (acquaintance), then I'm having a ball doing whatever the friend & I are doing....
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Post by lacypooh on Oct 29, 2010 12:13:58 GMT -8
lonely1,
I used to be that way, very friendly and very flirtatious ( sometimes i don't mean to flirt, it just comes off that way) but the past five years is when things began to change, hopefully all this "therapy" will help me get my natural confidence back.
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