Post by lacypooh on Oct 18, 2010 18:33:35 GMT -8
I have an online male friend whom I've never met in person. He is extremely kind and nice, I feel very safe with him. I've done the long distance & online dating thing so I am comfortable with verbal hugs, etc, & very comfortable doing so with him.
Anyway, I go to him when I want those things in real life. He'll sit on the phone with me, listen to me, laugh with me, listen to me rant about other men, stay on the line until I fall asleep, whatever ... well today I realized he's my Pesudo boyfriend. I'm guessing this isn't a good thing. Am I using him? Am I just 'acting out"when i go to him for this sort of comfort? I do not want to give him up, not during such a hard time!!!! But i do know that he is unavailable to me because of the distance, so I know I'm still attracted to unavailable men. The truth is if i knew him in person I wouldn't be attracted to him and wouldn't want to date him (But we;d still talk and do all the same things, I just wouldn't date him). Just based on appearance he is too short, too young, and at this point too nice. I know that is horribly vain of me, but this is where we're supposed to be honest right? But...the most painful thing for me to admit is that he is exactly like my ex POA, the one who took me three years to get over, the one I still struggle to stop talking to completely. The only difference is, my friend ACTUALLY IS as nice and caring as he appears to be, my ex POA was just a narcissist hiding his scandalous ways. Narcissist as he may be, we started out the same way, I saw him as young, too short, but sweet and someone I didn't want to just turn away although I knew I didn't want to seriously date him. ( I suggested we be friends w/benefits,he wanted more---I didn't, ....he pulled away and BAM, i was hooked, "fell in love" and emotionally chased him for years). The point is, we never would have gotten to that point if i hadn't leaned on him or used him for affection.
Anyway, I have discussed all of this with my friend, he was confused, yet very supportive all at the same time. He truly wants what's best for me, and has said that he wouldn't be able to come to my wedding, that it'd be weird for him---well there lies the problem....it wouldn't be weird for me at all to come to his, in fact I'd be absolutely elated...well except for the fact that I'd no longer be able to "cuddle" with him any time I chose
I know I'm not going to get the answer I want, but is there any chance I'm wrong about all of this? Can i continue to lean on him for affection?
Anyway, I go to him when I want those things in real life. He'll sit on the phone with me, listen to me, laugh with me, listen to me rant about other men, stay on the line until I fall asleep, whatever ... well today I realized he's my Pesudo boyfriend. I'm guessing this isn't a good thing. Am I using him? Am I just 'acting out"when i go to him for this sort of comfort? I do not want to give him up, not during such a hard time!!!! But i do know that he is unavailable to me because of the distance, so I know I'm still attracted to unavailable men. The truth is if i knew him in person I wouldn't be attracted to him and wouldn't want to date him (But we;d still talk and do all the same things, I just wouldn't date him). Just based on appearance he is too short, too young, and at this point too nice. I know that is horribly vain of me, but this is where we're supposed to be honest right? But...the most painful thing for me to admit is that he is exactly like my ex POA, the one who took me three years to get over, the one I still struggle to stop talking to completely. The only difference is, my friend ACTUALLY IS as nice and caring as he appears to be, my ex POA was just a narcissist hiding his scandalous ways. Narcissist as he may be, we started out the same way, I saw him as young, too short, but sweet and someone I didn't want to just turn away although I knew I didn't want to seriously date him. ( I suggested we be friends w/benefits,he wanted more---I didn't, ....he pulled away and BAM, i was hooked, "fell in love" and emotionally chased him for years). The point is, we never would have gotten to that point if i hadn't leaned on him or used him for affection.
Anyway, I have discussed all of this with my friend, he was confused, yet very supportive all at the same time. He truly wants what's best for me, and has said that he wouldn't be able to come to my wedding, that it'd be weird for him---well there lies the problem....it wouldn't be weird for me at all to come to his, in fact I'd be absolutely elated...well except for the fact that I'd no longer be able to "cuddle" with him any time I chose
I know I'm not going to get the answer I want, but is there any chance I'm wrong about all of this? Can i continue to lean on him for affection?