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Post by rnurs74 on Nov 1, 2010 19:50:13 GMT -8
So as of tomorrow I will have NC for 3weeks!! My POA decided to ping me via text on Halloween to my suprise.
I immediatley deleted the text he had sent.
Today I called Verizon and had his number blocked on my phone, yay me!!
I didn't realize how strong I've become, but with regular counselor visits and this board, I am officially done after 5yrs!! I am so proud of myself and I am ready to finally let go!!
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lauren
Junior Member
Posts: 68
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Post by lauren on Nov 1, 2010 19:52:56 GMT -8
Congratulations! And thanks for sharing---always good to hear a success story.
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Post by lessthanicanbe on Nov 1, 2010 21:00:56 GMT -8
Yay you! What an accomplishment! Cheers to your freedom!
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Post by rnurs74 on Nov 1, 2010 21:09:54 GMT -8
Thanks guys, I never thought i'd say that!! I still want to know why to all my questions, but the bottom line is it won't change the outcome! So, it's best to let it go.... I will be here for anyone that needs me!
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Post by iselita on Nov 2, 2010 10:08:18 GMT -8
Oh that's awsome.. it's a good feeling huh? YOU are the one making the decisions here. Not waiting on them or anything. It's all you!
That's cool you had it blocked... as far as your questions you will find the answer within you.
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Post by rnurs74 on Nov 9, 2010 0:54:17 GMT -8
It's amazing what a difference a week makes. I was so proud of myself 1week ago, but now i really miss him and wonder if I should unblock his number!
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Post by iselita on Nov 9, 2010 8:20:21 GMT -8
Don't unblock his number.. I assume you feel lonely or something maybe melancoly. Yet to tell you the truth, going back to that state you were in is much worse. It prolongs a wonderfull life that needs to be lived.
Maybe finding something to do so you don't feel this way would be a better idea. An activity something that needs to be done.
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Post by rnurs74 on Nov 9, 2010 11:21:34 GMT -8
Thanks iselita, I haven't unblocked his number, I know all the misery is 100x worse than this. As crazy as this sounds, i think, if I don't unblock his number I may be missing out on another chance and maybe this time it will work out!
I made a pro and con list of traits my POA has (suggested by my counselor)its no shocker the con list is much longer!! I have read this thing so much to help me keep NC, and so far it's working. I have to admit, this withdrawal stuff is hard work!
I have 1 thing on my con list that is keeping me grounded and it's the fact that every time I drive to work, I pass the airport. My ex-poa over the past year of our relationship has flew to see his "other" girlfriend in another state about every 6weeks. When it came to me, who lived in his very own state, ended up with sstuffs of time. This angers me EVERY single time I see a plane take off. He put forth the effort for her, but not me. And I was with him for 5yrs. Funny, but this particular CON, has kept me angry enough to keep NC.
The waves of missing him are strong at times though.
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Post by iselita on Nov 9, 2010 13:43:24 GMT -8
I understand the thinking is strong, that empty imaginary hope. I remember not wanting to ever change my number. I used to justify that by thinking "maybe he will call to see his son, I can not make myself unavailable, it would be to mean". When on the other hand he didn't give two sh*ts about seeing him. So why must i be so nice?
On a positive note, it feels good to take control. To be the one to make the decision and say "NO MORE". To decide that you want to live. Be happy and give yourself the chance to really love.
I used to always let my ex be the one to decide. It was always "do you want to be with me, do you love us". I basically made him say he loved me. Then when he decided to leave, I decided to let him go. To me it was more me making the decision then him.
Withdrawals are hard work i know! It's kind of strange to think that we have withdrawals. I at one point thought that i loved someone so much i was dying without them.When in reality it was addiction.
I too made a list, it helps out a lot. It gives more and more clarity everytime you read it, i think i made quite a few lists to be exact. Maybe if you can find a way to not pass the airport and if you do, you can say something on the way if you have to. Pray or just distract yourself until you can ease that.
Ya know in all this one, of the most challenging parts is forgiving ourselves. It's very important to forgive them but it's mainly and mostly important to forgive ourselves. For allowing certain things...forgive yourself. You human you made mistakes you allowed things to go on. But reassure yourself by knowing that you won't allow it again.
It's a good drive to have...hang in there don't let the NC go. Keep working on yourself you will find yourself in a good place. I am sure!
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Post by rnurs74 on Nov 9, 2010 18:16:53 GMT -8
Thanks iselita, I appreciate your help. I do need to be more focused on myself, and I know deep down I will be ok. This place is a fantastic place to come for clarity!
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