Who is that in the Mirror!!

5 years ago, if you would have told me that I was going to be in the situation that I am in right now, I would have laughed it off and said yeah right. I went from just becoming a dad and was expecting another child within 6 months, a spouse I felt would go to the edges of the earth for us and this family, a GREAT paying job, new vehicles, and the beginings of a life that seemed to be the dream for anybody......................so what happened.......................why was I chosen to go through this...............why was my family deserving to be torn apart.........why? I know by all means that we were not the only people in the world, the country, the city, hell, the county for that matter to be going through some form of crisis on some level. I have been a fairly good person throughout the years, sure, I have made mistakes as a child growing up, and even dumber ones when I became a teenager. Karma paid me a visit and from then on I tried to live differently, especially since the birth of my two children. I work hard everyday that I can, whether in the form of a physical job, or going to school full time to complete a degree that I hope one day will help my family become successful once again. I provide, I take care of what I can, I love, Im trustworthy, I feel Im a well rounded husband that would do anything for his family, far from perfect, but I do O.K.........So i ask again...............who is that in the mirror.........he seems to be alot more upset these days, tempers fuse is alot shorter, not to physical violence level, just ill tempered............always feels crushed...............always feels like he's not worth anything, relying on the acceptance of his spouse because that is all that he has ever known in life and has always desired.......a family..........................that same family is slipping through his fingers with ABSOLUTLY no control over it...................god is only suppose to give us what we can handle........but that weight is begining to make me weaken and give out under all of its weight....................................family is all I have ever known..............willing to fight for it, breath for it, and of course die for it..................................its the protective instinct to want my family safe..................the need and support of a spouse is very important to me, not necessarily because I need that acceptance, but because as a husband and wife, we rely on each other to be a rock for each other, a solid foundation through the toughest of storms and the brightest of days....................only, its been about 3 years since I have really seem those brighter days...........I find myself dazed off more often than not thinking about happier times when I felt this family was solid, and the love I felt was not just from my children because I am their father and protector..............It hurts me to know that my two little girls have seem my upset side while having "discussions" with my spouse due to other people being involved in our marriage........my emotions would take over and I would forget those innocent children would be able to hear............the pain and agony of what has happened, the truth that I must hear, may not want to hear, but need to hear comes in small forms and from the wrong person.......................all dignity...............respect................pats on the back that I have ever given myself have long been out of the window.......because the old me would have never been like this, stuck around for the infidelity, the lies and the emotional abuse that I once would have told someone else that was putting up with it that they were naive............but it looks as though someone lent me a pair of their shoes for me to walk a mile in, and instead, I have gone several more............So I ask.............why am I seeing this other person in the mirror............what did I do so wrong............why does my family have to be tourtured............maybe one day it will become clear..................until then...........I guess i will just keep fighting.