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Post by runrunrun on Dec 2, 2010 18:54:43 GMT -8
I finally got fed up with the pain, fear, anger and resentment I held towards my ex bf. And I got busy on my step 9. My step 9 is my letting go step. Forgiving, making amends and moving on. I feel a lot better even just one day later.
I am trying something new. Trying to be positive. Its hard. I have become such an angry hating person. But now I will try to be positive. I catch myself. Instead of replying to someones email or text in a sarcastic way I think of a more positive thing to say.
I will say that being negative became such a habit for me that I am just now realizing how bad I was. It was almost like i hated life and everything around me. Nearly everything angry me off.
A lot of being positive means change. I have to change my career because no matter how positive I think of it I will always hate it. I have to change where I live because of same. Removing myself from the lives of people whose lives dont work with mine. Not being so codependent as much. Not trying to be a people pleaser all the time.
Its tough but I am determined to make a change.
Runrunrun
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oldendances
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
"Go Placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence"
Posts: 228
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Post by oldendances on Dec 3, 2010 8:34:05 GMT -8
Hi Run,
I really like this idea and I am going to try to do this too. Positive thinking and positive replying.
Also I think its never too late to change careers. I am back in school doing just that after 30 years in my previous career. Where you work and what you do all day are very important to your health and happiness. With people living longer and healthier lives, it is a possibly that we will work into our seventies. So think of all the years ahead in a new career. What do you want to do?
Cheers.
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Post by runrunrun on Dec 3, 2010 14:32:53 GMT -8
Oldendances, thanks for the inspiration. It helps to hear of others successfully changing careers.
I want to work in the health and recreation field. I looked into aquatic management. Most jobs want a degree in recreation management. Certified lifeguard instructor, certified water safety instructor, certified pool operator, cpr and 1st aid. It pays less than my job now but I cant do my job now for much longer as the stress will kill me. Plus I can totally see myself managing the pool programs at a gym somewhere in the warm south. :-)
Runrunrun
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Phoenix
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
All pain that is not transformed is transmitted.
Posts: 234
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Post by Phoenix on Dec 4, 2010 13:35:35 GMT -8
Run~
I'm not sure what month into recovery you are, but at about the six month mark I became depressed again.
I think the first few months after I broke through denial I was just so freakin' grateful to know what was happening, how events in my life were connected and what I could do about it. As I began to integrate this new knowledge I became depressed thinking about all the time I wasted & all the hard work ahead of me. It also became clear to me I needed to change much more than my behavior, I needed to integrate my new ideas into every area of my life, including work.
I have owned a business (lots of pressure, deadlines) since 2004 and I began to enjoy it less and less. Then the recession the last two years made it a financial struggle as well. I have decided to sell out to my partner and I am at peace with that decision. My job kept me agitated and my blood pressure high. I just found no joy in it anymore. I really feel that life is too short to spend so much time doing something that makes me sick and unhappy.
In order for this to work financially I had to simplify my life and downsize but that has been a good thing. I moved to a much cheaper neighborhood, paid off my credit cards and have made no new purchases that would be a liability. I am looking forward to the New Year for the first time in awhile even if I'm not sure what I am going to do with myself! (other than not work 10-12 hours a day and worry full time)
I am planning on working at a friend's shop part time and just take some time for myself. I can go back to school, spend more time with friends and family, get back into my art, work on a community project I'm involved in, renovate the old house I'm in...there is so much to chose from. All I know is that working more to buy more didn't bring me happiness.
I am rooting for you and I know you can make it happen! Keep us posted.
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Post by runrunrun on Dec 4, 2010 18:18:14 GMT -8
Oh God. it is so good to hear from someone who understands how it is. Thats how I feel about work. No joy. Way too much stress. Blood pressure raises. Heartbeat quickens. And a huge part of my life is spent this way.
I am all for downsizing and simplifying. My house is for sale. Theres lots of things I can do without such as cable tv. I can get my expenses way down. And make the change. I guess I am learning its going to take time and planning.
I am 6 months into recovery too. A lot of the depression comes from finally getting to the core of my issues and remembering childhood events that shaped who I am today. I am remembering lots of scary things that happened to me as a kid, such as getting lost alone in a big airport in Los Angeles for many hours.
Good luck to you too. And keep us posted too on your new year.
Runrunrun
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Post by lonely1 on Dec 6, 2010 8:57:26 GMT -8
Whether we trip and skin our knee or our hearts get hurt, each of us WILL recover, however, individually we recover at our own pace.
As we recover, we must allow ourselfs the time to 'get over it', but not build walls . . .
. .we fall off the bicycle and it hurts
. . . .OK don't ride fo a while while the boo-boo heals
. . . .but do not primise yourself to never ride a bicycle again
Same with recovery from LA/RA/SA
. .yes, it hurts to stop the behaior
. . .but always remember : we are recovering from WHY the behaior
. . . . we will be romantic again, love again, have intamcy again
. . . . . but this time: with the right person for the right reasons
I feel the "I'll never do that again" in conflict with "I want to do that again" causes the bitterness we feel.
When we realize is wasn't the "do" that hurts it was the 'why', we begin the easier part of our recovery.
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Post by startingnew on Dec 9, 2010 5:57:11 GMT -8
runrunrun, I think change is what it is all about, I think it is one of the key factors to helping with recovery. Although, the person has to honestly be ready for that change. I have offered for my spouse and I to STRONGLY consider moving and even a new career, even if its just with a new company but in the same field as to give a fresh scenery to help with the new start, but I do feel as though the idea seems to be great to my spouse for the first few hours, but by the next day, doesnt seem to really want to change anything. I have tried to be supportive, I have tried to help open new doors, and tried to give fresh beginings, but it means nothing if the person in need isnt ready. Change has been my number one need for our family to grow, and see the happier, brighter side of life, but for now, it looks as though it will be dark for a while. You are definitly an inspiration runrunrun.
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Post by runrunrun on Dec 9, 2010 14:12:35 GMT -8
starting, thanks for the kind words. As far as your situation maybe when she hits rock bottom then she will want to change. A few questions to ask yourself....are supporting or enabling? Are you rolling with the punches or holding her accountable for her actions? And are you taking care of you or her?
My point is once she sees the results of her actions she might want that change youre looking for.
Runrunrun
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