Hi all. I am new to the baoard, and I must say how happy I am to find this. All along I thought I had a "personality disorder" but in fact I am engaging in CLA behaviors.
I think it started when my best friend died during college, which was the icing on the cake after my father left my mom and I when I was younger. Anyways, everyone goes through things so why is my situation so "special" or why did it effect me in this way? I don't get it...All the relationships I've been in or attempted to be in usually start off extremely heavy and end either fast or long and dragged out to the point of depression and unhealthiness.
I'm address this issue now because I am 26 years old and very upset at the recent break-up I had with a guy I was dating (whom I adore). I'm slightly to blame, but I think that he may be an Ambivalent Love Addict! Perhaps we wouldn't mix ha...Fear of being alone takes over me. I want to have a healthy relationship because I have a lot of love to give. I know my worth, but at the same time my self-esteem takes a nose dive...all over the place...
Anyways...I wanted to share my story and say thanks for this support forum. If you have ANY tips/advice for someone who acknowledges the problem and is ready to help herself, I'm listening.
Yep youre not the only one with it. There is a huge community here to support you.
What helped me most was reading Women Who Love Too Much. That was the eye opener. I knew I was codependent long before I read the book. But the book helped me see where it came from and how to deal with it. I related to nearly all the stories in the book.
I thought my love addiction started when I was 19 and joined the navy. I moved far from home and had to make all new friends. I quickly latched on to a habitual liar. I ignored his lies for many years. Finally I ended it with him but quickly moved onto different and even worse men.
But really my issues started as a kid. I read many books since Women WHo Love Too Much and have realized that being raised by an alcoholic mom and an absent dad caused me to be this way. It was survival. Then after moving away from home (I never went back and I am 48 years old now) I stuff those memories of my childhood and tried to hide from them. I literally ran away from them and tried to hide from them. Now they are creeping up again (a good thing) and I have to deal with them.
So Women Who Love Too Much is a good start. The author lists other healing books to read too. I moved onto to those books. Reading helps me a lot. Plus all these authors also have practical suggestions for healing. Some have steps and exercises to do too. Great stuff.
Getting to the core of what caused this is good too.
"Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy" Bob Kelso