Post by lacypooh on Feb 5, 2011 11:12:43 GMT -8
So my ex ( or last guy i seriously dated, I don't really consider him an ex but more a friend) and I have known one another for 4 years now. We dated for 7 months, but was only a couple for 2 months before I called it quits. I wasn't the clingy, addicted with him that I was with my ex POA. I was cold and ambivalent. Anyway, I've grown so much in the past few months of recovery and even before that with him where i was able to forgive him and be friends. Getting to the point, he cheated on me emotionally while we were together and went on to date the girl after we broke up. He really loved her ( which hurt me a lot) and did more for her than he ever did for me( also hurt me a lot) Anyway, their relationship didn't last long either( he goes from girl to girl--doesn't ever deal with his pain) So I know i dodged a bullet in that sense. The problem is that we've been friends, hang out together, he helped me pass my math class, and also someone I shared my "feelings" with when i was learning to feel them.
I never expected him to become emotionally available to me, let me clear, I don't want him romantically, but I did think that through our friendship and now that I am learning to love myself that he would also respect me more.
Well last week he began to be very flirty and say lovey dovey things. I thought he was developing feelings for me again. He asked me over his house to watch movies, which we've done plenty of times during our friendship. The next day he told me he wanted to kiss me but saw how tired I was he didn't want to bother me. Fst forward a few days and he's telling me how heartbroken he is because the same girl told him she didn't want to go on a cruise with him this year and they would never get back together and he needs to move on. They've been broken up for a year or more now. I wasn't really surprised, i knew he still loved her. But the shock came when he asked me if i were feeling better ( I've been sick) and how happy he was that I was because now i'm free to make out. ( I told him when we first start hanging out that I would not be friends with benefits with him, or anyone else ). I told him again that night that it wouldn't happen. He said well if we only do it a few times then it wouldn't be friends with benefits, it would be two horny people taking care of business.
I simply didn't respond. I felt so disrespected. He's been here this whole time knowing the kinds of things I now want from a man ( when I'm ready to date) and has been a friend, but still I'm reduced to cheap make out sessions just to make him feel better.
I know he's emotionally unavailable to me, but it still saddens me a bit that he can offer someone who clearly doesn't want him cruises and romantic dinners and all I'm worth to him is lousy making out. ( I don't want those things from him, I'm just saying it does sting a lil that he doesn't even CONSIDER me for it. )
So now I am wondering what to do now, I've tried to set clear boundaries, we haven't done anything physical in over a year, but i wish he wouldn't even TRY. Is this a sign to cut ties all together or just a man being a man?
I never expected him to become emotionally available to me, let me clear, I don't want him romantically, but I did think that through our friendship and now that I am learning to love myself that he would also respect me more.
Well last week he began to be very flirty and say lovey dovey things. I thought he was developing feelings for me again. He asked me over his house to watch movies, which we've done plenty of times during our friendship. The next day he told me he wanted to kiss me but saw how tired I was he didn't want to bother me. Fst forward a few days and he's telling me how heartbroken he is because the same girl told him she didn't want to go on a cruise with him this year and they would never get back together and he needs to move on. They've been broken up for a year or more now. I wasn't really surprised, i knew he still loved her. But the shock came when he asked me if i were feeling better ( I've been sick) and how happy he was that I was because now i'm free to make out. ( I told him when we first start hanging out that I would not be friends with benefits with him, or anyone else ). I told him again that night that it wouldn't happen. He said well if we only do it a few times then it wouldn't be friends with benefits, it would be two horny people taking care of business.
I simply didn't respond. I felt so disrespected. He's been here this whole time knowing the kinds of things I now want from a man ( when I'm ready to date) and has been a friend, but still I'm reduced to cheap make out sessions just to make him feel better.
I know he's emotionally unavailable to me, but it still saddens me a bit that he can offer someone who clearly doesn't want him cruises and romantic dinners and all I'm worth to him is lousy making out. ( I don't want those things from him, I'm just saying it does sting a lil that he doesn't even CONSIDER me for it. )
So now I am wondering what to do now, I've tried to set clear boundaries, we haven't done anything physical in over a year, but i wish he wouldn't even TRY. Is this a sign to cut ties all together or just a man being a man?
