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Post by imisstheoldme on Jun 3, 2008 10:13:23 GMT -8
I have never had self-esteem, or at least I don't think I have.
I always doubt and question myself. Not only am I unhappy with the way I look and dress, lately I'm always unhappy with the actions I have taken and the way I have done things.
I have been in three self-esteem groups, and I just can never figure it out.
People tell me that I'm one of those girls that you see on tv, the pretty ones that are maybe 10lbs overweight, but see themselves as ugly and fat.
I tend to do crazy things to get attention and to fit in, because I feel like if people like me, then I will like myself. It works for a while and then fades.
I need to know how to gain self-esteem. I need new ways on how to gain it as well, because I've been to classes, groups, and therapy and nothing makes a difference.
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grace
New Member
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Post by grace on Nov 28, 2008 5:24:02 GMT -8
Hi imisstheoldme,
Im Grace and I have just joined this forum.
I think self esteem is the way out of this awful addiction. If i value myself why wouldnt i only want the very best for myself? good female friends help.
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Post by bluebird on Nov 28, 2008 13:45:48 GMT -8
hi,
we stop looking to others for love, approval, and esteem and begin - in tiny ways- each day to give ourselves those things.
as you stay on the board and post and read you may find that things change for the better. this topic affects us all.
glad you're here.
bb.
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godsguy
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GOD IS LOVE!
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Post by godsguy on Dec 2, 2008 19:15:58 GMT -8
Self-esteem and confidence does not come from seeing ourselves as beautiful on the outside, but starts on the inside. We do not think highly of ourselves because we want to be what others want us to be, or are not what we want to be and know we were created to be, or because of unresolved guilt and shame. Even if our low confidence came from constant criticism or abuse, we can reverse the shame from it. If we don't like who we are on the inside we can change those things if we analyze and work on them. We can only do so much with outer appearance, but if we build our confidence inside, then we will look beautiful to others.
Decide who you want to be and think you should be not what other people think. decide what things about us that we see as imperfect or ugly and determine whether we can change them and still be ourselves, just a better version of ourselves. Change what you can and accept the things you can't.
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Post by winnie on Dec 11, 2008 13:34:31 GMT -8
For me self my self esttem is lacking cos it feels like when I was a child part of my care from my parents etc was lacking so I was left feeling 'incomplete'.
I have worked a bit recently on viewing myself as a 'whole' person . I have felt 'not good enough' most of my life . I now work on exercises to just turn this thinking around, it works. I have to change a cycle of thinking that i have had for a lifetime.
I feel pretty good of late.
We are whole , adequate , definate , brilliant people, all we need to do is see it !
winnie
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Post by sobrietythirst on Dec 11, 2008 17:22:34 GMT -8
I struggle with self-esteem.
However after the things I've endured.
There are things next time around I am certain I deserve. I still feel the need to be the center of attention, I always feel left or like I'm playing catch up. I always feel I need to prove something or that people are talking about me. It's an uphill battle. But I try not to be hard on myself.
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godsguy
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Post by godsguy on Dec 11, 2008 23:47:29 GMT -8
I'm that way too, sobriety, I always feel as though people are talking about me negatively, even when they're nowhere near. Like I am the topic of all their conversations and that they all are turning one another against me. I know in my mind that it's silly but the thoughts linger in my head. One day when we truly see ourselves the way we should, maybe we will think to ourselves, "They are all saying positive things about me and I am the topic of all their conversations." LOL
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Post by winnie on Dec 12, 2008 14:17:10 GMT -8
i used to do that too and so relate to it. whenever i start thinkng this is happening i try to remind myself that most poeple are too interested in their own lives and their worries and daily ins and outs to be bothered talking about me at length.
I was once in a very rough part of London(uk) and a quite young , angry looking man came up to me and angrily growled in my face " are you f**king judging me" without thinking I said "im too busy to judge you!!" I was scared and this just came out , but it was true.
He took a step back, thought for a second and said " good answer" and off he walked.
Anything you think they are thinking is REALLY projection and your own fears about yourself not being good enough. We all do this all the time. Ryrn it round and say what am I feeling about myself here? forget them.
Sometimes also its true people may talk about you. SO what? As LA obviously we look to others to validate us so the thought of negative talk hurts. But really and truly we can validate ourselves. We can. We are all made amazing people at birth. NO ONE can take this away.
If we do find out some negative comment about us that we feel is unjustified, untrue ,cruel etc then its worth reminding ourselves that again this is another person's projection and just a reflection of what they feel about themselves in the world. NOT really you at all.
What someone says about you often says more about them then it does about you. Worth remembering.....
Winnie
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