Post by reinventmyself on Feb 21, 2011 10:29:28 GMT -8
I've been struggling off and on with going back in time and translating it into my current life. I've recognized so ways how my experiences have led to me where I am but I struggle with connecting to the emotional side of my child. . for the most part it's a blank space. Pretty much describes my childhood. I honestly felt invisible. Even though I can acknowledge things I don't feel as if I can heal them if I can't feel them.
I found these questions in some of my readings regarding our relationships with our parents. I'm finding them helpful in excavating some untouched places.
Maybe they will for someone else as well:
(I added 22 and 23 myself. Two very provocative questions posed to me during counseling)
1. What did I do to win their approval?
2. What was their attitude if I did something well?
3. How did they express disapproval?
4. What did they disapprove of?
5. What children did they want me to play with? Why?
6. What was my father's attitude towards me?
7. How did it differ from my mother's attitude?
8. When did I first get any money to spend?
9. When did I feel most dressed up?
10. What was my mother's main worry?
11. What was considered "bad?"
12. What was considered fun?
13. What did my folks tell me about their childhoods?
14. Did I ever play hooky? Why or why not?
15. Was my family religious?
16. What was my family's attitude toward sex?
17. What topics were forbidden to be discussed?
18. What was my parents' attitude about my growing up and marrying?
19. What was my parents' attitude about children towards their parents?
20. Do I remember defying them?
21. How differently am I parenting myself, as an adult, than how my parents parented me, as a child? Is there a difference?
22. Who did I go to for comfort when I was 5?, 10? 15?
23. Who was my mentor?
I found these questions in some of my readings regarding our relationships with our parents. I'm finding them helpful in excavating some untouched places.
Maybe they will for someone else as well:
(I added 22 and 23 myself. Two very provocative questions posed to me during counseling)
1. What did I do to win their approval?
2. What was their attitude if I did something well?
3. How did they express disapproval?
4. What did they disapprove of?
5. What children did they want me to play with? Why?
6. What was my father's attitude towards me?
7. How did it differ from my mother's attitude?
8. When did I first get any money to spend?
9. When did I feel most dressed up?
10. What was my mother's main worry?
11. What was considered "bad?"
12. What was considered fun?
13. What did my folks tell me about their childhoods?
14. Did I ever play hooky? Why or why not?
15. Was my family religious?
16. What was my family's attitude toward sex?
17. What topics were forbidden to be discussed?
18. What was my parents' attitude about my growing up and marrying?
19. What was my parents' attitude about children towards their parents?
20. Do I remember defying them?
21. How differently am I parenting myself, as an adult, than how my parents parented me, as a child? Is there a difference?
22. Who did I go to for comfort when I was 5?, 10? 15?
23. Who was my mentor?
