I am learning that lesson. To avoid the things that trigger my addiction. I made a few mistakes this winter and ended up in situations I knew I should not have been in. Although I can say that I got out of those situations as soon ast possible. But I should have stayed out in the first place knowing it was a bad place for me to be.
I have learned to avoid love stories in the movies. They trigger me big time. Especially the romantic comedies. I did go see No Strings Attached a few nights ago. Knew it was a mistake. But I knew ahead of time I would be triggered and avoided acting out or letting it get to me. Plus it was such a bad movie that I never really believed anything that happened or didnt 'buy into it'.
It was about how a FWB would not work. But then in the end it worked?! And you could just see how sick these two people are. Her for how emotionally unavailable she is and him for seeing how sick she was yet going back to her. Plus her character flopped back and forth and the audience could never form a solid opinion about her. I should have just stuck with my first choice, The kings Speech.
Anyhow back to my subject....avoiding triggers. I am learning that music too can be triggering. Knowing ahead of time makes all the difference in the world.
Healing has come to a point that I am really enjoying it and learning and making life so much better for me. I hope this can be of help to others.
"Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy" Bob Kelso
Hearing my POA's voice is my trigger. Or even hearing his name being said by someone else. Even though he's my boss, I manage to avoid any type of contact with him for many days at a time. Had to talk today & I just hated answering the phone. Been in a "mood" all day because of it.
Music is totally triggering. So many songs that I can't listen to anymore, at least for now.
I am being kinder to myself, though. I am getting so much better about not putting myself through hell by looking through his facebook friends, or pictures I have, or replaying the dvd in my head of our times together. I have an iphone & used to have his picture set to appear whenever he called. I remember how I used to be so thrilled whenever that happened. But I removed the picture & replaced it with a drawing that I probably shouldn't describe here, and changed his name to something that I should not repeat here. His ringtone is that K$sha song, Blah Blah Blah. I totally changed the sensory experience that occurs on the very rare occasions that he calls. It helps a lot.
Places trigger. Basically the sight or sound of anything we used to share together. Ugh. So much stuff.
Avoiding triggers. Thank RunRunRun, I needed to read that. They seem to pop up when I least expect them, but sometimes I have to laugh at the fact that I’m in one of the most romantic cities in the world and I’m a love addict trying to recover while maintaining NC with 3 PoAs.
This evening I saw a couple embracing and kissing right next to me (a common site here). I looked away quickly before my mind could conjure up memories of my own. Then, just a few seconds later, as I got on the metro, there was another couple in front of me smiling, embracing, and kissing.
This time I watched for a few seconds, to allow the trigger, and immediately got out my little notebook I keep in my purse to journal my feelings. I drew two circles to represent the couple and I asked myself what feelings were being triggered. Then I wrote: “I want to feel the attachment. I want to feel more than..., not just alone. I want to feel connected…” I’m afraid…
At the same time, my HP, started answering me immediately reminding me that I AM “attached” to my Higher Power now. I AM “more than” I was before turning my will and life over to my HP, and I AM connected to a Power greater than myself. I saw that being afraid is like being afraid of a reflection in the mirror. The fear of being alone is an illusion.
Writing about the trigger and my feelings woke up from almost falling into a dream fantasy trap, after I saw reality on paper.
Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Feb 23, 2011 20:01:26 GMT -8
So many times I learn by making mistakes. Like touching boiling hot water. I think it will be hot,but maybe I can handle it. I Touch it and get burned then hopefully won't do it again... Also, I Loved The King's Speech! I recommend seeing it.
Post by brooklynberry on Feb 24, 2011 3:42:56 GMT -8
Aloha from Maui I have a to. Of triggers and I had to learn some the hard way. Any images of my ex...news on them. I can't even go to the city I lived in with my exH.it has gotten better over time though.