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Post by overcomer on Mar 14, 2011 7:45:59 GMT -8
I used to "limit" my spending for myself esp since my mom
passed away and I realized more the importance of giving/sharing
and the difference between "need" and "want".
But since I guess "pampering myself" is helpful esp at this time I'm
doing N/C so lately I shopped a lot for new nice stuff (paying cash.
I don't wanna use "credit"). And I feel good shopping, buying myself new,
useful, beautiful, but kinda expensive stuff and yet w/o guilt unlike
before.
So what is your opinion w/ regards to this matter?
How do you pamper yourself, how often, and if you ever felt "guilty" doing it.
I'm interested to know yours (experience, insight, or anything related to this subject) so pls share it. TY!
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Post by runrunrun on Mar 16, 2011 13:47:12 GMT -8
My opinion is I need to follow your lead. I dont allow spending on myself without guilt. I will buy only the necessities and usually buy used on ebay. Money is not the issue. Guilt is. Especially since I have dependent kids at home.
I think maybe to start slow with small things. Or with a savings account for one item that has been catching your eye. For me its a bike. Its $2300 and will be used a ton. Right now I share with my daughter but dont want to put more miles on her good bike. See how I work? Dear daughter has the good bike and I ride more but have a much lesser bike. Ugh.
So what would you save for or what would you buy now to start out with?
Runrunrun
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Post by overcomer on Mar 17, 2011 7:19:19 GMT -8
Thank you so much!
There is something special about you RRR!
Out of your "colorful" experiences, you became deep and strong.
Your difficulties became opportunities for you to grow and all that
w/ GOD's help. That's why I like reading your posts and replies.
I'm taking your words. TY!
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Post by brooklynberry on Mar 17, 2011 7:40:00 GMT -8
I'll tell you what I "splurged" on:
yoga classes/gym membership
one week codependency workshop at the Caron Foundation
Clothes that I actually need
vitamins
Graduate school
I think that things that focus on self-care are worth the investment. I feel stuffpy when I just indulge in say, a lot of expensive clothes. But if I really need, say, a raincoat, then it's ok.
The occasional Mani/Pedi works wonders too without breaking the bank.
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Post by runrunrun on Mar 17, 2011 23:45:39 GMT -8
Healthy, thank you so much for the kind words. To me this is my step12. Giving back to the community what I continue to receive. I have a great sponsor and I want to someday become a great sponsor. I thank you too for your input here and really I am grateful for the input of everyone here including the ones reaching out for help.
Happy, I too would like to go back to school but dont know how I will afford it. Right now I have $15000 in student loans on my oldest kid. A daughter who is about to start college in fall and a 3rd daughter in 10th grade who is special needs and most likely will need a school for that type of person.
How was the workshop? I have been considering those too.
Runrunrun
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Post by brooklynberry on Mar 18, 2011 6:33:58 GMT -8
you know, I didn't walk away from the workshop thinking I was instantly cured (I was deep in withdrawal) but now, 2 1/2 years later I can see that it was tremendously, tremendously helpful and taught me some really life-altering things and it was totally worth it.
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Post by overcomer on Mar 18, 2011 9:28:27 GMT -8
@hb: Thanks a lot for sharing. Most of your lists are similar to mine actually.
I believe in being at my best, taking care of myself well, esp for personal growth/
improvements.
But I'm just curious,
Do you think YOU STILL NEED > "one week codependency workshop at the Caron Foundation"
since you have recovered already?
@rrr: Thanks for letting me know and for your generous support/help.
In my humble opinion, I think in your case, it's normal for you to have different sets of priorities.
Except for something like having a good bike maybe. (I think you better have a really good bike. You deserve it more).
Oh how I wish I could meet someone like you>
an athletic former military woman? Bec I'm active too and stronger than average females.
But I think you are stronger than me. You seemed to me like a younger "Sigourney Weaver's
strong character role". : )
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Post by overcomer on Mar 19, 2011 3:23:02 GMT -8
I noticed that the more regularly I take time and invest on taking good care of myself
and extending GOD's goodness in sharing and/or serving others, the better I get and the more I enjoy life to the max! : )
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Post by overcomer on Mar 23, 2011 17:55:48 GMT -8
I got a new laptop.
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Post by runrunrun on Mar 24, 2011 14:28:04 GMT -8
Yay overcomer! What kind? And thanks for the kind and thoughtful words.
"I noticed that the more regularly I take time and invest on taking good care of myself
and extending GOD's goodness in sharing and/or serving others, the better I get and the more I enjoy life to the max!"
I think this is how God wants it too. I notice that when I take time for myself that I can handle everyone else better. When I dont take Me time then I am a grouch and my life sucks (people would not want to be around me). So taking Me time makes life better for myself and for those around me.
I take little short weekends and nights away from the kids (actually older teens) every so often. But boy do I miss them and want to be around them when I get home.
Runrunrun
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Post by brooklynberry on Mar 24, 2011 18:43:36 GMT -8
Noooo I went to the caron foundation 2 1/2 years ago when I started this recovery!
I would still go now again, actually. There is always more work to be done.
We're never totally recovered. We have to keep working to make sure we never return to our old behaviors. it's really easy to slip back.
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Post by melsoul on Mar 25, 2011 1:39:21 GMT -8
Happyberry, i'd like to hear more about your experience at the Caron Foundation. I looked it up online--the workshop--and it sounds very interesting. I am really, really struggling right now and therapy and hypnotherapy and working on the 12 steps all doesn't seem to be enough. It sounds like something that could benefit me ... I'd like your thoughts on your own experience if you don't mind, here or privately. Thanks!
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Post by brooklynberry on Mar 25, 2011 6:49:21 GMT -8
um, it was a lot of opening up and sharing pain and bonding with a group of other people. I learned skills that help me with better boundaries and learned to trust myself more. I wouldn't say it was an overnight cure, but what I learned has certainly resonated with me. It' wasn't "breakthough" when I went...could be even better now.
I'd go back, let's put it that way.
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Post by brooklynberry on Mar 25, 2011 7:21:53 GMT -8
actually - if you're interested in Caron - there is this. Remember, they deal more with codependency than with love addiction. They are both very similar and very different.
Breakthrough at Caron will be featured on Dateline NBC
on Sunday, March 27th at 7 p.m. (ET)
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Post by overcomer on Mar 25, 2011 8:51:55 GMT -8
@rrr: It's a Dell. I'm not really into updating my laptop model but since I'm also in that business, so I think it's useful to do so.
Yeah, in your case especially, you deserve to have a "me" time. I'm glad to know that you are able to do that regularly.
Thanks for sharing. Pls keep sharing your experiences it helps.
@hb: Oh is that so?
I guess your dedication for LAA recovery is more or less my dedication for my spirituality.
I think this board is the most public I can join and the support I get here is enough for me. Plus
I don't want to discuss anymore about my ex-POA or be reminded of. And honestly, I don't feel good that my ex-POA was my former best friend. You know it needs much more explanation than the typical "lovers' addiction".
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Post by melsoul on Mar 25, 2011 9:12:50 GMT -8
HealthyOvercomer--if it helps, you're not alone on the best friend thing--my ex-POA was more of a friend than a lover too. It had the potential to be more, but really never was, except as a possibility in both of our minds. I think we can become addicted to all kinds of people--friends, lovers, family, etc. And I just typed ex-POA. On purpose. But still.  |
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Post by brooklynberry on Mar 25, 2011 11:26:17 GMT -8
I don't think it matters if it is romantic or not at all.
this board for me is really just somewhere to get centered during the day. All of my real recovery work happens at face to face SLAA meetings and on the phone with my sponsor and sponsees. For me there is no comparison.
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Post by overcomer on Mar 26, 2011 3:33:43 GMT -8
melsoul: Thanks for sharing. Yeah it helps! It took me time, determination, support from here, and above all help from GOD to finally make it an EX! I wish you well in your recovery! : ) happyberry: Almost all your responses have been HELPFUL TO ME from day 1. So thank you for all your input. I learned a lot from you! So far I'm steadfastly progressing in recovery w/ GOD's help, this board, journaling, and reading books. In case I need more I'll check on them too. Thanks for your suggestion.
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Post by overcomer on Mar 27, 2011 6:45:53 GMT -8
I shopped for new clothes again and had a great salon service.
But that's about it. I'm not planning to buy clothes anymore
this season.
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Post by overcomer on Mar 29, 2011 6:36:45 GMT -8
I've been eating all my most favorite foods!
And I've been exercising regularly! : )
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Post by tizzy on Mar 29, 2011 17:14:10 GMT -8
I pamper myself every evening at 8 pm after I put my son to bed. It's ME-time, all about lil ol' ME! And I love every minute of it!! I just moved into my own place a little over a month ago after the end of my last relationship so focusing on me has been my priority. And it FEELS SO GOOD! I pamper myself by cooking what I want when I want. Eat what I want, when I want (the ex was allergic to seafood/fish but I LOVE it and eat it all the time now, ha!) I do whatever I feel like doing and don't worry about looking out for or answering to anyone but my self. I indulge myself with my reading of books, the internet, watching my favorite tv shows/movies. That's how I've been pampering myself.
Since I'm on a very strict budget nowadays, I do occasionally pamper myself with a goodie when I get those Kohls cash cards in the mail or in the paper. That place should win an award for great deals! lol
I also pamper myself by eating a Lindt chocolate truffle every nite before bed. Sinful I know but those delicious little things are addictive!
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Post by overcomer on Mar 30, 2011 9:17:34 GMT -8
Wow that sounds so cool! It is truly liberating to do and eat what we want! ;-p
I like that chocolates too. Plus pizza and pasta! Thanks Tizzy for sharing! : )
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Post by runrunrun on Apr 1, 2011 17:57:03 GMT -8
Thanks tizzy for the ideas. Great ideas. I remember doing a little pampering when my oldest was little after I put her to bed. I remember one night. She must have been 2. I got her to bed by 8pm. Oddly I had no work to do. The house was clean. Car clean. Grass mowed. And the olympics were on. It was a huge treat to grab a glass of wine and relax in front of the tv knowing I had no chores that needed me.
Runrunrun
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Post by overcomer on Apr 2, 2011 5:23:35 GMT -8
I just bought new books for my recovery!
I am pampering myself with recovery books reading. : )
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Post by overcomer on May 19, 2011 4:41:58 GMT -8
I just joined a club and will treat myself a dinner w/ a friend. :-)
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