bobat
Junior Member
Posts: 87
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Post by bobat on May 12, 2011 19:39:03 GMT -8
Soul seeker. When I said date I meant we went out to dinner a few times. I never kissed him and I haven't talked to him in a few days so by now he probably knows I'm not into him. In fact I was pretty impatient with him a lot and would show it when I thought he was being annoying so he must know as he hasn't called me in a week. I'm definately not toying with him. Every guy I don't adore seems to be able to sense it pretty early on and gives up trying to court me.
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Post by soulseeker on May 12, 2011 20:02:55 GMT -8
Bobat,
Sorry for the assumption that it was more serious that a dinner date.
Keep posting and reading everything you can, the board, books, baggage reclaim.com, lovely addict.
For me, in the beginning of my recovery when I began to understand that I had some serious thinking errors..... counseling and meetings saved my life.
Face to face with a skilled guide for a length of time, can give you skills. Skills you can use to help you achieve healthy relationships.
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neo
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Post by neo on Jul 10, 2011 16:55:38 GMT -8
Tell the guy you are with to get a copy of No More Mr.Nice Guy. He sounds like a typical emasculated man; this is blow back from feminism.
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Post by freetolive on Jul 11, 2011 3:02:04 GMT -8
["and want to secure them as a bf as soon as possible"] The push into a relationship so early on is a preliminary sign of emotional abuse and control. The jealousy and possessive that come with that are also signs of abuse and control. That is not healthy behavior. Tizzy, what do you mean by your statement "preliminary sign of emotional abuse and control. The jealousy and possessive that come with that are also signs of abuse and control." Did you mean abuse and control in the relationship? or that she had abuse and control in her past? Emotional abuse and control, jealousy and possessiveness have always robbed me of a healthy relationship. I don't want to be like this anymore. I have to get to the core of my pain. My obsessions take me away from school work. I need to push my therapist to help me open up my past. She seemed quick to get me out on the last appointment. So I need to make sure I talk about this next time I see her. I too have always thought I needed to be in a relationship to be ok. It was almost like, I needed a relationship to present to the outside world, that stated I was ok. I had a belief, that if I'm not in a relationship, then I must be screwed up. It was like I used a relationship to appear healthy. But i always walked around knowing that something wasn't right with me, or at least I told myself that. I've always looked to the outside for my acceptance. I hate this stuff. I'm tired of being this way. I know if I look at people I've admired in the past, it is usually those that "seem" to not need others approval. |
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Post by tizzy on Jul 11, 2011 12:20:25 GMT -8
free, I was referring to it being a form of abuse and control in the r'ship, though it certainly can stem from something in your past. Perhaps it was the only way you learned to relate to people within relationships? I know this was the case for my father, as his father was very much like that. It was all he ever knew and so he did it with my mom, and with us kids too. It wasn't a healthy way to grow up, and unfortunately I found myself being just like my dad in some of my r'ships. This kind of behavior is extremely unhealthy and has to be nipped in the bud. It isn't fair to the other person and it completely kicks emotional intimacy to the curb. It means we get into r'ships to control people and try to make them love us the way we want to be loved, and to do what we want them to do. Not a healthy way to relate to people!
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Post by freetolive on Jul 11, 2011 16:51:05 GMT -8
So true Tizzy.
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Post by caroclean on Jul 12, 2011 4:18:31 GMT -8
I think that torch bearer are an addicts lo love too. I love how butterfly defined it. Link: laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=torch&action=display&thread=3007We have the same illness but with some behaviors more powerful than the other ones. I think that torch bearer as the others types of LA, have to do the 12 steps, with an specific tools to move on to this addiction. I understand I need to transfer the torch to stop this, for me I need it, there is no other form, and I am working on wondering how would be? But what I am sure, is that this have to other thing than human beings, they never full my expectations. Thanks Butterfly to give me the opportunity to understand a little bit more my illness. Now it is time for me to make it real in my life. |
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