Post by sospiri on May 1, 2011 17:02:46 GMT -8
I posted this in 'introductions', but really, I think it belongs here...
I’ve been struggling with relationships for years, am in an increasingly difficult spot with my anxiety, so checked around the internet, and eventually found this site. I could do with some wise advice. Have some trepidation about telling my story, but, well, here goes….
My pattern is; meet great woman, have intense spell, around 3 months start to get anxiety rising from somewhere, try to control it, fail to do so, anxiety gets out of control, end relationship, feel terribly disheartened and depressed. Start over again with new woman.
I think I must be a romance addict, because the only times my anxiety is low, and I feel alive and energetic, is when I have several sexual relationships on the go at the same time – I am tender and affectionate with all of them, but when I commit to one – and end the others – I get incredibly anxious – an anxiety that arises apparently out of nowhere. I know that I have a fear of true intimacy, and that my romance addiction is my way of getting SOME intimacy - but from a range of different women (i.e. not TOO close to one, or reliant on one) – like making one proper relationship out of three or four superficial ones (I know it doesn’t mean that, but you get the idea). But my additional problem is that my anxiety about being close to someone generalises out, so that I get no relief from it even when she is not around. So, I wake around 4 in the morning and develop an almost immediate sub-panic attack, then spend every minute of the day in anxiety, tension, restlessness, poor concentration, irritability. I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) – manage it with diazepam, Buspirone, Norflex, ant-inflammatories, swimming – but when its bad (like now), life is a REAL struggle.
My current situation is; have got close to a great woman, which has just triggered huge anxiety – which is affecting every waking moment, making it very hard for me to do my job, or relax when I get home. I just pray the hours away. I know that I can relieve my anxiety by ending the current relationship – it has worked in the past – but I really don’t want to do this again. I know I can feel energized and alive again if I get my fix of internet dating and pursuing new women again. But I know it’s not moral to have three or four lovers – none knowing of the others, and I really don’t want to keep doing this over and over for the rest of my life. Life without any pursuit of women seems grey, empty, desolate. Life with one woman is full-on anxiety from fear of intimacy. Life with three lovers satisfies my addiction, but causes me guilt and anxiety – because I know it isn’t right. So, where to from here? Any ideas? Or more info. you need from me? There is much, much more I could write, but don’t want to write a book with my first post!
I’ve been struggling with relationships for years, am in an increasingly difficult spot with my anxiety, so checked around the internet, and eventually found this site. I could do with some wise advice. Have some trepidation about telling my story, but, well, here goes….
My pattern is; meet great woman, have intense spell, around 3 months start to get anxiety rising from somewhere, try to control it, fail to do so, anxiety gets out of control, end relationship, feel terribly disheartened and depressed. Start over again with new woman.
I think I must be a romance addict, because the only times my anxiety is low, and I feel alive and energetic, is when I have several sexual relationships on the go at the same time – I am tender and affectionate with all of them, but when I commit to one – and end the others – I get incredibly anxious – an anxiety that arises apparently out of nowhere. I know that I have a fear of true intimacy, and that my romance addiction is my way of getting SOME intimacy - but from a range of different women (i.e. not TOO close to one, or reliant on one) – like making one proper relationship out of three or four superficial ones (I know it doesn’t mean that, but you get the idea). But my additional problem is that my anxiety about being close to someone generalises out, so that I get no relief from it even when she is not around. So, I wake around 4 in the morning and develop an almost immediate sub-panic attack, then spend every minute of the day in anxiety, tension, restlessness, poor concentration, irritability. I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) – manage it with diazepam, Buspirone, Norflex, ant-inflammatories, swimming – but when its bad (like now), life is a REAL struggle.
My current situation is; have got close to a great woman, which has just triggered huge anxiety – which is affecting every waking moment, making it very hard for me to do my job, or relax when I get home. I just pray the hours away. I know that I can relieve my anxiety by ending the current relationship – it has worked in the past – but I really don’t want to do this again. I know I can feel energized and alive again if I get my fix of internet dating and pursuing new women again. But I know it’s not moral to have three or four lovers – none knowing of the others, and I really don’t want to keep doing this over and over for the rest of my life. Life without any pursuit of women seems grey, empty, desolate. Life with one woman is full-on anxiety from fear of intimacy. Life with three lovers satisfies my addiction, but causes me guilt and anxiety – because I know it isn’t right. So, where to from here? Any ideas? Or more info. you need from me? There is much, much more I could write, but don’t want to write a book with my first post!
