Post by tumahini on May 11, 2011 8:13:47 GMT -8
This was a humbling weekend for me. I met with friends I haven't see in more than 10 years. The problem is, they are friends of the guy I was madly in love with from age 15 - 22. we had a very serious relationship and I gave him my all. He cheated on me many times but of course I denied it. At age 22 I finally got the courage to leave him - only because I moved to a bigger city and instantly got involved with another man.
My ex's friend then suggests that he calls my ex so we can hook up again. (I haven't seen or spoken to him for at least 7 years and truly believed I had moved on.) This was such a HUGE trigger for me. I denied that I wanted to see him but my heart was screaming with joy. The fantasies kicked in immediately. I couldn't sleep for 2 nights in a row, didn't eat, kept playing romantic images over and over and over again in my head.
Luckily I got enough sense to realise that this is my addiction talking so I came to the board and started reading. What a relief!
I was forced to admit that I still cary a torch for this man, after having broken up with him more than 14 years ago. In the back of my mind I still expect him to come back to me. I find it hard to accept that he has moved on with his life and now loves and lives with someone else.
I'm grieving. I feel extremely sad. I feel a great sense of loss - loss of my innocence, loss of his love for me, loss of the time and energy and everything I invested in this man. There's a belief I hold that I was never good enough for him, thus I will never be good enough for any other man - so now I resent him. But that's a decision I made... The fact that I can't move on makes me feel terribly ashamed. I'm willing to drop this torch, but I don't know how to.
I AM POWERLESS! MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE!
God, I can't.
But You can.
Please help me!
I NEED A SPONSOR!!!!!!!!!!
My ex's friend then suggests that he calls my ex so we can hook up again. (I haven't seen or spoken to him for at least 7 years and truly believed I had moved on.) This was such a HUGE trigger for me. I denied that I wanted to see him but my heart was screaming with joy. The fantasies kicked in immediately. I couldn't sleep for 2 nights in a row, didn't eat, kept playing romantic images over and over and over again in my head.
Luckily I got enough sense to realise that this is my addiction talking so I came to the board and started reading. What a relief!
I was forced to admit that I still cary a torch for this man, after having broken up with him more than 14 years ago. In the back of my mind I still expect him to come back to me. I find it hard to accept that he has moved on with his life and now loves and lives with someone else.
I'm grieving. I feel extremely sad. I feel a great sense of loss - loss of my innocence, loss of his love for me, loss of the time and energy and everything I invested in this man. There's a belief I hold that I was never good enough for him, thus I will never be good enough for any other man - so now I resent him. But that's a decision I made... The fact that I can't move on makes me feel terribly ashamed. I'm willing to drop this torch, but I don't know how to.
I AM POWERLESS! MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE!
God, I can't.
But You can.
Please help me!
I NEED A SPONSOR!!!!!!!!!!
, so I have to find a way to start doing this. I have heard that there are on-line and phone meetings so you can check up that.
and keep posting, this is helping me a lot and even more that I am looking for meetings and a good sponsor, so I think I am going to be here since now on ;D ;D
