My children!

Woah, LovelyJ, I feel your pain like a little kick in the gut. But first off, there's a little smuge on the glasses your are wearing to see this situation and besides that, these boys will always be your babies. No step-mom (or anyone) can ever take that away from you. I'm a little jealous as I wish I had my own children (uh, sometimes).

The point is, they might not be choosing her over you. It could be (but who knows for sure unless you come straight out and ask them), It could be that they just want to go see the monkeys, gorillas, elephants and sheep...(hm, do they have sheep in the zoo?) anyway, maybe they just want to see the animals instead of riding a bike into the city. And that would mean in the eyes and choices of a 10 and 13 year old, it's has nothing to do with you or step mom personally.

My sister gets a little angry when I bond with my niece (her daughter) but the thing is, I ask my niece what she likes, I ask her to tell me something fun she wants to do, (I listen to who she really is on the inside) becuase I know her mom makes her do the things mom wants to do and wear the clothes mom wants her to wear. She does the things mom wants to do to make mom happy. But it's not really fun for her. My neice does not pick me over her mom (personally), but she does things with me because they are really the things she wants to do, like browsing through the most expensive shops in town, looking at designer dresses and shoes, then going to ride a roller coaster, then eating pizza and chicken wings!

Your boys could have the best of both worlds. A loving mother (there's no compairson to a healthy mother's love) paired with a wonderful man D?, plus a father with another decent? woman who takes them to the zoo and maybe buys them ice cream (but will never be their mother). This family dynamic could be a great one if the adults loosen up a little, go with the flow, let go of insecurity (Live and Let Live) and choose to Love not only themselves and the kids but one another. You're a great mom, and you already know that!

BTW, they are going to grow up into wonderful little adults. My niece promises me that she will line up all my vitamin pills, and pat the back of my hand when I'm old and forgetful. So we need the babies to grow up so they can line up our vitamin pills and pat the back of our hands.

lastly...I'm sorry you are having a bad morning, this too shall pass....hang in there.
p.s. you know what happens when the inner child does not grow up...they end up finding support groups to Recover! You want your kids to grow up, healthy and appropriatly!!

Aww, cheer up LovelyJune! Nothing can replace a Mama :-) The love your boys have for you can't be replaced by anyone!

On the bright side you get a few hours to yourself. I'd kill for that! lol My 4-yr-old has become an extra appendage. He goes EVERYWHERE I go (except work, thank God) and I'd love a brief break. I bet your boys will be so excited to come home and tell you all about their day.

Yes, I agree with you all. This is less me being jealous of them choosing her as it is just making any choice that is not me.

Part of love addiction is that it can trickle over into other relationships like parent to child. I am so used my kids going everywhere with me. So now that they're older and choosing other outlets, it's hard "letting go."

But you're so right HO, I do not know "own" these two beautiful boys, they are merely on "loan" and I am merely here to facilitate their learning and love them as best I can. Also my mother said, "welcome to the teenage years." Hold on for dear life, but learn to let go. What a paradox.

I used to get along with the step mom, but then she and the ex treated me and my family very poorly. my ex's sis and I are very close and the step mom started talking very badly about me to her despite me helping them when their house burned down. My sis and I bonded over this and asked her not to gossip or talk badly about family, but she continued to do so, and then she started manipulating my kids and lying. That's when I lost it and wanted nothing to do with them. They are both VERY messed up people.

So.....it would not have been a good idea to go.

What happened instead, was that I hugged them both and told them to have a great time. When they came home I hugged them again. That's all.

Today I went online (my kids' school has what's called a "parent portal" where you can check progress and grades) and to my SHOCK my oldest son's grades have gone from all Bs and Cs to ALL Ds and one F. Granted the marking period isn't over. But what is going on???

I feel so horribly out of control, helpless and angry. I feel like, where did I go wrong? My son has always struggled in school, but this is really bad. I wish I could calm down and keep things in perspective. I think this week has just been a disaster!