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Post by overcomer on May 20, 2011 7:46:33 GMT -8
It's quite clear that my inner child is attaching to this POA. It's very pathetic to stay hanging on to an ambivalent person. But my inner child feels for her. She's like a baby sister to me. I could not completely "abandon" or ignore someone appearing like a"baby sis" to me.
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Post by euphony11 on May 20, 2011 8:18:08 GMT -8
Healthy,
Don't beat yourself up. All of us have an inner child underneath all of our societal conditioning and adopted bad behaviors we see as coping mechanisms in others. The key for me was to determine at times is my inner child crying out for an unmet need to be met through healthy ways or for an actual wound to be healed. You will figure it out, I'm sure.
-D
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Post by overcomer on May 20, 2011 11:28:54 GMT -8
Thanks bro! I'm taking your advice! :-)
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Post by melsoul on Jun 24, 2011 6:13:46 GMT -8
Does it make sense that when I think of my inner child, my craving and longing for my POA intensifies? I associate some of my inner child's qualities with my POA...she craves him so much. It worries me I'm worried that I truly do need my POA for my inner child to feel safe and happy. Perhaps that doesn't make sense? I feel like I can no longer separate my attachment to him from my inner child. Like they're one and the same. And yet my adult wants my fiance, and I think my IC likes him too...but she doesn't feel "complete." Guess the truth is, she wants the POA because she wants her daddy.
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Post by tizzy on Jun 24, 2011 8:49:14 GMT -8
melsoul, YOU have to become the source of love and acceptance for your inner child. When I did my inner child therapy, none of my inner children (yeah, I've got several) reminded me of a POA. They were all reflections of myself. They were emotional states I had been holding onto since my youth. They were the parts of me that cling to POAs when I shouldn't. I had to deal with each one separately and confront that emotion head-on. I had to figure out ways to soothe all those inner children inside me with LOVE, forgiveness and acceptance from MYSELF. I essentially had to learn to comfort myself when feeling alone, unloved, rejected, inadequate. I had to learn how to turn my thinking around and reject these notions about myself because they were untrue, they were lies. I had to use my recovery tools to get through all that. That's where the positive affirmations and vision board really came in handy.
When you feel your inner child at the steering wheel of your mind, sit with her and deal with those emotions one by one. Think about them, think about the source of them, feel all the pain from them, then figure out what you're gonna do to get yourself past them so they don't continue to consume you and your life.
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Post by Freetolive on Jun 24, 2011 9:32:36 GMT -8
vision board really came in handy. What is that?
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Post by dorkestbeforedawn on Jun 24, 2011 9:42:48 GMT -8
A place where you put images representing who you want to be. You put it somewhere you can see it regularly. I want to make one, but I don't know what kinds of things to put, yet. Maybe a blank board to which I can add stuff.
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Post by Freetolive on Jun 24, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -8
A place where you put images representing who you want to be. You put it somewhere you can see it regularly. I want to make one, but I don't know what kinds of things to put, yet. Maybe a blank board to which I can add stuff. Who I want to be? Heck, I would put my own picture on there. I don't know if i understand. I guess I would want to be a Hawk. A Duck (aka Water rolling off a ducks back) Maybe a smiling sunshine A cat A boxer bulldog A boxer Married A Rad Tech FREE from OBSESSION. Stuff like that?
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Post by reinventmyself on Jun 24, 2011 13:36:42 GMT -8
<<<Does it make sense that when I think of my inner child, my craving and longing for my POA intensifies? I associate some of my inner child's qualities with my POA...she craves him so much. It worries me >>>
Bingo Moment! Whenever you have an intense reaction such as this you know you've `hit dirt' I've learned in therapy that as ideas and scenerios are passed about, some resonate with me and some don't. It's the ones I feel a reaction to (tho I may not know exactly what that feeling is necessarily aboutin moment) I do know I've hit close to something I need to work on.
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Post by Freetolive on Jun 24, 2011 13:51:21 GMT -8
So my obsession with my last POA is my inner child wanting her? I thought it was me.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 24, 2011 14:05:42 GMT -8
Our "attachment hunger," which is an abnormal size for love addicts, resides in the brain. The brain according to Eric Berne is divided into three ego states: parent, adult child. In my experience the child ego state is the part of us that suffers from attachment hunger. She, who resides in you subconscious, is trying to get love from her POA what she didn't get from the grownups around her when she was little. Our inner child cannot be "fixed" by staying with our POA if that is an unhealthy relationship. The inner child can be guided and soothed by self-love and God's love. That is all. Some love addicts make more progress than others in regard to that. In a healthy relationship, according to Harville Hendrix, the inner child can heal to a degree. My last partner and I made a lot of progress in this area. We brought dolls and raised them. We vented with each other, etc. The metaphor of the inner child is a power tool. Here is Susie praying . . .
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Post by Freetolive on Jun 24, 2011 14:14:03 GMT -8
I'm angry today. Is that my inner child? See I found out that POA has new job, new car and I'm acting like such a selfish kid. angry that I didn't get to share in this. I know it sounds silly, but it's me at this moment. Playing victim? But hey. I'm the one that went across my own boundaries and allowed the relationship to go as long as it did. I'm the one that crossed those boundaries yesterday by facebook stalking.
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Post by Freetolive on Jun 24, 2011 14:41:13 GMT -8
Ok, just started reading out of the Self Esteem work book about core beliefs and how when I make a mistake, I sound judge the mistake and try to correct it. That I should not judge the core. When I do that, I'm shaming myself, which I've done most of my life. Interesting. So, she gets new car, no job and i beat myself down by telling myself I'm no good because I'm struggling to work and go to school full time. I don't have a lot of free time either. So I need to stop judging the core and try to fix the behavior. I'm going to go to an NA meeting tonight. Socialize.
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Post by melsoul on Jun 24, 2011 20:15:26 GMT -8
My mind (addict?) still wants to argue that it was a healthy relationship, or had the potential to be, even if I saw red flags. We had a lot in common, were very emotionally close, felt like soul mates...and we were both raging love addicts too, in a dance of control/manipulation/avoidance/need. I keep having to argue with that part of myself. It's tiring. I'm a slow learner, I guess
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Post by overcomer on Jun 25, 2011 9:54:44 GMT -8
Oh Melsoul we sort of share the same emotion/sentiments towards our POA. We really have to learn how to face our inner child WITHOUT CONNECTING/LINKING them to our POA. I hope we can nurture our IC by healthy means and leave the past (POA) behind.
Thanks to all for sharing your input!
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Post by overcomer on Jun 26, 2011 9:53:07 GMT -8
How I wish my inner child would not long for anyone, especially an avoidant addict! My IC is bothering me greatly today! I have a hard time concentrating. She's urging me to contact my POA!!!
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Post by melsoul on Jun 30, 2011 13:16:16 GMT -8
I can relate, overcomer. A lot.
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