Post by faubourg on May 21, 2011 12:14:54 GMT -8
Today i went to a face to face la meeting and i could not share about my love life because i felt bad, it is a meeting with many men my age and women my age and i must say each time i go there i find it so hard to share about my true feelings and most of all about how i am succeeding over love anorexia. 
I am doing such great progress in my love life but i find that when i talk about it it is very insignificant : I am not dating or obsessing or being chased by men who are sex addicts or men who have a girlfriend or a wife or men who are incredibly incompatible with me anymore
so this is really huge progress tremendous progress and my self esteem has improved so much!!! but today i could not share about it, i can go to women la meeting and even there i find what i say is like "ridiculous", i feel judged by women who have "decided" to not have a love life anymore and i feel I am sharing about a subject which is so superficial (my limited belief! and what i was taught in my family) and inappropriate and like "disaproved of" really all these feelings come back when i share or want to share and i feel they are laughing at me and despising me and finding me so "RIDICULOUS" and "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU MUST BE INSANE, OUT OF YOUR MIND TO WANT A LOVE LIFE OR A LIFE OF YOUR OWN" (that's sthg i heard a lot until late)
when there are men it is even worse (my brothers were very possessive and jealous)
So today i was in that state in the meeting when my phone rang, it is a meeting room where the phone is off connection always and i had muted the phone but it rang twice!!!!! i was shocked! it was my father, i thought it was someone calling from his phone to tell me he is dead, no it was him.... i think my hp is telling me it is time to get rid of that torturing relationship i have with my father, i will see him next week (it's been very long....)
after that i felt right, centered, and :-) I couldn't stop thinking of a guy i am into, like the way is cleared and i can now move on and go out with this man i like so much, i will see.... I want to and i choose to
I am doing such great progress in my love life but i find that when i talk about it it is very insignificant : I am not dating or obsessing or being chased by men who are sex addicts or men who have a girlfriend or a wife or men who are incredibly incompatible with me anymore
so this is really huge progress tremendous progress and my self esteem has improved so much!!! but today i could not share about it, i can go to women la meeting and even there i find what i say is like "ridiculous", i feel judged by women who have "decided" to not have a love life anymore and i feel I am sharing about a subject which is so superficial (my limited belief! and what i was taught in my family) and inappropriate and like "disaproved of" really all these feelings come back when i share or want to share and i feel they are laughing at me and despising me and finding me so "RIDICULOUS" and "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU MUST BE INSANE, OUT OF YOUR MIND TO WANT A LOVE LIFE OR A LIFE OF YOUR OWN" (that's sthg i heard a lot until late)
when there are men it is even worse (my brothers were very possessive and jealous)
So today i was in that state in the meeting when my phone rang, it is a meeting room where the phone is off connection always and i had muted the phone but it rang twice!!!!! i was shocked! it was my father, i thought it was someone calling from his phone to tell me he is dead, no it was him.... i think my hp is telling me it is time to get rid of that torturing relationship i have with my father, i will see him next week (it's been very long....)
after that i felt right, centered, and :-) I couldn't stop thinking of a guy i am into, like the way is cleared and i can now move on and go out with this man i like so much, i will see.... I want to and i choose to