Post by emilywebb on May 31, 2011 3:56:21 GMT -8
Hi.
I realized this morning that I really need to get off Facebook.
The reason for this is the following:
1) I have 166 "friends" on Facebook and I talk to about five of them.
2) I have a bunch of people hidden in my news feed for various reasons: being negative; constantly statusing about how wonderful their bf/gf is (and then also basically liveblogging their fights); making their statuses about what's for dinner; making their statuses about what their kids threw up that day, etc. etc. ect.
3) Comparing myself to others. This is a big one for me. One of my friends auditioned for a show (I do acting on and off) and he apparently got a part and he joined a group. The production is for "The Merchant of Venice" and so I decided to stalk whoever was cast as Portia (the female lead). This girl has her profile wide open, so I can read all the comments on her photos of people saying how gorgeous she is and her photos of herself and her boyfriend and talking about how awesome he is. She's blonde and skinny and whatever so am I. But I'm sitting there comparing my life to hers. She's in college and is in the marching band (and you have to be really good to get into that school's marching band), so of course she gets cast as Portia. Anyway, I don't like this girl because I think her life is way too easy. I know I don't know her but that's where my mind always goes. There are photos of her at prom (I never went to prom) etc. etc. and I'm jealous of how "normal" her life seems to be. I see this happen to other girls a lot on Facebook: their friends sit there and comment on their photos and tell them how gorgeous they are all the time.
Anyway, the whole reason why I am self-conscious about parts in plays is because I went to this theater school a few years ago. It was at a community college, and I went there because it was close by and cheap. Anyway, the teachers there were really rude to me. They told me I was too fat and not pretty enough to play a lead in a play, and they wouldn't even give me a chance to do so.
They had all sorts of other stuff to say about me, too, and I went into a really deep depression after I quit (yes, I quit) because of all of that, and I was really negative about myself for a really long time. What I did to get better was I auditioned for a play elsewhere and I got the lead in that, and in several other plays afterward. But what those people at that theater school said to me really stung, and I actually wrote out a formal complaint and sent it to the dean at their school, talking about how they were harassing me. Looking back on it, I feel like I took a lot of stuff from those people and I should have stood up for myself. But on the other hand, they were teachers at a college and had no business singling someone out and bullying them. It took me a long time to get over being really angry at those people ...more than a year. I obsessed about it all the time. Now I realize that I was obsessing about it more than anything else because of the low self-esteem and lack of confidence and issues that I already had. I tell other people what these jerks at this school said to me, and they tell me that what they said was just about the naiveest thing they'd ever heard. If only I'd been able to just brush it off, but I wasted a year of my life being angry about it and obsessing. It's very similar to what I am doing and what I did with my PoA.
Off topic totally (and it's my own topic lol). I needed to vent.
Anyway, I'm going to try, starting to day, to take two days off Facebook each week. This means no checking up on my PoA, and no checking up on people I have an urge to compare myself to.
I realized this morning that I really need to get off Facebook.
The reason for this is the following:
1) I have 166 "friends" on Facebook and I talk to about five of them.
2) I have a bunch of people hidden in my news feed for various reasons: being negative; constantly statusing about how wonderful their bf/gf is (and then also basically liveblogging their fights); making their statuses about what's for dinner; making their statuses about what their kids threw up that day, etc. etc. ect.
3) Comparing myself to others. This is a big one for me. One of my friends auditioned for a show (I do acting on and off) and he apparently got a part and he joined a group. The production is for "The Merchant of Venice" and so I decided to stalk whoever was cast as Portia (the female lead). This girl has her profile wide open, so I can read all the comments on her photos of people saying how gorgeous she is and her photos of herself and her boyfriend and talking about how awesome he is. She's blonde and skinny and whatever so am I. But I'm sitting there comparing my life to hers. She's in college and is in the marching band (and you have to be really good to get into that school's marching band), so of course she gets cast as Portia. Anyway, I don't like this girl because I think her life is way too easy. I know I don't know her but that's where my mind always goes. There are photos of her at prom (I never went to prom) etc. etc. and I'm jealous of how "normal" her life seems to be. I see this happen to other girls a lot on Facebook: their friends sit there and comment on their photos and tell them how gorgeous they are all the time.
Anyway, the whole reason why I am self-conscious about parts in plays is because I went to this theater school a few years ago. It was at a community college, and I went there because it was close by and cheap. Anyway, the teachers there were really rude to me. They told me I was too fat and not pretty enough to play a lead in a play, and they wouldn't even give me a chance to do so.
They had all sorts of other stuff to say about me, too, and I went into a really deep depression after I quit (yes, I quit) because of all of that, and I was really negative about myself for a really long time. What I did to get better was I auditioned for a play elsewhere and I got the lead in that, and in several other plays afterward. But what those people at that theater school said to me really stung, and I actually wrote out a formal complaint and sent it to the dean at their school, talking about how they were harassing me. Looking back on it, I feel like I took a lot of stuff from those people and I should have stood up for myself. But on the other hand, they were teachers at a college and had no business singling someone out and bullying them. It took me a long time to get over being really angry at those people ...more than a year. I obsessed about it all the time. Now I realize that I was obsessing about it more than anything else because of the low self-esteem and lack of confidence and issues that I already had. I tell other people what these jerks at this school said to me, and they tell me that what they said was just about the naiveest thing they'd ever heard. If only I'd been able to just brush it off, but I wasted a year of my life being angry about it and obsessing. It's very similar to what I am doing and what I did with my PoA. Off topic totally (and it's my own topic lol). I needed to vent.
Anyway, I'm going to try, starting to day, to take two days off Facebook each week. This means no checking up on my PoA, and no checking up on people I have an urge to compare myself to.
Oh well, this too shall pass.