Post by winter on Jul 1, 2011 12:28:17 GMT -8
I've been slowly attempting to talk with my father. He's admitted that he has done things in the past he has regretted and shouldn't have but nothing ever specific. For the first time in my life after my sisters talked to him he helped me financially. However he wanted to "talk" before hand so I went to his house as awkward as I felt.
He decided to tell me he wasn't sure about my boyfriend who is actually my husband but he doesn't know. And that he felt when they met that he was given an attitude etc. My husband is a very quiet person and non talkative at all unless he knows and or is comfortable with you. I told him this and he said well are you sure you want to be with someone like this? I did my best to stand up for him and felt like screaming you should fn talk??? I said his father was never really around and he doesn't really have a father and My dad proceeded to say have him talk to me. I can be his father. I felt like screaming you weren't even a father to me!
My Dad ended up i tears crying after talking about different people he talks to who have severe problems. He thinks he is a messenger for god and that god puts him places and gives him the ability to help people. Which is nice and if he does then awesome for them, but I feel he thinks he is superior for this. Like he can take on any problem or like he knows everything. He doesn't even know my husband but decided to start telling me about him and he is like this because of this and I should be aware etc.
Again I felt like saying trust me I've learned to stay away from people like you Dad!
In a sense I feel like he is trying to "help" and "look out" for me but he is also wrong and doesn't know everything. Like he is on a power trip. I don't feel comfortable enough to tell him this though.
I've only recently learned to stand up to him. However he asked me if I talked to PJ about when I was little and wasn't sure what he meant. I said what do you mean. He says well what did you tell him. I turned into a little girl right there and into a coward!! and lied. I said I told him that I used to get hit as a kid but thats about it. There is a lot more that I told my husband that happened. My father shot me this weird look and gave me this toxic eye and repeated "did you tell him anything that happened ...." I said ... no? Pretending as if I didn't think anything wrong happened. I knew exactly what he was talking about but that was the first time he has ever even hinted at anything like that. I thought maybe he forgotten what used to do or blocked it out or was in denial cause he is nuts and forgets everything anyway.
I honestly clammed up so much and shortly after left cause I couldn't deal with it anymore. I felt like I was a little girl again not able to face him or talk to him about it, confront him etc.
Is that his way of acknowledging it and apologizing? Or is that his way of making sure I don't say anything..... I am so confused and I thought I came so far only to realize I am weak when it comes to this and the inner child in me is still scared and weak and crying for help.
My sister posted a picture today of a blanket we took with us every year to the 4th of July and family outings. It was my fathers from Vietnam. It brought up a lot of memories and I guess got me thinking about my father.
I've been depressed the past few weeks and maybe a bit stressed with somethings going on here. I think it also triggered me to want to contact my X POA even though it was just for friendship but I have a loving husband I can say anything to and share anything with.. ..
He decided to tell me he wasn't sure about my boyfriend who is actually my husband but he doesn't know. And that he felt when they met that he was given an attitude etc. My husband is a very quiet person and non talkative at all unless he knows and or is comfortable with you. I told him this and he said well are you sure you want to be with someone like this? I did my best to stand up for him and felt like screaming you should fn talk??? I said his father was never really around and he doesn't really have a father and My dad proceeded to say have him talk to me. I can be his father. I felt like screaming you weren't even a father to me!
My Dad ended up i tears crying after talking about different people he talks to who have severe problems. He thinks he is a messenger for god and that god puts him places and gives him the ability to help people. Which is nice and if he does then awesome for them, but I feel he thinks he is superior for this. Like he can take on any problem or like he knows everything. He doesn't even know my husband but decided to start telling me about him and he is like this because of this and I should be aware etc.
Again I felt like saying trust me I've learned to stay away from people like you Dad! In a sense I feel like he is trying to "help" and "look out" for me but he is also wrong and doesn't know everything. Like he is on a power trip. I don't feel comfortable enough to tell him this though.
I've only recently learned to stand up to him. However he asked me if I talked to PJ about when I was little and wasn't sure what he meant. I said what do you mean. He says well what did you tell him. I turned into a little girl right there and into a coward!! and lied. I said I told him that I used to get hit as a kid but thats about it. There is a lot more that I told my husband that happened. My father shot me this weird look and gave me this toxic eye and repeated "did you tell him anything that happened ...." I said ... no? Pretending as if I didn't think anything wrong happened. I knew exactly what he was talking about but that was the first time he has ever even hinted at anything like that. I thought maybe he forgotten what used to do or blocked it out or was in denial cause he is nuts and forgets everything anyway.
I honestly clammed up so much and shortly after left cause I couldn't deal with it anymore. I felt like I was a little girl again not able to face him or talk to him about it, confront him etc.
Is that his way of acknowledging it and apologizing? Or is that his way of making sure I don't say anything..... I am so confused and I thought I came so far only to realize I am weak when it comes to this and the inner child in me is still scared and weak and crying for help.
My sister posted a picture today of a blanket we took with us every year to the 4th of July and family outings. It was my fathers from Vietnam. It brought up a lot of memories and I guess got me thinking about my father.
I've been depressed the past few weeks and maybe a bit stressed with somethings going on here. I think it also triggered me to want to contact my X POA even though it was just for friendship but I have a loving husband I can say anything to and share anything with.. ..
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