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Post by caroclean on Jul 6, 2011 5:40:42 GMT -8
Hi, noticed that even I close a door my head wants to try to open a new one, I mean if I brake up with my PoA, I start to find another one, and I do not want to  , but I do not know how to stop it, me head is really fast . So I would like to know what do you do, to stop that, I have read here that the only form was to passing the torch to God or my H.P. I do not know if there is another tool on this. Thank you I really appreciate your help, and more know, that I am trying to close a door, and my head knowing that I will probably finished with the relation with this guy, now is trying to get another one  I want TO STOP PURSUING NEW ONES TO STOP MY ADDICTION  Some ideas would be great.  |
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Post by LovelyJune on Jul 6, 2011 7:06:49 GMT -8
You're brain is MALLEABLE. So often we think it can't be changed. We think we are "victims" of our thoughts. But you are in control of replacing one idea with another. It's how people have quit smoking, drinking, over-eating. It's how we almost INSTANTLY change our mind when suddenly we no longer like to eat broccoli, but we love to eat peas. But it takes a lot of work if your thoughts aren't ready to go on their own. I believe you can replace obsessive thoughts of PoA with virtually anything else. It doesn't have to be HP or another guy. It can be exercise, art, music, painting, work, career, school...WHAT ARE YOUR INTERESTS? WHat have you had a desire to learn but never had the chance? Do it now.
The truth is, using your brain power to ONLY think of a PoA will stunt your growth. One of the reasons I was so quick to get my PoA out of my thoughts was because I finally realised all the TIME I had WASTED all my life. While other people were learning chemistry and law and science, and growing their careers or expanding their talents, I was wasting my brain power on thinking of ways I could find a man. Ugg.
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Post by Freetolive on Jul 6, 2011 18:25:14 GMT -8
Yeah I like her take on "wasted" brain power too. I need to try harder not to waste my thoughts.
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Post by caroclean on Jul 6, 2011 18:53:54 GMT -8
Thank you Lovely June and Kitty, you are right. I like you said LJ about "While other people were learning chemistry and law and science, and growing their careers or expanding their talents, I was wasting my brain power on thinking of ways I could find a man. Ugg" actually I have been noticed that when I am focus in my personal grow the other thoughts just disappear, when I start to made fantasies in my mind I start to miss my PoA, etc. Yeah, I am going to focus on my things, that will be my new homework Thank you |
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jul 7, 2011 3:01:52 GMT -8
Caroclean, I had thought I was making really good progress with getting over my PoA after about 5 months after I left, but then the obsessing over him came back with a vengeance. It's clear to me now that what was happening was I had turned my LA beam onto another man. Luckily for me he turned out to be in a relationship already and I dropped the whole idea. Then my PoA came around all newly off drugs and wham, back into suffering I went. So I'm glad really I found out I wasn't really dealing with the addiction in myself. I never want to do that again. I'm still just a baby taking steps so can't say I'm out the other side yet, but I am determined not to waste any more time! Cinderella stories do not happen and are not worth waiting for!
I need to put my shopping away, another baby step to take.
xx jg
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Post by LovelyJune on Jul 8, 2011 2:25:04 GMT -8
but I am determined not to waste any more time! Cinderella stories do not happen and are not worth waiting for! That's the positive attitude you need. Just know that it take A LOT of brain power and action to stick to that. Recovering from an addiction is all about reconditioning your mind to think differently. Basically, you need to brainwash yourself to think healthier! |
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Post by caroclean on Jul 9, 2011 3:21:27 GMT -8
Yes you are right. Right now this is my 13 day of NC, and I am happy for that, I just could not image to get these days without talking with him, but for me is still difficult to get my head calm. I think is insane to try to control my head, I have always been addicted and my head has always thought in a wrong day. So I think that I need to start doing the 1st step, I need to understand that my illness is more powerful than me and I can not control that.
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Post by Havefaith on Jul 9, 2011 3:31:17 GMT -8
Do not underestimate the power of baby steps. JG, you said you are not necessarily to the 'other side' but those baby steps will take you there!
I have been taking 'baby steps' towards recovery for a couple of years. For me, recovery does not come in leaps and bounds. But those baby steps are nevertheless moving me FORWARD.
HaveFaith
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jul 10, 2011 2:30:39 GMT -8
Power to the baby steps!!! Thanks Havefaith, I struggle with impatience and it trips me up regularly. I am starting to embrace the idea of slowing down and it feels great! I'm giving myself such an easier time of it today. Pottering around, bit of this, bit of that, a bike ride, a lie down under a tree and watched the birds above me squarking. Dreaming in the winter sun, I was even in view of the place me and my beloved ex PoA first dated and instead of a weird feeling in my gut I felt just happy and neutral about it. It's a beautiful place.
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Post by Freetolive on Jul 10, 2011 3:25:18 GMT -8
I'm tired I think of mine all the time. I hate this stuff. I don't know what to do. I've prayed until I'm blue in the face. I tell myself if I know she was seeing someone I could move on. That thinking is probably lies. Most of the time I wake up thinking about her. This is worse than coming off drugs. I think I'm locked in some kind of rut. Why won't this leave me alone? Nothing is worthwhile. Nothing is fun. Laughing is an old friend that died in the desert of love starvation and dehydration. Chasing a mirage, stripped of all i own. My mind body and soul. If I didn't have one ounce of self respect left, I would have slept with this lady last night. Just to try and kill the pain. I know it won't work, but it seems the best thing to do at the time. But she is separated from her husband. I know she would go back if she could. I hear it in what she says. She was so sweet last night after the NA meeting. I had that high feeling when she text me. So I don't want to be in the way if God brings them back together. But I tell myself, I'm not powerful enough to stop God's will. Right now I'm so confused about God it ain't funny. All this church stuff i was raised in, the bible stuff. I just wish he was simple. He died on the cross for me, but if I do wrong he will be mad. I'm tired of those games. Either give your love freely or don't give it at all. I believe my belief is based in addiction. It's like I view God as give me what I want or else. Like he is teasing me with a carrot. But once in meditation, I had this though come to me. "I'm not like your Earthly father, I don't hold grudges." So I need to stand on that.
Sorry to get off topic. Back to torch...I think my problem is...in all honesty, I want her back. I pray that God would remove the desire. Still waiting. So to sound negative, but that's where I'm at when it comes to my love addiction to POA. Come on antidepressants.
Very angry this morning.
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Post by overcomer on Jul 10, 2011 3:58:34 GMT -8
Freetolive, your intense feelings for your POA is somewhat "triggering" to me!  After reading your post it triggered me to feel for POA also. But then I know it's a fantasy, "bait" to trap me only and so I won't go there anymore...  About GOD, the more you know the TRUE ONE, the more you'll love Him!  HE IS THE GREATEST LOVER AND MOST GENEROUS AND PERFECT! NOTHING CAN EVER COMPARE! <3 |
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Post by Freetolive on Jul 10, 2011 5:16:13 GMT -8
Thanks for sharing. I didn't mean to "trigger" anyone and you are right. It's just a naive fantasy. A trick.
I'm glad I vented the anger, I left here and and walked around the house express my anger to God about some things that have bothered me lately. I'm glad he accepts me and all my emotions.
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, but I do not know how to stop it, me head is really fast 
