Post by scissorsister on Jul 6, 2011 15:32:45 GMT -8
Just thought I`d share:
I have finally (and I say finally as this has been a ten-year obsession) passed the torch to another. My former, longstanding poa now seems to have lost his sparkle in my eyes and though I never thought I would say this, I no longer want him. I realize he is not the person I imagined he was or needed him to be , but above that, I know he would not have treated me so cruelly and rejected me so often if he had the slightest bit of consideration for me or my feelings. He doesnt want me, and if any part of him does, he doesnt want me ENOUGH. And I have no desire to be his fallback option.
Anyhow, my new poa is ten times the man he is. My new poa totally knocks him off his pedestal.
Okay now on to the bizarre twisted bit. My old poa was a man I have personally known for years, whilst my new poa is a man I have never personally met, who happens to be married with four kids and who is old enough to be my father. Despite this fact, I have become obsessed with this individual and am currently in the process of moving miles away to live in the same town he does.
Im not sure what Im hoping to achieve by this. I think I will get a great deal of solace from simply knowing he is in the same area and I might run into him. This is insane...yes it is...but...inside this insanity there is in fact a grain of sanity. I look at it like this: my old poa and myself nearly got togther several times, we knew each other years, he knew all the right buttons to press tolead me on and then reject me and this was a source of sport fro him. Because we live so close to each other and have a history, it was impossible to get over him for so long.
However, now that I have passed the torch, I have been succesful finally in doing the one thing I could never do--letting him go. This man that I have passed my torch to is such a source of light and artistic inspiration to me that I could not put it down in words. I know he is unavailable and I accept that, and in a way thats good, becuase I can carry this torch without actually having false hope that we could ever stand a chace togther.
Now as for moving to the same town---well this at least will insure I am nowhere near my old poa and can keep that distance I need from him.
Unfortuantly I am now as obsessed by the new poa as I was by the old, stare at pictures for hours and fantasize about playing varous roles in his life. I even fantasize about being his mistress. I have promised myself I am not going to attempt to seduce him.....but still the fantasies play on.
I have finally (and I say finally as this has been a ten-year obsession) passed the torch to another. My former, longstanding poa now seems to have lost his sparkle in my eyes and though I never thought I would say this, I no longer want him. I realize he is not the person I imagined he was or needed him to be , but above that, I know he would not have treated me so cruelly and rejected me so often if he had the slightest bit of consideration for me or my feelings. He doesnt want me, and if any part of him does, he doesnt want me ENOUGH. And I have no desire to be his fallback option.
Anyhow, my new poa is ten times the man he is. My new poa totally knocks him off his pedestal.
Okay now on to the bizarre twisted bit. My old poa was a man I have personally known for years, whilst my new poa is a man I have never personally met, who happens to be married with four kids and who is old enough to be my father. Despite this fact, I have become obsessed with this individual and am currently in the process of moving miles away to live in the same town he does.
Im not sure what Im hoping to achieve by this. I think I will get a great deal of solace from simply knowing he is in the same area and I might run into him. This is insane...yes it is...but...inside this insanity there is in fact a grain of sanity. I look at it like this: my old poa and myself nearly got togther several times, we knew each other years, he knew all the right buttons to press tolead me on and then reject me and this was a source of sport fro him. Because we live so close to each other and have a history, it was impossible to get over him for so long.
However, now that I have passed the torch, I have been succesful finally in doing the one thing I could never do--letting him go. This man that I have passed my torch to is such a source of light and artistic inspiration to me that I could not put it down in words. I know he is unavailable and I accept that, and in a way thats good, becuase I can carry this torch without actually having false hope that we could ever stand a chace togther.
Now as for moving to the same town---well this at least will insure I am nowhere near my old poa and can keep that distance I need from him.
Unfortuantly I am now as obsessed by the new poa as I was by the old, stare at pictures for hours and fantasize about playing varous roles in his life. I even fantasize about being his mistress. I have promised myself I am not going to attempt to seduce him.....but still the fantasies play on.
