Post by overcomer on Aug 11, 2011 9:01:33 GMT -8
Aha! 
This speaks volume to me! 
I confessed here that I am guilty of the following:
Taken from: www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/stop-explaining-stop-justifying-stop-talking-boundaries-are-upheld-with-action/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming+%28Baggage+Reclaim+Relationship+Blog%29
"I’m going to be honest with you – unless you’re going out with someone under the age of seven, which would be illegal, whoever you’re involved with knows the difference between right and wrong. Unless they are a teenager, it’s unlikely that you are their first relationship or the first person that has ever pointed out their shortcomings or even their complete and utter level of not a very nice personry.
They haven’t just fallen out of the sky. They don’t need the ‘right’ person to show them the light – you’re not God or a higher power.
You don’t need to explain or justify your boundaries or try to guide anyone to light of your bountiful knowledge. You’ve got to stop carrying on like one of those bonkers ministers that lays their hands on a member of the congregation in a wheelchair, starts talking in mumbo jumbo, shouting and throwing themselves on the floor, only for the person to stand up and say “HAVE MERCY! I CAN WALK!”
That’s what all this talking to the nth degree, Powerpoint presentations, manuals, trying a different tack, taking them back and assuming they’ve changed and basically being ever accommodating and trying to take the path of least resistance with your ‘type’ that represents your unhealthy beliefs is:
You expect them to fall at your feet (eventually) and wail “I CAN LOVE! MY HEART IS OPEN! I’M UNAVAILABLE/AN ASSCLOWN NO MORE!” They’re just not that special, you’re not that desperate, and you’re not so special that you have the powers to fix/heal/help people out of being themselves.
When you do try making a case for why they shouldn’t be doing something and why you shouldn’t be putting up with it and pacing your relationship courtroom laying out your argument, all someone that would show up to a relationship with shady carry-on does is deny it, claim their version of things is correct, or even make out like you’re the one with the problem.
Stop talking. They don’t need a lecture on the error of their ways or an attempt to make them feel bad about something they’re entirely comfortable with being and doing, even if in your eyes, you think it’s outrageous and ‘needs’ to change – you need it to change; they don’t."
This speaks volume to me! 
I confessed here that I am guilty of the following:
Taken from: www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/stop-explaining-stop-justifying-stop-talking-boundaries-are-upheld-with-action/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming+%28Baggage+Reclaim+Relationship+Blog%29
"I’m going to be honest with you – unless you’re going out with someone under the age of seven, which would be illegal, whoever you’re involved with knows the difference between right and wrong. Unless they are a teenager, it’s unlikely that you are their first relationship or the first person that has ever pointed out their shortcomings or even their complete and utter level of not a very nice personry.
They haven’t just fallen out of the sky. They don’t need the ‘right’ person to show them the light – you’re not God or a higher power.
You don’t need to explain or justify your boundaries or try to guide anyone to light of your bountiful knowledge. You’ve got to stop carrying on like one of those bonkers ministers that lays their hands on a member of the congregation in a wheelchair, starts talking in mumbo jumbo, shouting and throwing themselves on the floor, only for the person to stand up and say “HAVE MERCY! I CAN WALK!”
That’s what all this talking to the nth degree, Powerpoint presentations, manuals, trying a different tack, taking them back and assuming they’ve changed and basically being ever accommodating and trying to take the path of least resistance with your ‘type’ that represents your unhealthy beliefs is:
You expect them to fall at your feet (eventually) and wail “I CAN LOVE! MY HEART IS OPEN! I’M UNAVAILABLE/AN ASSCLOWN NO MORE!” They’re just not that special, you’re not that desperate, and you’re not so special that you have the powers to fix/heal/help people out of being themselves.
When you do try making a case for why they shouldn’t be doing something and why you shouldn’t be putting up with it and pacing your relationship courtroom laying out your argument, all someone that would show up to a relationship with shady carry-on does is deny it, claim their version of things is correct, or even make out like you’re the one with the problem.
Stop talking. They don’t need a lecture on the error of their ways or an attempt to make them feel bad about something they’re entirely comfortable with being and doing, even if in your eyes, you think it’s outrageous and ‘needs’ to change – you need it to change; they don’t."
