2 moderate suggestions for torchbearers

For any other torchbearers who may read this later, I thought I'd share with you two techniques I've found to be helpful in dealing with it. I have not solved this problem in my life, but have had some limited success with it.

Give up romantic songs and movies: I am convinced that romantic or depressing songs are one component which encourages and perpetuates torchbearing in some people. Most people might not realize the link, but romantic songs (which of course are unreal and present an idealized version of love) encourage a person to construct an unreal dream about love. These songs are well written and appealing, but can also be a trap.

Romantic movies are also seductive, but real life is almost never like a romantic movie. Few relationships can be anything like the ones we see in movies. But some people may be deluded into thinking that its possible or even that their relationships could be like that. This may result in them refusing relationships with people because they seem boring, uninspiring, when actually some relationships are just like that. Actually, relationships which are like those in movies (or soap operas) may be overly dramatic and unhealthy.

Stories like that also seem interesting when we're experiencing them vicariously, but are actually bloody hell when someone is really living through them.

Second idea: do not allow sexual fantasies about the torchbearing PoA. If someone is in torchbearing mode, they are already thinking about their PoA too much. Sexual fantasies increase the magnitude and strength of the attachment to that person.

Its unlikely that most people will give up sexual fantasies (unless maybe they are in a relationship, but many torchbearers are not), so in my opinion, its better to fantasize about another person (or series of persons), or an unreal person, to avoid increasing the strength of torchbearing by including the PoA as well in these fantasies.

The blind leading the blind, of course!