find my place in this life

faubourg
Junior Member

Posts: 61

find my place in this life Aug 13, 2011 7:28:06 GMT -8

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Post by faubourg on Aug 13, 2011 7:28:06 GMT -8

Hello everyone,

I have realized recently that one of the reason why i feel so hopeless often in this life is that i never had my place in my family and i never thought this could be possible one day, i had to win it, work for it, self sabotage to be "loved" etc...

someone suggested to me that i deserve this place, it is mine, i have to go and conquer it back! and it rang such a bell for me,

As i never had my place ever anywhere i don't know what it entails.

symbolically and also in a more tangible way, in daily life

I am searching about it, i read sthg interesting :
- saying what i think, creating relationships with others,

- i realized driving is a way for me to have a place in this world (i drive my life, i am the driver, i choose the direction and i go where i want to go),

- organizing my time too is a big one : not staying on my own at home and hiding from life but instead organizing holidays etc, i always worked (except these last months) but earning my salary was more about not being a burden for my family (that is why i started working) and being free to buy stuff for me because my mother was extremly reluctant to buy anything that would allow me to be autonomous and becoming a woman
working was never about discovering the world, my capacities, making projects no!

- also having a boyfriend that is a great way to have my place in this world, except i never allowed that to myself, except lousy boyfriends, now i feel stuck i cannot do with lousy boyfriends anymore but i feel i don't deserve a man i fancy

I realize as i write that doing things with another perspective is an answer ex: working to fulfill my projects

I was wondering if you have ideas, feelings about this? it would help a lot

Thanks everyone,
and have a lovely 24hours

Faubourg

Last Edit: Aug 13, 2011 7:29:12 GMT -8 by faubourg

Loving My Life
Elder Member

Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

Posts: 4,139

find my place in this life Aug 13, 2011 8:07:00 GMT -8

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Post by Loving My Life on Aug 13, 2011 8:07:00 GMT -8

Faubourg, Iam sorry you are feeling this way, we do have our good and bad days, we can sometimes can be our own worst emeny. what helps me alot and I try and do this on a daily basis, sometimes more than once, and often throughout the day.
1) do a gratitude list, what you are grateful for.
2) do or make you some self-affirmations about yourself, and repeat them to yourself. replace the negative thoughts with positives. You are a worthwhile person, You are beautiful on the inside and out, and you are enough, etc.
Keep coming back and sharing with others. Have a good day, you deserve it. ;-)

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

Loving My Life
Elder Member

Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

Posts: 4,139

find my place in this life Aug 13, 2011 8:07:32 GMT -8

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Post by Loving My Life on Aug 13, 2011 8:07:32 GMT -8

Faubourg, Iam sorry you are feeling this way, we do have our good and bad days, we can sometimes can be our own worst emeny. what helps me alot and I try and do this on a daily basis, sometimes more than once, and often throughout the day.
1) do a gratitude list, what you are grateful for.
2) do or make you some self-affirmations about yourself, and repeat them to yourself. replace the negative thoughts with positives. You are a worthwhile person, You are beautiful on the inside and out, and you are enough, etc.
Keep coming back and sharing with others. Have a good day, you deserve it. ;-)

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

faubourg
Junior Member

Posts: 61

find my place in this life Aug 14, 2011 7:27:02 GMT -8

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Post by faubourg on Aug 14, 2011 7:27:02 GMT -8

Thank you Carolyn,

i have done a gratitude list mentally last night and it helped me a lot ;-) , august and march are always difficult months for me, my sister was born in august and then i was sent abroad for months (because my mum was having a depression) when i was still a very little child and March is the month i was conceived (and not desired sic!) so.... i go through hell kind of stuff on these months ; when i came back from abroad everything had changed i felt a total unwanted stranger and this never left me, even though i now know why i go through hell (which helps!) it is still very hard to manage to control that and do sthg about it (i eat so much more, feel deeply depressed and apathic and i cannot calm down at all for a month!)

Conquering my place is a good thing though and it feels good to make this realization and decision

today i have decided to embrace the parts of me which i always try to reject and fight and erase, and to start making projects! not virtual dreams like oh i would so much love to do this or that no! really owning my projects my life and when this was virtual the list was long now it is another topic! my list is blank :-)) i know driving back is on the top of my list, having a boyfriend is my major wish because i never really had my boyfriend, i would either go with men i found boring and mediocre or i would only have little hugs and kisses with a man i was into. so top of my list is : my place and a boyfriend I am into and reciprocally (grin :-))))

Thanks a million for your lovely support,
Faubourg

Last Edit: Aug 14, 2011 7:30:46 GMT -8 by faubourg

Loving My Life
Elder Member

Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

Posts: 4,139

find my place in this life Aug 14, 2011 7:46:59 GMT -8

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Post by Loving My Life on Aug 14, 2011 7:46:59 GMT -8

Im so glad you made your list. Also a book that has been recommended to me since i have came to this site is "Healing the Inner Child" might be helpful also. And we are Love Addicts, and you mention your bf was on top of your list, are you still looking for him to make you complete? We need to work on making ourselves happy and learning to love ourselves first. Easy Does It...First things First. ;-)

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

faubourg
Junior Member

Posts: 61

find my place in this life Aug 14, 2011 8:18:19 GMT -8

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Post by faubourg on Aug 14, 2011 8:18:19 GMT -8

thanks i will look at this book,

Top of my list for the first time of my life so it is a huge way to take care of my needs because i am a love avoidant so dating and being on the dating scene is sthg i never really did, i was "chosen" mostly but never made this choice for myself,

thanks to this board i have made my dating plan to go for it! but i still have not started to get into action mode

i went out a week ago (i had not done that for ages.............) and i looked at men and i pretty liked one of them and my friend said to me: go and talk to him and i was shocked! usually my "friends" do everything for me not to have a boyfriend (i have changed friends) and this time someone is encouraging me (that's how i see the 12 steps are working!) i was stuck couldn't move but i said "he should come to see me"

So I put first things first for the first time in my life thanks to the program, not the man first but my need to share intimacy and tenderness with someone i really fancy and appreciate

i thank you for reminding me to put myself first it is always very good to remember that, the tendency to do otherwise is so easy

Loving My Life Elder Member Senior Member I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child." Posts: 4,139	find my place in this life Aug 14, 2011 8:50:03 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by Loving My Life on Aug 14, 2011 8:50:03 GMT -8 great it sounds like you have a plan. and you also can change your mind and you can say "no". just always put yourself first.
	One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

faubourg
Junior Member

Posts: 61

find my place in this life Aug 15, 2011 11:13:46 GMT -8

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Post by faubourg on Aug 15, 2011 11:13:46 GMT -8

yes i start to have a "strategy"

the dating plan is a good thing, while doing it made me think of what i really want so it was a good exercise really

I need to get out of an aggressive or avoidant way to exist in this world (i do this in all areas love included) to a more laid back and determined attitude and taking life less seriously, enjoy my life

for that i need more authenticity in my life and courage, i have become lazy and scared of life

Post by faubourg on Aug 13, 2011 7:28:06 GMT -8

Post by Loving My Life on Aug 13, 2011 8:07:00 GMT -8

Post by Loving My Life on Aug 13, 2011 8:07:32 GMT -8

Post by faubourg on Aug 14, 2011 7:27:02 GMT -8

Post by Loving My Life on Aug 14, 2011 7:46:59 GMT -8

Post by faubourg on Aug 14, 2011 8:18:19 GMT -8

Post by Loving My Life on Aug 14, 2011 8:50:03 GMT -8

Post by faubourg on Aug 15, 2011 11:13:46 GMT -8