How do I know my inner child is healing?

hi candee.

It is common ( i may never understand normal.)
Up until now you have used relationships to dull that pain and avoid those fears. You've used (and created) the emotional turmoil of your relationships the way a drunk takes a drink.
Now, as you begin to let go of that old behavior - you are learning what was under there that you have not wanted to feel.

feeling it can also be freeing because - Yuck, who would WANT to feel that. You can have some compassion for yourself and be a bit more forgiving to you.

The thoughts and behaviours started when you were so young you didn't know what else to do.
Now, you must be stronger than you realize, you are strong enough to handle those things that baffled you as a child.
strong enough to handle this stuff you describe.

it has been my similar experience. we have to change our thinking - to change our feelings -
I'm finding it difficult and rewarding to put effort into seeing each day with a different lens.

Hi,
it's great that you stay connected to us on this board. you are NOT alone.

I saw your vent. When I started in recovery in a diferent 12 step group - I went to the country and yelled. AT my mother, at my father, at the ism of it. I took a safe and closed mouth friend with me. It was frightening how much (enormous amount of energy)I had inside.
I thought walls would fall down and trees fall over. It felt like a blob of demon came up and out of me. It was so ugly.
I have learned doing this that I left out my birth father - probaly some work left there for me.

We get it up and out and that moves us forward.

IT IS NOT A PLACE TO STAY. IT BECOMES MOROSE THEN AND WILL TAKE YOU NOT OUT BUT DEEPER IN.

GET IT OUT AND KEEP MOVING.

wish I could help, it's a very jarring time. do you have support other than the P. friend?

Candee,

I understand what you are saying. I was just thinking i was happier a few years ago before i knew all of the things i have recently learned about myself. I certainly didn't cry at the drop of a hat then like i do now. I was engaged in several addictive behaviors at that time, including distance running which kept me at a high frequently because of the endorphins. i also drank too much, and got involved with guys who probably weren't healthy. I also developed a mild/moderate eating disorder. All of these were to mask emotions i had been keeping in check since early adolescence, in addition to not dealing with my addition to my exhusband who i was separated from at the time. it makes sense that now that i'm dealing with them, i am more emotional in general. as a kid i couldn't let it out, but now i can. i am hoping that it leads to a happier, healthier me, but its tough getting there and sometimes i feel like just quitting.

my therapist is wonderful, but i went to several that didn't help. i just lucked out with mine, picked her off of my insurance list. do you have any friends that have good therapists, perhaps they can help you with a referral?

dragonfly

Hi, how are you today?
I've been following your post about the depression that has come up for you. Sometimes people take antidepressants for a while when doing this work. I saw you say you might check in for awhile. I wish I could afford to do that. It sounds like such a great gift.

Better to check in somewhere than check out by using or going back. Better to check in somewhere than to check out permanently.

"if I restart counseling I'm bothering her in some way" - that sounds like a message from childhood. Counselors are professionals and it is their job to help us work through times like these. If she can't, another can. Therapist are not our parents. When we were children and no one was there, or didn't have time, or was bothered we reacted by telling ourselves something - that it was about us. We were not worthy in some way.. AS adults, with therapist, worthiness is about them and their training. Having time for us is about their professional schedule and NOT about our own inherent worth.

You are emotionally right in the middle of where all this started. DO GET HELP. THIS IS A PLACE of GREAT POWER.. YOU CAN HEAR AND FEEL THE OLD AND LEARN TO RESPOND TO IT DIFFERENTLY. AWARENESS + PAIN + TIME= CHANGE.

YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO CHANGE AND HEALING.

you have your faith, and you have us. it's all ahead of you now.
(I say to you what I tell myself everyday, as I've seen you do w/others. - We are moving through this, keep heart.)
xxbluebird

Is it normal for me to feel abnormal when i have peace and not all the fighting.Is it normal to be afraid of recovery.As if i dont know what to do.i feel bored.I don tliek the anxiety/withdrawal/depression.But I feel that the minute Im relieved of this Im a different person.I feel like I have to go out and create drama.And views on this.

Its strange.Because I want to be happy,but I feel strange being at peace.

Hi all - I have been afraid of the feelings that recovery in this fellowship brings, also. I don't know if I can even put into words the kind of fear it brings up.

I was thinking of it yesterday walking along the street. Recovery in this program, which for me, in LARGE part, means letting go of fantasies - both romantic and otherwise - scares me because I am then faced with REALITY.

Somehow living in fantasy, and spending time chasing those dreams keeps me in some kind of state that life goes on forever. Reality means facing my mortality. It means I'm a 54 year old woman who won't be around forever. And I need to take care of myself.

Fantasy means I'm still that 20 year old kid thinking life is going to happen "just as soon as..."

Nothing wrong with that fantasy at 20. At 54 it is not healthy, or wise.

I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone, but that's what it brings up. But it's OK.

I guess, through the grace of the gods, I'm in a place where I am willing to accept reality today and the loss of those dreams and fantasies - which perhaps I needed then - but are only a liability today.

It's lonely and sad at times, as bungabali shared, but definitely worth it.

Thanks for sharing, all.

Thanks bungabali. It's such a relief to go through the grieving/healing process with others, and then to move forward.

I am very blessed.

I had a dream.I had given birth to a daughter.A beautiful little girl.Very very fragile and like all new borns are I suppose
( I have no kids).In the dream I didnt take very good care of her.I left her to sleep for hours and almost let her drown in some water.I remember her trying to help herself in the bath and trying to use her fragile,frail little body to do stuff.But she struggled.I eventually helped her.
I resented her in this dream,but I also adored her. I wonder if this has anything to do with My inner child? Im sure on some level it does.I woke up feeling warm inside though.

"I used my POA to avoid feelings of loneliness and sadness that I felt throughout most of my childhood."

I realise one of the reasons why I am physically and emotionally drained is because there is all this change happening inside of me. It is tiring. I almost have a war waging in me and it is frightening. The people around me dont' understand what I am going through. I almost wish there were more recovered alcoholics and drug addicts around me to talk to. I started to read the Big Book for AA and started to realise that the chaos in my life is so much like the chaos in the alcoholics life. It is like we both don't want to face reality. In my case there are no drugs or alcohol or very very little alcohol but the effect is the same. I go on 'benders' also where I totally lose perspective. My friends say it is impossible to talk to me when I am like that.

Now I am facing reality and trying to change but keep slipping - fantasizing, meeting new POA's, etc,. I am facing up to what I have to do but I am scared. I feel overwhelmed! I just posted on my MSN in the personalisation area "One Day at a Time" to remind me that recovery won't happen overnight.

It is just that I am now soo tired of the pain and want the recovery that the AA people talk about. That serenity that they manage to achieve that helps them to avoid ever taking that drink again. I want that serenity and peace so i don't get addicted again! I want my child to heal.

Inner child healing is a process which you allow yourself to let out those stuffed down emotions, but it's important not to let it spiral into what is called toxic shame. Crying, hugging a pillow or curling up into a fetal position and just letting out the pain is a healing process. I have picked times in my life when I knew I would have time to be alone let myself cry those tears but I don't let it become toxic.

Tom