Ended another friendship

I think you are making the right decision. Yes enough is enough!

In my case, it's POA's statements that kept changing drastically!
For example, she said I'm her BFF(Best Friend Forever) and wants me in her life forever and ever. Then she asked me to leave her alone. She said "don't forget me" especially while I'm traveling. Then she asked me what do I want from her and to forget her. She would confide w/ me then she would get mad when I talked about the same subject. And recently, after greeting me she suddenly said the meanest words ever! So on and so forth! She's excessively unreliable!

So RRR good that you are doing NC now w/ your another *consistently* UNreliable friend!

Thanks for sharing and sorry that I couldn't help but to share in your post too.

LetGod. I am glad you shared. I am trying to figure out this friend thing. In the last few months I let go of one emotionally unavailable unreliable friend. distanced myself from a sex addict friend. And now let go of another unreliable friend. I wonder if I am going to have any left. But as I posted above. I would rather have one good friend than 10 unreliable ones.

You figured out what your line is for unacceptable behavior from friends. I am trying to figure out mine. I know there is a word that describes people that go back and forth like your friend. But I am too tired to think of it.

I guess I will just rest on it for now and ask my higher power for help. The thing is I felt like my higher power was behind my plans with her. LIke I had this inner voice saying 'be nice to P. Take her paddling and give her another chance'.

RRR

Thank you RRR! Bec sharing is another thing hard to deal w/ my POA.
Whenever she shares I would listen gladly but when it's my turn to talk about the same subject she would shuts me off.

I think compared to my former best friend your friend is not as extreme...
Is it only in that one aspect she's quite unreliable? Unless it gets to your nerves or hitting your boundary then maybe it can be workout? Have you talked about it w/ her? Can you just limit meeting up w/ her? Bec if you suddenly cut your contact is it not a form of silent treatment? I'm just asking but you know much better what is acceptable and what is not for you.

I'm doing NC bec POA/ex-best friend is doing MANY THINGS to me > ignoring me for so long, accusing me, rejecting me regularly, putting me down, giving me constant silent treatment, verbal abuse, one minute warm and extra-cold and mean the rest of the time, etc.

God is also telling me to CONTINUE treating her lovingly unconditionally. So I know what you mean.

PS; I used to treasure friendship so much and I'm blessed that so far only w/ that POA it did not workout well and only after we have had almost 5yrs of great friendship. But RRR I have learned also that as you said quality counts more than quantity. And we can always have new good friends! In whichever case we don't have to settle w/ sstuffs or crumbs.

Jacara, I have to agree with you and have considered that possibility. That could be it. What this all does tell me is that I have given her many chances for many years. So the writing is on the wall and she has shown me who she is. So I cannot expect anything more. Which I was and wrong in doing.

No I wont simply ignore her. We are both in the same run club and I will be pleasant with her. I just wont ask her to do anything anymore. If she asks why then I will gladly explain in the most diplomatic way I can. But she has not been on a regular communication with me so if I just disappear then no questions will be asked. I actually went all winter without talking to her as she did the same last minute cancellation thing with me so I just kind of disappeared. Only to try again this summer. Oh well. It is possible for people to change. So maybe your friend has. But you know what to look for at least.

NC, your friend sounds like she has many issues. Issues that you dont want in your life. I could hardly blame ya. The way she cuts you off when you talk sounds narcissistic to me. Yeah hold out for the healthy ones.

Bo, I love your analogy. Fresh water. I hope I can fill my bucket with fresh water too. YEs its interesting how recovery works in our day to day lives.

RRR

Thank you RRR for confirming what I thought so too. So after reading your comment I went to search for "Narcissist friend" and to my surprise it more or less matches my POA as you've said!
"People who once were friends of the narcissist and all of a sudden one day found their guts hanging out in a narc attack, to be left wondering forever afterwards what they did to make the narcissist so mad that he or she ripped them to shreds and refused to see or have any contact with them anymore."

What I don't understand yet is HOW a previously good friend can end up becoming like that of a Narcissist?
Is your friend reliable before or she's been like that from the very start?

I've been going through the same thing too...

I lost a couple of friends because I didn't think their behavior was acceptable. In all reality, they weren't really friends. Friendship is a two way street- which means that you have to nurture each other. Flaking out, being disrespectful, and being inconsiderate is not nurturing.

Most recently I have been learning not to internalize other people's issues. I still get so angry when a friend is disrespectful or unappreciative of me. My birthday is next week, and I'm having a party this weekend (dinner and dancing). I haven't had a real party since I was a kid because I'm so shy.

One of my BFF's is flaking out after dinner to go dancing with her other friend. At first the excuse was that she had a date, then it was because it was her other friend's birthday. I told her to bring whomever with her- she said no. I was mad because I invited her to my party 2 weeks ago. She didn't want to commit because she always goes salsa dancing on that night. I have a pretty good idea that she just didn't want to give up her salsa dancing night to come hang out.

She's not a bad person, but she is very self absorbed. I know she is a very unreliable and unstable person. She will still be in my life, but she has taught me who she is. There are other people out there who do genuinely want to be my friend.

I wanted to share that story because I think a lot of people here can relate. It's hard to let go of a friendship, especially when you go way back. Someone else's bad behavior is their problem, not yours.

Oh and speaking of friends, I think my sex addict friend who I was keeping at distance finally got the message and now keeps his distance on his own. I think he finally realized I wasnt going to do the push pull thing or be his standby for when his 'pseudo girlfriend' wasnt available.

RRR