5 most common signs of love or romantic addiction

Wow I relate to most of that. Thanks for putting that up. UGH how do the steps change my perspective on love? It works with alcohol but I don't have to drink alcohol. Food, people, love seem so hard because we have to do these things. Wtf why are we so effed up in the mind!! Or I guess it's a soul disease....

It's a daunting journey but SO WORTHWHILE. Welcome to the start of you making you a priority. May you always find your way back to here.

Love this list by the way.

wahinewha -- Surround yourself with healthy people and community, and the fear will subside. I promise.

HaveFaith

Thanks for that post. However there are some points that I'm honestly not in agreement with such as:

"4.Falling in love with people met superficially or solely online."

-I have relatives and friends who have met solely online, chatted for a year or more, and then got married after meeting only for few times. They remain happily and healthily married up to this day.

"10. Making decisions about what to wear, how to look, what to say etc., based on how others might perceive you, rather than on self-awareness, comfort and creativity."

-I'm very independent who doesn't care of what others may think. But there are times we have to take into consideration also what our love ones have to say. After all we don't know every best thing in the world for us. Some feedback or perception from others can be helpful too.

"15. Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others not to do so."

- In my faith, we believe in "2nd chances". Our God is the God of "2nd chances". If there is *genuine* repentance and resolution between the persons involve, God can restore even the most broken relationship(s). Bec the God I believe is the God of restoration too.

I have a degree in medical science and I have relatives, friends, and clients who are Psychologists, Psychiatrists. I respect them a lot. However, they are not perfect nor are their findings. They are not "absolutes". I still think the CREATOR WHO created them is the ONE WHO IS THE ONLY TRULY ABSOLUTE.

I'm sorry if this reply is unwanted here. But this is just MY HONEST REPLY.

You are right. Thanks.

No offense meant but if I may say...
I'm also sick and tired of categorizing people only as either "addict" OR "healthy". Almost every single thing is being heavily scrutinized as if we can perfectly detect everything precisely on our own. I mean there's more to life and to what's really going on in the vast Universe than this. And we are all a work in progress. There are people who may just be naturally processing a loss but it does not necessarily mean he/she is an addict just bec he/she is not showing what others call as "healthy traits" for the time being.
Plus there's always hope for those who believe they can receive healing. Not bec they sucked or messed up before they should not be given "2nd chances" anymore even if they've shown genuine repentance and recovery? I mean, c'mon. If we are all given ONE CHANCE ONLY, *no one* will ever succeed in life or relationship. I'm not referring to my personal experience only but in general.
Again, I'm only expressing my opinion with no intention to argue or offend anyone.

I'm certainly not taking offense...what are you feeling though? I hear what you're saying and felt the same frustration too. NOT every single thing we do or think in life is the addict's mind in operation. Keep in mind--Only YOU can judge you and your behaviors and only you can decide if you will succeed in life and relationships.

For myself, i know today that i was a alcohol, but i just realize this 6 months ago, after being sober since July of 09. And I also know I was addicted to my poa, I love the way he made me feel, and no one ever made me feel the way he did. I also know alot of times iam to quick to forgive people, and sometimes it causes me to be used. We only have to forgive in our hearts and too our HP, and leave the rest to our HP.
And I was rejoicing today as well thinking about how good I felt once again, since my poa is not pinging me, it nice not dealing with his broken promises, and treating me like trash. Yes i miss him, but not his behavior..i will always love this man. and if he could be the man that iam looking for, i would probably be with him, but i dont dwell on that, that is between him and his HP. But we have to remember where we have been, so we dont repeat the same mistakes.
It is good to reflect back, and too also hear over and over again all of these things, so we dont become complacent. we cant rest on our laurels, or it will sneak up and bite you on your b*tt. ;-)

Wow, I sort of just stumped upon this thread. I echo a lot of Overcomer's (Spirit-filled's) thoughts. I do think that the western world discards people in a way. Even if we did relate badly to our partner, that doesn't mean people can't be transformed. I absolutely believe in transformation, and I think it's spiritual, and I think it's supernatural, too! I think this because I've experienced it myself. Who I am has changed. I used to be so dependent on my husband, and so needy. It wasn't a healthy relationship. I also had a lot of anger. When my husband left me my world fell apart. I knew myself too well and I didn't date for a couple years (while hoping my marriage would get restored). Then I dated a string of guys who devalued me and really didn't cherish me, etc. It was very painful. Somehow through that, in everything I went through, God changed me. I'm mug more self aware of my needs, how I might get triggered, when I am not ok with something, and I am much better sayin no, setting boundaries. I've learned how to "hear" myself. I also still believe in marriage restoration. I don't think it matters why marriages fail. I think there's hope and there's no reason people should be limited to what is possible.

Part of addiction is control. We really can't controll our world at all. What would happen if we learned how to live in the world without needing to control it? How would we be different, and by default, our relationships? I'm not the same person I was several years ago. I've met up with friends who I haven't seen in years, and they comment on things I am not even consciously aware of... Such as, that I listen. You can talk and talk to me now, and I enter in, and listen. I don't try to control the situation. Somehow I've learned to just be present.

A constructed term for something such as Love Addict is just a constructed term... It's descriptive. It's not prescriptive. The possibilities are endless. It's not like a prescription for life that you're stuck to. No one has to be a love addict for life if they don't want to. There are things a person can commit to to work through this to get to the other side. One of the things I did was commit to learning how to make real, meaningful friends who could meet my needs. Did I get screwed over a good number of times? Yes. But I needed to learn how to develop those kind of meaningful relationships in order to get my needs met, and that involves taking risks to learn who I can trust, how I can tell, what signs to look for to identify safe people, and those who are less safe. I also practice letting go, all the time, and accepting myself, all the time. My life is not what I thought it would be. In the past I would have judged myself to pieces. Now it's merely that I had hoped to be further along, but I am working towards my goals (in school) and I am being faithful as a steward with my opportunities, and I can accept that life is hard (which I couldn't before).

A bit of a ramble, sorry about that... I do understand the frustration of categories that seem too rigid, but them they are only descriptive...