Post by gemmrose1 on Dec 22, 2011 7:41:36 GMT -8
Hi everyone,
I don¡¦t know about anyone else but I am feeling so emotional at the moment, and not sad emotional. I was driving to work this morning and ¡§Driving home for Christmas¡¨ was playing. Ended up balling my eyes out. Had to sneak into work with sunglasses on in the middle of Winter. I guess its all part of the process. Does anyone else get this?
Been doing OK this week, consciously making an effort not to fantasise at all and change my negative thoughts. With all this free time that I don¡¦t spend fantasising I have been thinking about how I can change mine and my daughter¡¦s life for the better. Maybe a move to a different area with better schools. It's all quite scary but feels like I'm finally growing up ƒº... My last 3 PoA all live within walking distance of my house so it¡¦s a constant effort to avoid running in to them. Making real efforts to avoid anything and anyone that reminds me. The way I look at it, an Alcoholic in early recovery will stay away from pubs to stay sober I must do the same with my addiction.
Also quite looking forward to Xmas this year. Used to hate Xmas as it's never lived up to my fantasy expectations and I suppose it never will cos that¡¦s all they were fantasies. Used to walk past houses that looked all cosy, brightly lit and intimate inside, thinking I bet they are a really nice family, Mum, Dad kids. Always felt jealous like everybody had someone but me. The reality is no doubt very different...
I am also so very grateful to this site and the people who share & give advice. I¡¦ve learnt so much about my particular addiction and with self awareness I¡¦ve found the ability to make changes so that my life is not so painful. It can only get better
