Post by leadbelly on Jan 16, 2012 3:52:55 GMT -8
As I was just waking into consciousness this morning, something obvious clicked with me...but felt like it went in deeply in thought.
Of course I have ended up late in life i.e. further on down the line...with making more harmfilled choices and decisions....because it all comes from the same wound. What I got really good at in life, was talking the inner talk on justifying it....it's not like I never knew when following through on something....and that includes putting even the tiniest amount of food in my mouth...even with the clothes I buy....and mostly the men I choose to reflect that self love...or rather to confirm that it is not there. My male choices....all so I can say...yup, feels homey being treated like stuff, because it's an outward match to my inward self opinion.
I have never felt I was a keeper...someone of value, someone to really respect...so everything in my life and how I live it has ALWAYS reflected that. I could be in therapy for the next 800 years, but instead I think stop the wasted time....and begin my journey of seeing what it's like being kind to myself...respecting myself. No easy task when all my reference points have been to hurt myself.
Thank you for reading this....with loving eyes I am going to assume.
Of course I have ended up late in life i.e. further on down the line...with making more harmfilled choices and decisions....because it all comes from the same wound. What I got really good at in life, was talking the inner talk on justifying it....it's not like I never knew when following through on something....and that includes putting even the tiniest amount of food in my mouth...even with the clothes I buy....and mostly the men I choose to reflect that self love...or rather to confirm that it is not there. My male choices....all so I can say...yup, feels homey being treated like stuff, because it's an outward match to my inward self opinion.
I have never felt I was a keeper...someone of value, someone to really respect...so everything in my life and how I live it has ALWAYS reflected that. I could be in therapy for the next 800 years, but instead I think stop the wasted time....and begin my journey of seeing what it's like being kind to myself...respecting myself. No easy task when all my reference points have been to hurt myself.
Thank you for reading this....with loving eyes I am going to assume.
